Take a Leap of Faith
by Crying-Colorful-Tears
Summary: Emma Swan just moved to Storybrooke. With her troubled past, she learned to get stronger, having these walls always up. But then she meets Killian Jones; a stereotypical and arrogant bad boy. And she realizes that maybe, she isn't as tough as she makes it seem. (Captain Swan AU; high school story)
1. Chapter 1 - Welcome to Storybrooke

**_HII this is my first fanfiction ever and English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes I made. Oh and also, I don't own any of these characters._**

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**Chapter 1: Welcome to Storybrooke**

"Hey, Emma look at me. It's gonna be okay. Have fun sweetie, make some friends!" Blue gave her a reassuring smile as Emma walked out the car without saying a word, adjusting her red leather jacket, with her blonde hair flying in the wind.

It was her first day at her new school in this town called Storybrooke, what a funny name.

Let's say she was getting used to it. Being the new girl didn't afraid her, since she was transferred in a new school every two months.

Indeed, she had grown up in the foster system. First she tried to fit in but later she realized how much the foster parents didn't give a damn about her. The only thing they were looking for was the money that came with it. Always. She expected Blue to be the same. And in a few months, weeks or even days, she would send her away because she wouldn't be able to handle her anymore.

She knew she wasn't the easiest teenage girl in the world but she wouldn't change her way of being for her foster "family".

Family.

Not like this word was familiar to her. Because after all, what did she know about family? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

But it didn't matter now, she was a senior this year. Which meant almost eighteen and that way she could get rid of the fucking foster system and be free. A small smile appeared on her face at the thought. Hell yes free.

She pushed the door, more confident than ever.

She made her way to the front office, and was greeted by a smiling woman, with brown hair and big blue eyes.

"Hello there, may I help you?" She asked in a really sweet voice and a strong Australian accent.

Emma started scrutinizing her. With time, she developed this sixth sense, a sort of superpower that consisted in identifying people's personality at the first look.

Well judging on what she saw, the secretary of this school was in the kind little miss sunshine, happy about everything and nice with everyone. But it also meant that she was incredibly naive, and people like this annoyed her. A lot.

Because at some point, she envied them. She envied the hope they still had, the dreams they still hold onto. But she couldn't even dare imagine the day those dreams will shatter into pieces. Oh it will hurt.

The sweet voice interrupted her thoughts, and she realized that the woman repeated her question.

"Hum yeah. I'm new here." Emma said, clearing her voice at the same time.  
A spark appeared in her blue eyes, and Emma frowned.

"You're Emma Swan right? The principal organized a reunion to talk about your arrival. He said that you were trouble. Oh no I mean not trouble trouble but that you have an unstable life at the moment and... By the way I'm Ms. French. But you can call me Belle" she blushed, perfectly aware that she spoke way too much.

"I'm sorry Emma if I made you feel uncomfortable" she smiled weakly before widening her eyes in realization. "Oh my god I'm so sorry you wanted me to help you right?"

"I'm just looking for the principal since I have no idea where my next lesson is." She said, faking a smile. Try to act nice, she thought, this secretary has been nothing but good to you.

Belle showed her the way and she thanked her briefly before knocking and entering the principal's office.

"Ah. Emma Swan. I was waiting for you." A rather old man was sitting at his desk, looking at her nastily. He gestured her to sit down and she did so, crossing her arms and legs at the same time.

"So you're the man I talked on the phone a few days ago, Mr... With some sort of jewelry name." She spat, remembering the talk they had. It wasn't a lovely conversation. It was literally him barking at her the whole time saying he won't accept any rebellious behavior in his institution and all the crap, so she won't even try to be polite.

"Mr. Gold." He corrected. "So, Miss Swan. I wanted to talk about our little settlement."  
"You mean that afternoon you spent threatening me." She shot back. Oh they won't get along she could feel it.

"Exactly" he looked at her straight in the eyes.

"Now you're going to listen to me. Don't you even dare causing trouble here because I'm not the kind to accept being fooled. That was a warning because otherwise I would have to get angry and believe me, you don't want to see me angry." He paused. "Did I make myself clear?"

She didn't look down, they were in a staring contest and there was no way she was going to lose.

"Do I have a choice?" She said, trying to look confident. And she was good at it.

A smile appeared on his face and she could swear she heard a small giggle.

"Actually no. So do we have a deal?" He gave her his hand.

After a moment of silence, she shook it against her will. He smirked and gave her a paper.

"Here. Your timetable." She took it and stood up, making her way to the exit of this living hell.

"By the way." She said, turning around. "I wasn't planning to be a trouble-maker or anything."

And then, she left, hearing the mocking "Welcome to Storybrooke" coming from Mr Gold.

* * *

It took her a while to find the room but three corridors and a few little swear words later, she was in front of the door, knocking.

"Sorry I couldn't find the room." She said quickly as she walked in.

"Miss Swan." The teacher said. They seriously did have a reunion about her after all. "It's okay go take a sit next to Mary-Margaret."

A girl with short dark hair waved at her with a big smile on her face. Great, two little misses sunshine in the same day.

As she sat down, the teacher added "Just so you know, I'm Mr Booth, your English teacher for the year."

She nodded quickly and tried to ignore all the attention she was getting. She had never understood why people were so intrigued by new students, like they would stare all day long if it was possible.

Mr Booth was a great teacher, really organized and charismatic. Everybody seemed to love him, and the lesson went quickly.

As the bell rang, the room started getting empty. Emma took her time; after all it wasn't like someone was waiting for her or... She frowned at the view of three girls who were actually waiting for her outside the room.

"Hum hello?" She said.

The girl she sat next to earlier introduced her to her friends, a girl with dark hair and red highlights who was called Ruby and another one with braided blond hair, known as Elsa.

"So, wanna have lunch with us?" Ruby asked, smiling.

She was surprised. No one actually asked her to eat with them in her old schools, no one ever talked to her, or only by pity. And Emma Swan couldn't stand pity. She looked straight into Ruby's eyes, trying to detect if she was pitying her but she didn't see an ounce of it, it was pure goodness only. Without really thinking, she nodded.

* * *

They kept talking and talking and talking. About clothes, boys, love and all those stuffs that didn't interest Emma. They tried to involve her in their conversation but it was hard since she would just answer briefly, showing her annoyance.

"But I swear girls, this boy will be the death of me!" Ruby squealed as they stepped outside the cafeteria.

Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes at the superficiality of those girls. They were just too... Girly. She couldn't deny the fact that they were extremely nice and sweet, but she wasn't like them at all. It didn't matter, not like she wanted to have friends or something. Solitude was great too, right?

They were now outside, in front of the school next to the parking lot. Oh it was hell boring. Hearing all those giggles coming from the cheerleaders next to them, combined with Mary Margaret's, it was just too much happiness to handle.

As she was having an internal debate to decide if she should rather leave right now or try to act cool because they had been super adorable to her, a loud motorcycle noise made her jump.

She looked up and saw this... young man, really handsome young man.

She wasn't the kind to swoon over boys but she couldn't deny the fact that the dark haired guy who had just parked was extremely attractive.

"Look who's just arrived" Elsa pointed out, raising her eyebrows.

Emma noticed that the cheerleaders were staring, arranging their hair at the same time.  
Oh, so he was _that_ kind of guy. But more in the bad boy type since he was wearing a black leather jacket, ripped jeans, combat boots and of course, he had a cigarette in his mouth.

"Who is this?" She said nonchalantly.

Mary-Margaret turned around and started explaining the whole thing.

"Killian Jones. Are should I say the school most mysterious guy. Every single girl is head over heels for him."

"Ah the player I got it." She groaned, people like this disgusted her at a point.

But her reaction was greeted by some chuckles which made her frown.

"Not at all Emma" Elsa smiled. "Whenever some slut tries to seduce him, he rejects her which makes him even more wanted. He thinks he is way out of their league"

Arrogant. Even better. She wondered what he had for him to feel superior, except his good looks.

"Anyway, even if he looks like an angel, he is trouble" Ruby added and her two friends nodded to show their agreement. "He is aggressive, and he smokes which is kind of hot but..." She stopped dead in her track, as Killian walked past them.

And for a second, he made eye contact with Emma. His eyes were in a deep shade of blue, but there was something else she couldn't tell what and...

No he didn't. The son of a bitch didn't dare winking at her. She stayed there, jaw dropped, as shocked as the others.

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**_Heere ya goo xx _**


	2. Chapter 2 - Open Book

_**New chapter :) I enjoyed writing this one.** **Still don't own these characters.**_

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**Chapter 2: Open Book**

"God he did wink at her!"

Mary-Margaret couldn't believe it. Indeed, she had known Killian Jones for quite a long time now, since the age of eleven to be exact and she had never dared talking to him because he had always scared the shit out of her.

But little by little, his mysteriousness and his bad boy look started haunting her and she developed a certain interest in him.

No it wasn't love or something, but she had to admit she wouldn't mind if he noticed her. It wasn't even a crush, just the fact that it would be pleasing if he could stop acting like she didn't exist, it would sort of be a way to say 'hey look at me I'm special because Killian Jones noticed me'.

She was internally cursing herself for sounding so pathetic and being like every other girl in this school, spying on him just because he was so intriguing and definitively good-looking.

And for all these years, never had she seen him showing an ounce of interest in a girl, he was too proud and arrogant for doing so, thinking no one was good enough for him. But today was different.

She was walking in the corridor with Elsa and Ruby since Emma already left because her lesson was in the opposite direction. Though she wasn't stupid and perfectly knew that it was a pretext so she could get rid of them because Emma Swan wasn't an ordinary girl, she had known it the second she sat next to her in English lesson. She wasn't the talkative and charismatic kind, and at some point she was even nonchalant.

She was definitely not the type of girl she would do friendship with.

But something in her, the way she acted or how she rolled her eyes she couldn't tell, told her that behind those tough girl looks she was a good person.

She was as intriguing as Killian Jones, maybe that was why he noticed her.

She didn't know why but she was determined to be patient and give the new girl a chance to prove her she was right about her. Plus, Mary-Margaret was extremely open-minded, tolerance was her thing so why not?

She was one of those people who were always happy, facing every new difficulty with a big smile on her face. She wasn't part of the popular crowd but everybody loved her, except the cheerleaders who despised every non-bitchy girl so she learned to deal with it.

Even if she wouldn't admit it, a small tiny part of her envied them, their confidence and of course their beauty.

She wasn't ugly herself, she was cute with her short hair and her bright eyes but the thing about those girls was that they were shining when she was in the shadow. She was tired of being the nice, shy and well 'affordable' girl; she wanted to feel desired by boys.

By one especially.

His name was David Nolan. He was the captain of the football team, way out of her league indeed. Blue eyes and chestnut hair, oh god he was handsome. And not only was he charming, he was also clever and incredibly sweet.

She remembered that time when he accidentally bumped into her in the corridor and made her fell, he felt so guilty and apologized at least ten times. And the electricity shock she had when his hand touched hers to help her get up. She literally turned red and left quickly without saying a word, stupid timidity.

One day eventually, she would be brave enough to go and talk to him.

One day she hoped. Because happy endings always start with hope.

* * *

Emma was in the classroom, listening to music while waiting for the teacher.

She had psychology lesson and she kind of liked it but at the same time she didn't, it was complicated her feelings were really conflicted about this subject.

She looked up to check the hour only to see three or four girls eyeing her like they did this morning. She raised her eyebrows and they all looked away.

Stupid people.

They were so pathetic just like this school, and this town, in fact just like life.

She closed her eyes and started humming, trying to cover the noise surrounding her. But as much as she tried not to, she could hear pitchy voices talking about "this be-autiful lipstick that makes our lips as soft as a baby butt." God her head was aching, how the hell could they find this type of conversation entertaining?

But suddenly, everyone stopped talking and a heavy silence overwhelmed the room.

She opened her eyes, surprised by this sudden change of mood, only to roll them a second later.

It was only the Jones dude entering the room.

Why were they so scared of him? He was just a random guy trying to act cool and taking advantage of his rather pretty face to make girls obsess over him.

She was extremely pissed because of the whole him-winking-at-her thing, it was lame and disrespectful. Plus the girls did a whole scene about it, that was exactly what she needed at the moment.

She closed her eyes again, letting the music rock her. But without understanding a thing, she felt her earphones getting ripped out of her ear.

"So you like my chemical romance uh?" Killian said, as he had just put the earphone in his ear and sat next to her.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing." she opened her eyes again, giving him a really not amused look before stopping the music.

He put a strand of hair behind her ear and smirked.

"I don't think we've been formally introduced, the name's Killian Jones." he paused, which gave her the time she needed to notice the Irish accent. "And you're Emma Swan right? There was something about your name that told me you were not the polite kind. Let's say I'm not disappointed, I love the sass." He said, winking at her for the second time now.

"Get the hell out of here or-"

She couldn't finish, interrupted by the teacher's arrival.

Apparently she was called Mrs. Mills. She had mid-long black hair and big brown eyes. She was quite tall for a woman and was wearing a red skirt matching with her lipstick.

Emma could tell she was a cold and strict woman.

And she was really obsessed with cleaning because the minute she stepped in the room she started putting her desk in order. She also caught her wincing at the view of a boy sneezing; okay it was really disgusting because the guy had snot all over his face after that but still.

She was also prickly but there was something else.

For a second, their eyes met and she saw it.

It was pain, Mrs. Mills was broken. Because of something, more like someone maybe a tragic love story?

"Mills is a widow for a year now" a husky voice interrupted her thoughts.

"In case you're wondering. Seriously it looks like you're analyzing her like some scientist analyzing a new specimen" he explained, seeing her incredulous look.

Breathe Emma breathe. It's pure coincidence; he is note a mind-reader or something.

"No worries lass, I can't read minds." he chuckled as she widened her eyes.

Okay, that was scary. She didn't look at him, to show him she wasn't in the talking mood and to hide her frustration, as she tried to listen to the teacher.

"You know, most men would take your silence as off-putting but, I love a challenge." he said cockily, probably thinking bothering the blonde next to him could deliver him from the boredom he was falling into.

"I'm concentrating." She blurted, definitely annoyed.

She heard him chuckling again. Was she that funny seriously?

"No you're afraid. Afraid to talk, to reveal yourself, to trust me. Things will be a lot smoother if you do."

This time, she faced his gaze, appearing more confident than ever. "You should be used to people not trusting you." she was about to look away, thinking she won, but clearly he wasn't the kind to give up.

"Ah, rumors uh? Well I don't need you to share, you're something of an open book." He shot back, whistling quietly.

She knew what he was doing, he wanted to push her buttons. And this, well, really was the best way to do so.

"Am I?" She whispered calmly, when she was burning on the inside.

"Quite. Let's see. You're that kind of girl who wants to appear strong, like some tough lass. So you're walking in there with your red leather jacket and your clenched jaw, acting like you don't give a damn about anyone."

"But in reality, you are hurt, Swan. God knows how hurt you are. That's why you built those walls, and they are getting stronger and stronger throughout the years, unless" he stopped, seeing she looked away, and he grabbed her chin to force her to face him.

"Unless someone find this weakness, that you're burying so so deep insi-"

"You're wrong." She said quietly, to prevent him from going any farther as she pushed his hand away.

"Oh really? I'm pretty sure I'm right. Love has been all too rare in your life, hasn't it? Have you ever even been in love?" he raised an eyebrow, and she felt her eyes darkening, which was a clue that he pressed the right button.

Her hands were shaking a little and he surely thought she would let him win but in a desperate act of denial she found the courage to answer firmly: "No. I have never been in love."

They were now in a staring contest, and both of them were too stubborn to give up.

But something happened. His facial expression had changed. It went from cocky and confident to- this thing in his eyes...

There it was, regret.

Her guess was that at the view of her bright green eyes threatening to let tears fall, he couldn't help himself but feel guilty. But the Emma Swan she was, she swallowed them in a second.

Finally, he looked away; like it was his way to apologize to her. She understood it and nodded briefly before letting out a heavy breath.

They both decided to focus on the lesson for the rest of the hour; the fight was officially over for the day.

As the lesson ended, Emma packed up and was about to leave when Killian called after her.

"Swan." She turned around, giving him her best annoyed look.

"It was nice talking to you. See you around, love."

he smiled cheekily and she really hoped he didn't see her smile, too.

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_**I'll post Chapter 3 next week, hope you liked it and please leave reviews if you can :3 xx**_


	3. Chapter 3 - Desperate Soul

**_It's me agaain! So in this chapter Emma and Killian won't interact, it's kind of a let's-learn-more-about-the-characters thing. Enjoy!_**

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**Chapter 3: Desperate Soul**

When Killian woke up this morning, he decided he would go to school.

Getting out of the bed was way more difficult than he imagined, he forgot about it. Indeed, he hadn't gone to school very often these past few years, or at least not for the first two hours.

If it was to see those naive people or those cheerleaders fluttering their eyelashes in the hope of catching his attention, no thank you.

Hell they were pitiful.

Staying at home looked way more appealing, mostly when he was having this kind of huge hangover. He knew he was going to fail his final exams, to mess his life up, not like it wasn't fucked up already.

So he wasn't in the mood for school today, until he heard whispers about a new girl in town.

Emma Swan.

It sounded great, not too short, not too long.

Storybrooke was let's be honest, a remote location. It was boring like hell, one day looked like the next and it wasn't eventful at all.

Well a new student in Storybrooke's high school? That was a premiere, something worthy of being seen.

As soon as he parked his black motorcycle in front of the school, he saw her.

She had long and wavy golden hair, she was quite slim and medium-sized.

She was ordinary.

But the more he scrutinized her, the more his opinion changed.

She had this red leather jacket and those combat boots, not a lot of make-up on, maybe not at all but she was still nice to look at. She had nice curves and legs, yeah he had to admit she was a pretty girl.

But mostly he was intrigued by her posture. Crossing arms and frowning, she was so rigid and nonchalant.

It seemed natural like it had always been a part of her personality to be this way.

But at the same time it looked so unnatural.

Damn he was confused.

Something about her told him that it wasn't the real her, like she was hiding herself behind this stiffness, but it was so subtle that nobody could notice.

Except him.

And as he was getting closer and closer, his gaze met hers. And it confirmed this feeling.

Her emerald eyes were dark and firm on the surface but deeper, he could swear he saw a tiny flame, a glimpse of shine and... The despair.

It's like they were begging for help but rejecting it at the same time.

He wasn't disappointed; the new girl was really something.

And from that moment, he was determined to find out who Emma Swan was. Not this tetchy tough girl, but this desperate soul that was hiding behind those giant walls.

So when he walked past her, ignoring the girls she was standing next to and those bitches who were putting another ton of makeup on their Barbie faces, he winked at her. It was a way to catch her attention but also to let her know he noticed her.

Even if he was dying to turn around and see how she reacted, he didn't and kept walking with a smirk on his face.

Oh that was going to be lots of fun he could feel it.

As he entered the classroom for his psychology lesson, he directly spotted the blonde girl in the back of the room, not really surprising coming from her. He made his way to her and decided to start his operation Emma Swan.

The conversation started with innocent talks, if we could call it a conversation because clearly he was the only person talking.

But it became more serious because he realized the only way to get under her skin was to use manipulation to beat her at her own game.

She had this way of keeping her guard up to push everybody away so she wouldn't get hurt, she wanted to make sure no one got to understand her, to know her and her weaknesses.

He knew he pressed the right button when he said he could read her like an open book. Not only it pissed her off, it also scared her. So he continued and he hit the jackpot again when he mentioned love.

He was good at it and he knew it.

But despite what people could say, he was human and he knew he went too far.

Seeing her so vulnerable wasn't as pleasing as he imagined because he was now struck by remorse.

So he let the urge to push it any farther go, there would be other moments like this and he was looking forward to it.

Today, he made a tiny little fissure in her walls.

* * *

When Elsa went home, it was around 8p.m.

Granny, Ruby's grand-mother offered her a job at 'Granny's Diner' which was totally fine for her because she got to work with her friend Ruby.

As she stepped in, she was greeted by her sister Anna who was three years younger than her.

She had red-hair that she braided in two sections every day, green eyes and most of all, she was always smiling.

She was the sunshine of the family, lighting up the mood even in the worst situations.

Not only was she her sister, she was her best friend. They had this relationship every sisters in the world would dream of having.

The kind you had when you were little but then breaks into pieces when teenage years come.

Their sister bonding survived the darkness of this so cruel period named 'growing up' and that my friend, is what I call impressive.

They were never crying themselves to sleep after a tough day, but laughing their asses off and helping each other to forget about their problems.

Of course they were fighting from time to time but it never lasted, they always ended-up hugging.

As they turned on the tv, they started summarizing their day at school as usual. So obviously Elsa told her about the big event of the day, the new girl Emma Swan.

She made a quick physical description of her, being ecstatic over how beautiful she was before talking about what was so special about her that made her stand out from the crowd.

"She's really not talkative, it seems like she's having deep thoughts all the time! Sometimes I just want to tell her to stop thinking so much, otherwise her head will probably explode" she giggled, playing with Anna's hair.

"And she is really frank, I mean she has this way of showing how not interested she is when we talk but I don't know why it's kind of endearing."

Elsa was special in her own way too. To judge people, she trusted her instinct, what kind of vibes she received from them.

And in her life, she had met some really sweet people who were nothing but nice to her but listening to her gut, she pushed them away not bothering to try and know them a little more.

Anna on her side, was the kind to give a chance to everyone, mainly because she was extremely candid.

So Elsa was there to protect her from the danger of the world, that's what big sisters are supposed to do after all.

"Didn't I tell you? Killian Jones winked at her!" Elsa blurted out of nowhere, as the memory suddenly hit her.

Anna knew who he was. Who didn't? He was one of the most feared person in town, mostly because Storybrooke was this kind of little town where nothing happened, no danger, no public fights, no robbery.

So of course the first bad boy spotted around was feared, and they had the right to be afraid considering the rumors flying about him.

"Oh poor girl" the red-haired girl whined. "I know some girls would scream in joy if they were her but when it comes to me, I would probably pee in my pants."

Elsa couldn't help but give her an exasperated look, before bursting out laughing.

They kept watching tv, they loved those moments after school when they didn't have a lot of homework and could spend some time together.

But they were interrupted by Elsa's phone. It was Ruby.

"Hey did you finish working?" She said, smiling.

"Yes finally I'm exhausted" she heard Ruby letting out a long sigh and couldn't help but chuckle.

"Still not used to it uh? Anyway, what makes you call?"

"Because now I need a reason to call?" She said, falsely outraged.

They kept talking about anything, family, school, crushes... Because Ruby was pining for this guy, Victor Whale and his locker was next to hers how romantic.

Ruby was the kind of girl who was really into clothes, makeup, fashion, gossips and all those stuffs.

She was, what we call a superficial girl. But it wasn't forced or something, it was truly a part of her personality and nobody could take that away from her. It couldn't be considered as a flaw because, Ruby without it wouldn't be Ruby anymore.

Her friends loved her the way she was this part of her included, it was charming in its own way.

But besides all of this, she was also lovely, cheerful, energetic and a really good listener. That was what people loved most about her, she was always there to listen to everyone and give advices.

She cared so much about the others that she was sometimes neglecting herself, putting them first when it comes to solve problems when she was already dealing with some.

Another thing about her, she was incredibly sensitive. She cried a lot, unable to control her emotions, she wasn't a really strong person.

But she was working on it because she wished she wasn't that weak, she wished she could be bulletproof.

Like Emma Swan.

That was the first thing that hit her when she saw her walking in the class.

She perfectly knew people were scrutinizing her and gossiping about her.

And she didn't blink, didn't look down, she was imperturbable.

She was her extreme opposite.

She envied her strength and the way she didn't care about what people thought of her, because in this way she could be her true-self, not the one people wanted her to be, and live the life she chose to live.

If only she knew how wrong she was.

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**_See you next week for Chapter 4! Don't forget to leave reviews :3 _**


	4. Chapter 4 - Wanderers

**_Chapter 4! I loved writing it hope you'll like it too!_**

**_EXPLANATION: okay I'm having more and more reviews about the whole Mary-Margaret/ Killian thing. It was my fault, I didn't make myself clear and a lot of you didn't get it. In chapter 2, I said that it wasn't love, nor was it a crush. It was simply curiosity and fascination. For your information, I've planned to do Mary-Margaret/David for a while and already started writing a few chapters about it. Sorry if you got confused xx_**

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**Chapter 4: Not all those who wander are lost **

The sun already went down, it was all black.

Emma froze a little as the wind blew on her face. It was a cold December and it wasn't her little leather jacket that would help.

After school, she didn't feel like going home.

What the heck was she saying? This place was nothing but her home. It was just a house full of hypocrite people living happily as long as they had their money right. She had been in enough foster families to know that.

When Blue welcomed her with a warm smile on her face less than a week ago, she knew it would quickly disappear. She didn't know who she was dealing with, she chose to ignore all the complains she heard from her previous foster families and now she was going to pay.

She didn't know Emma wasn't the kind to smile, laugh, talk or listen. She didn't know that she liked spending her nights outside, getting back around 5a.m. sometimes. She didn't know she was stubborn, reclusive, aggressive and all these things so at some point, Emma pitied her.

It was 9.50 p.m. and she was sitting on this small bench. After her last lesson she kept walking, without knowing where she was going but then she found this really peaceful place; a dock.

So she decided to stay there and that was where she was for the past three hours. And it wasn't the 23 missed calls from Blue and her husband that would make her go back.

She needed somewhere to rest, to breathe. She needed fresh air, after this tiring first day at school.

The three girls she met were definitely sticky, they won't leave her alone. But maybe she should try and be more friendly to them? After all they weren't that bad; it wasn't like they were acting like little whores or something.

They were really joyful, sweet and they weren't some weird psychos who wanted to control everything like Principal Gold, or being pushy like Killian Jones.

Ah, Killian Jones.

Thinking about his name made her feel uncomfortable as she remembered their little altercation.

God he was annoying like shit, cocky and way too talkative.

He was unbearable.

Because everything he said about her was true.

She had never met someone who had this adequacy to get under her skin so easily. Decrypting people was supposed to be her thing, but as hard as she tried, she couldn't read in him and that, was a problem.

It was damn frustrating to have in front of her a person who seemed to know everything about her when she couldn't make a single right assumption about him.

He had this way of looking at her, with his ocean blue eyes and she felt so vulnerable around him, naked to be exact. It was like he knew what was going on in that crazy mind of hers, like he knew everything.

She couldn't let that happen, she couldn't let anyone read her like 'an open book' as he said. She worked so hard on building up this strong personality, on being almost emotionless to the others but yet he could still get to her.

What was wrong with her? With him? Why couldn't he be like everyone else, ignorant and gullible about life? She didn't need that, not now.

Her phone buzzed again. Blue.

"What now?" She said angrily through the phone.

"Emma! I was so worried I was afraid something bad happened to you and... Where are you for god's sake?"

"I'm out." She said quickly, definitely annoyed.

And then she got the whole speech about how dangerous it was to stay out this late, that she should have at least called them so they wouldn't have worried themselves sick.

"Like you care" the blonde muttered through gritting teeth before ending up the call.

She inhaled and exhaled slowly, trying to calm her nerves.

"Don't think about anything" she repeated to herself but it was useless because she couldn't help but think about that day she had.

Storybrooke was a quiet town, which was what she noticed first. It was hell boring but the perfect town to relax. Not a lot of inhabitants, no big malls, no buildings... It wasn't so bad actually.

But yet there was the Jones problem.

Or maybe she was overacting, making a big deal of something that was in fact so stupid.  
It was just a stroke of luck, he couldn't truly read her, he just said the first thing that came to his mind that would hurt her and then bingo.

Really, it was nothing to worry about.

She decided to stick to this idea and forget about him, because it was the best way to convince herself that he wasn't a threat.

Sitting alone in the dark reminded her of some old memories. For example that time they sent the police because she wasn't home at 8p.m. She didn't remember the name of the foster mom. Something like Perrie? Polly? But what she remembered was how great she was at acting. She played the perfect damsel in distress before the policemen and the second they left the room, she turned into an ogre ready to eat her face.

Seriously, what a silly world she had there.

"Did you lose your way milady?" A male voice echoed in the dark.

Sigh. She was never going to have peace, was she?

"Not all those who wander are lost" she stated, rolling her eyes and turning around to face Killian.

It was difficult to see him well in the night, the only light there was the fire of his cigarette and the weak reflections of the moon.

"Tolkien. Not bad Swan" he said and sat on the bench next to her, throwing his cigarette on the ground.

"I didn't know you were the kind to like novels and poetry."

He chuckled in response before half-whispering: "there is a lot you don't know about me, love."

Here we go. He was openly challenging her, she knew it and the stubborn girl she was, she couldn't let it go. He wanted a fight? Well he was getting it.

"Let's see. You think you're way better than the others. You think you're right about everything and that the universe is nothing compared to you. You're so confident it makes me wanna throw up. You try to act cool and you count on your good looks to reach your goals because your soul, well your soul is fucking rotten." She spat all at once, her voice shaking a little.

"That's what I figured out about you, Jones."

She turned in his direction to see how he would react and to her surprise; he kept his eyes fixed on the far horizon.

Was he mad? She couldn't tell, why couldn't she? After all the efforts she put into it, she still couldn't decrypt him. He was like a secrets diary, everybody knew there were hundreds of things hidden inside, but nobody had the keys to it.

Was he... Hurt?

After five minutes of pure silence and contemplation, which was let's be honest awkward like shit, she realized she had nothing more to do here and managed to leave.

She was starting to stood up slowly, when he stopped her by grabbing her arm, making her sit again.

"You don't know me, Emma." He said, more serious than ever.

Hearing him calling her by her first name for the very first time made her shiver a little, mostly because of the aggravated tone.

And at this moment, her instinct told her that what was going to happen next won't be lovely.

"See love, I'm going to tell you something. Blind hatred won't guide you anywhere. It's just easier right? Easier than admitting you aren't gonna win this time."

No he wasn't done, it would be too good if he was, way too good to be real.

"The thing is that it bothers you, how you can't see through me the way I can with you." He continued.

"It scares you. You are starting to reconsider yourself; to reconsider your analysis skills and your damn subjective vision of the world."

She was ready to shot back but he didn't give her the possibility of doing so.

"Emma Swan. You think you are all clever acting anti-conformist and tough, you think it's a way to affirm yourself. Maybe they didn't see it right through your game, but I did. And it seems so fake. You hear me? It's kind of funny, given the fact that you tried so, so hard. And all of this for nothing. Because you fell deep into the stereotype."

Oh yes.

Finally.

He made it, the mistake she was waiting for, the faux pas she could use to her advantage.

A little smile appeared on her face and she assumed that he realized he goofed too, as he was now shaking his left leg nervously.

"What I don't get is that you keep saying I'm exaggerating, overacting. But what about you in the story? Aren't you the one who goes to school dressed like some scoundrel, smoking like a chimney and forcing respect with intimidation? Well if I were to pick the winner of the stereotype prize between the two of us" she tilted her head to her left.

"I'd pick you."

Killian was backed into a corner; he had to find a way out, right now. There was no way this sassy blonde was going to have the last word.

He won't contradict her on her statement; she won this round now it was time to move on to the next one.

"You think your words reached me?" He asked her, raising an eyebrow and smirking at the same time.

"Well they didn't. Not even close, not even a bit, not even at all."

They looked in each other's eyes, time for the staring contest now.

She was starting to get lost in his shiny blue eyes, God now was not the time.

But then, she saw it.

She just knew he wasn't telling the truth.

She did hurt him with her words, they did reach him.

She let out a deep breath before saying: "I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. I'm pretty good at knowing when someone is lying to me."

Well, he didn't see that one coming.

Find something to say Killian, come on.

Maybe it was the coldness that was surrounding him at the moment, or maybe he was getting really tired and sleepy, but he literally ran out of ideas.

He had to admit it now.

She bested him.

* * *

**_Voilà! See ya next week._**


	5. Chapter 5 - Kindred Spirits

_**Hello! New chapter here, hope you'll like it.**_

* * *

**Chapter 5: Kindred Spirits**

Mary-Margaret was sitting in Granny's diner, with a cup of coffee in her hands.

7.12 a.m.

"Very soon" she thought.

She then used a spoon's reflection to reapply some lipstick and arrange her hair. She was now waiting patiently.

7.15 a.m.

The door flung open and the noise of the welcoming bell made her jump. She quickly grabbed her book on the table and pretended to be reading.

Here he was.

David Nolan in all his perfectness.

She couldn't help but follow every move he made with her eyes.

As she watched him order and take a sit not so far away from her, she was constrained to look elsewhere for a moment if she didn't want to seem like a stalker.

Even if she certainly was one.

She was so busy spying on him behind her book that she didn't realize Emma had just entered in the room.

"What the hell are you doing?" The blonde said from behind which took her by surprise.

"Oh Emma! Hello to you, why I'm having a coffee and reading my book." She was mentally praying that she would buy it. She wasn't totally lying, was she?

"Nice try, I almost believed that. But I don't think it's very usual to read upside down." She responded with an amused look on her face, while taking the sit in front of her.

The short-haired girl blushed in embarrassment, put her book down and looked up to face her, when she noticed that she looked exhausted.

"Oh my! It seems like you haven't slept in forever" she said, truly concerned, even if it was also a way to avoid the subject.

"A night to be exact. Let's say it was one hell of a long night, even if it was worth it" her lips curled into a smile at the memory of her glorious victory at the whole fight-with-Killian-Jones thing.

But Mary-Margaret wasn't listening anymore, lost in the contemplation of the football player.

"Seriously go talk to him."

"What?" She tried to look outraged but she confessed a second later, knowing she was fighting a losing battle.

"I just... Can't." she let out a long sigh.

"Why not?"

"He's way out of my league."

Emma coughed really loudly and it seemed like her words got her angry.

"Are you fucking kidding me." She looked at her straight in the eyes, giving her her best 'so done face'.

"Well yeah! He's the captain of the football team and I'm... I'm... The nice girl." She looked down, playing with her hands.

And that was enough to make Emma explode.

"It's time for you guys to stop with the label thing. Do you seriously think we're in a bloody TV show?" She scolded but then felt the necessity to pause if she didn't want to make the poor girl cry.

"Okay. Here listen to me."

"People are going to tell you who you are your whole life. You just gotta punch back and say: no this is who I am! You want people to look at you differently? Make them. You wanna change things? Well you're gonna have to go out there and change them yourself, because there are no fairy godmothers in this world."

Mary-Margaret stayed there incredulous, not able to say anything, when loud claps overwhelmed the almost empty room.

"Wow. Nice speech Miss...?" David stood up, making his way to their table.

Emma furrowed her eyebrows; she didn't realize she was speaking this loud whereas the other girl was literally hiding behind her small cup.

"Swan. Emma Swan." She gave him her hand when she realized he wasn't taking it, but staring at her with a mix of surprise and delight on his face.

"No way! Emma, Emma Swan! I can't believe it!" He literally yelled in joy, but seeing she didn't react he continued. "It's me! David Nolan!"

As the recognition suddenly hit her, she widened her eyes and put her hand on her mouth.

"Nolan!? That's sick!"

He came in for a hug, but she stepped back, clearing her voice at the same time to make up her mind. She was so happy to see her old friend again that she almost forgot what kind of person she became; closed-off and nonchalant.

"Sorry I'm not really into this kind of stuff anymore." She forced a smile, hoping her action didn't affect him.

"I'm the one who's sorry it's totally fine, it's been what ten years? People evolve in such a long period of time, not only physically" he chuckled genuinely.

"Well apparently you didn't change one bit." she murmured which made him laugh even more.

And that's when she remembered Mary-Margaret was still here.

"You already met Mary-Margaret I suppose?"

"We go to school together. We sometimes cross paths"

God. Why was she even doing this it wasn't her. Was she really trying to act like some sort of Cupid? She didn't know why but she really wanted to see those two together, to make things work.

She wanted to see them happy. Nothing wrong about that right?

Watching her spy on him behind her book like a little child would do made her feel something strange.

She felt the need to protect her.

That's right; she was so innocent, so dreamy, she just didn't know what real life was. She wasn't ready for this; she couldn't make it without some help. That's why she needed someone to guide her in this tough ride, and as silly as it could sound, Emma wanted to be that someone.

Or the other explanation would be that she was in such a good mood for once after winning the previous battle with Jones, that she couldn't think properly. Seriously it was scary how she wasn't all jaded and didn't have the 'I lost faith in humanity' facial expression today.

'Please don't tell me I'm becoming an idiotic rainbow pony kind of girl, which would be one heck of a nightmare.' She thought.

"So how do you two know each other?" Mary-Margaret found the courage to ask, as red as a tomato.

"Long story short; we were neighbors at the age of eight/nine in York, my house was the one right next to her foster family's" David answered happily.

Shit.

Emma felt uncomfortable and tried to appear imperturbable but it was hard. She forgot that little detail, the fact that this guy knew quite a lot of things about her past.

"You... You were in the foster system?" She looked at her with an 'I'm sorry I shouldn't have brought the subject up' face, obviously shocked but mostly, sad.

"Yup" she said popping the 'p' before deciding it was time to go.

"I have to leave early, got some stuffs to fix before school, see you there."

She should have known it, the whole it's-a-beautiful-day attitude wouldn't last long.

* * *

When Emma left the dock, Killian thought he would stay a bit longer. It had always been his favorite place to think. Watching those boats and the so pure water; he enjoyed it.

But tonight wasn't as restful as usual.

He was tormented.

Because of a gorgeous blonde with emerald eyes, who was also an unbearable bitch.

Indeed, the girl left as soon as she 'defeated' him. She simply stood up and disappeared in the darkness of the night.

He really underestimated her. Not only was she beautiful, she was also smart and it seemed like she was as good as him in the art of manipulation. He didn't know if it was what she said that left him speechless, or the way she said it; her eyes gleaming of confidence and self-contentment.

She impressed him this time, and God knows how hard it was to impress Killian Jones.

Emma Swan.

A name he couldn't get out of his head.

As he let out a long yawn, he knew it was time for him to sleep.

* * *

It was about 2 am when he arrived at his place, a small apartment on the 5th floor.

He was actually living with his big brother Liam, who was six years older than him, until this one got married and had a child. So he moved out in a bigger apartment and left this one to him. He totally understood, after years of taking care of him, he had to take care of his own family now.

Killian was good as long as Liam was, his happiness was the most important thing.

They had this small bar/restaurant that they opened a few years ago and the business was going quite good, 'the Jolly Roger' as they named it was full every night, mostly because it was the coolest place in town.

The perfect place to get drunk and forget about your problems, your life.

He worked there every Tuesday and Friday night, sometimes on Monday too but on the weekend, he was the one partying and getting drunk.

After a long and hot shower, he jumped into his bed, in the attempt to fall asleep.

Nothing on his mind.

Sleep was starting to overwhelm him.

There he was sleeping.

Oh no don't you dare thinking about this girl with a bird name.

Do not do not do not.

Fail.

He groaned furiously as he turned on the light.

It was like the memory of the scene had just hit his mind again but this time with a different vision of the thing, with another point of view.

Was he angry?

Yes he was.

He was angry because she won, but mostly he was angry because he let her win.

Did he?

Oh yes he did.

Because it wasn't hard to say something after her 'I supposedly have a super power and I can tell you're lying'; he could have mocked her or laughed loudly, it sounded kind of crazy after all.

But thinking about it again, no he couldn't have.

Because he was actually lying, that's when he realized it.

She did hurt him, by assuming he was that kind of guy, not when she said he was arrogant and being a total ass, he didn't give two shits about this.

But when she told him that his 'soul was rotten', it hurt way more than he wanted it to.

"That's what you think Swan uh? Blind hatred is the best weapon you had, well bring it on!" He said out loud, his voice echoing in the empty room.

He was mad. Mad because he thought she was different, mad because he thought she won't judge without knowing.

Mad because she couldn't see that in some way, they were kindred spirits.

He was impressed because she won the game. But he was disappointed in her.

* * *

**_Okay so I really wanted David and Emma to have this father/daughter relationship that I so love on the show, but considering how she is guarded I tried to _**_**find a way out and this idea of making them knowing each other from before popped into my mind. I know it seems a bit crazy but I actually like it. Posting chapter 6 next week :) **_


	6. Chapter 6 - Wall

**_Friendship development in this chapter with David/Emma &amp; MM/Emma :)_**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Wall**

Emma was now in the school, taking her books in her locker for the next lesson.

She acted strange this morning, she was being all friendly it didn't look like her.

Plus she ran into David Nolan, and she felt like the past was starting to show up. It begins with one person and the rest will follow right? Soon she will learn that her first foster mother is one of her teachers, then that her latest foster brother is a student here or something?

Okay she was being really sarcastic but it was too much for a coincidence.

She didn't really appreciate the fact that she was in the same school as the little miss sunshine male version, who was back then her best friend. And apparently he didn't change, which made the whole thing even harder. In his mind, they would be friends again, eating together at lunch, going out on the weekend and all those fucking craps in the name of 'having a social life'.

And she truly didn't want to hurt his feelings but she won't hesitate a second if one day she'd feel the need to.

She couldn't let a person from her old life turn her world upside down, she couldn't take the risk of having her vision of things changed.

Because she was perfectly aware that the danger was bigger when this person knew how she was before and how shocked he will be when he'll realize how much she changed.

She was certain that the guy wouldn't stop talking about their childhood, considering the fact that he had one hell of a big brain.

And that was a problem.

It was a problem because maybe, it would tender her.

Maybe, well maybe it would make her miss all of this.

Miss her old self.

No she couldn't let that happen. Her only option out there was to pull away from him, and she wasn't out of the woods yet.

Indeed, the guy was there, waving at her from the other side of the corridor and smiling goofily.

"Oh boy." She sighed deeply and forced a smile that was let's say, awkward.

"Emma! What is your next lesson?" He asked, all happy and cheerful.

"English. Where's Mary-Margaret?" She said, as coldly as she could.

"Nice! Well I don't really know she left a few seconds after you did, it's like she is avoiding me. Do you think she hates me?" He cocked his head, obviously unaware of the distance she was trying to put between them.

Seriously? She left? Okay this wasn't tomorrow the two would date, not even in thirty years if she kept acting this way. But after all it was none of her business.

Even if she cared more than she would like to.

"No she doesn't" she responded, absent-minded.

And then he kept talking for God knows how long, saying he was so happy that they crossed paths again after so many years.

He mentioned that time he taught her how to ride a bike, or how to play swords. Bringing up the old days, exactly what she predicted.

He was only a few months older than her but he truly was a father figure to her, at least when they were nine. And he wasn't going to leave her alone, was he?

It was hard, really hard, but she had to. She had to explain him the whole thing, she had to tell him that she didn't have any intention of bonding with him again or talking about the old days.

"Here listen David" she breathed out and stopped walking, making him stop at the same time.

He looked at her with furrowed eyebrows, and she could read the incomprehension all over his face.

"Don't get me wrong, I am too, glad to see you again, it's been a while." She paused and saw the smile starting to appear on his face so she quickly continued, not wanting to give him false hopes.

"But yeah, as I said it's been a while, and as you stated before, people change. Maybe you didn't, but I did. I grew up, evolved or whatever you want to call it. I saw new things, I saw too much. I'm not the same person as I was nine years ago. I'm not this lovely little girl I was back then. But mostly, I'm not a person you want to be friend with anymore."

She was looking at him during the whole speech, his light blue eyes focused on her.

In less than five seconds, Emma saw three different emotions on his face. Surprise, sadness and finally; amusement. Wait what?

"I understand, Emma. I do." He said, with a little smirk. "But you see, I'm not totally convinced."

Oh this was bad.

"If I got it, the choice is more like mine isn't it?"

Of course he wouldn't give up like that. She didn't want to use it, but she needed her Plan B.

"I'm not giving you a choice." She told him firmly.

"Are you fucking serious Emma?" He exploded.

Hold on, did David Nolan just yelled at her?

And swore?

And bloody yelled at her for god's sake?

That was a new one.

"Remember when my parents were about to divorce and my mom decided I wasn't going to see my dad anymore? You, yes you, told me to stand up for my opinion, you, told me I should fight for what I want, always! Yes it was about ten years ago, yes we were two little kiddos and maybe you don't remember any of this, but I do! So I'm going to disobey you, to fight for what I want. And what I want right now, is to be your friend."

She was stunned.

Stunned to see the maturity and the confidence he gained.

When she said he didn't change, she was talking about the whole 'I'm Mr Happy about everything' thing. Yes she knew he wouldn't be the childish boy anymore but this, was more than she expected.

And she was proud.

She was proud of him, of what he became.

They had this father/daughter relationship once but sometimes the tables were reversed and it was more like a mother/son one.

She remembered that moment he was referring to perfectly. And she was touched that those words she pronounced as a child affected him this much.

"Well, see you later, I guess." she said, trying to hide her smile as she made her way to English class.

* * *

She walked in the room and saw Mary-Margaret waiting for the teacher patiently. She sat next to her and the short-haired girl grinned.

"Hello again Emma!"

"What's your game seriously?"

She stared at her with wide open eyes, not understanding what she meant.

"I know I shouldn't come and stick my nose in, but I just wanna know, what exactly are you waiting for, with the Nolan guy?" She explained herself.

This time, the girl looked down, biting her lower lip nervously.

"I'm just... Not ready."

Silence. One, two, three, thirteen seconds passed.

Awkward.

"Why are you asking?" She said in a rush, wanting to put an end to this unbearable silence.

Oh yeah right. Why was she asking?

"Dunno, being curious from time to time" the blonde shrugged nonchalantly in response.

"It's funny, I didn't picture you as the type to talk about crushes and love" she gave her a knowing smile.

"Please. It's just that David is a good guy, no need to doubt on his account." Emma said, crossing her arms on her chest.

"I'm not doubting"

"Great."

She wanted to see them together she was sure of it, they were the perfect match. She couldn't see a better person for David than Mary-Margaret.

And damn it she was sounding awfully namby pamby right now.

"We're talking about me, but what about you, how is your love life going?" She blurted out of nowhere, which took Emma by surprise.

"Can't tell. I'm not having a love life."

"Well, I know some people who seem quite interested in you" she whispered, wiggling her eyebrows.

She won't let the Killian Jones case go will she?

"I'm not here to flirt." The girl in the leather jacket spat.

Mary-Margaret let out a long sigh before saying, with this determination in her eyes:

"You're just protecting yourself. With that wall you put up"

"Just because I don't get emotional over men." Emma shot back, giving her a mocking look.

"There's that wall."

"That's not a wall!" She almost shouted, feeling the need to defend herself.

Mary-Margaret put on her best 'keep talking' face as she took off her light pink scarf.

"Really? Emma. That wall of yours, it may keep out pain..."

"But it also may keep out love." she stated with a little wince, which made Emma roll her eyes.

But she didn't say anything.

Because the girl was so right.

Seriously? She was doing that too now, 'understanding' her?

Like having the Jones dude doing so wasn't enough, what was it with them?

This was worst than she imagined.

Ever since she moved there, she felt like her guard was starting to get down. It wasn't good, she had to strengthen it. Very quick.

"Mary-Margaret, I'm not like you. I'm not a dreamer, nor am I a romantic. I'm not waiting for a knight in shining armor and all those stuffs. I don't hope for things the way you do. I'm perfectly fine with the fact that love doesn't have its place in my life." She told her, with an unimaginable coldness in her voice.

That's when Mr Booth made his entrance.

"Hello students, sorry I'm a little bit late today."

* * *

The lesson had just ended and the teacher gave them this fucking annoying assignment, they had to answer to this oh so existential question 'what is your purpose in life?' for next week.

She didn't see the Jones douche today. He was probably skipping since he had this bad boy reputation to hold.

Why was she even thinking about him?

She shook her head energetically to shake this thought away and was heading to her next lesson, when Mary-Margaret called after her.

"And Emma?" She got closer.

"Thank you. For... Supporting me. In my love life I mean, thank you for cheering for me."

"Because, it means that you care a little for me and, it makes me happy." She smiled at her, and walked away.

What the hell did just happen?

Did she just make a friend?

Well, it appears so.

* * *

**_See yaa next week! Killian/Emma to come xx_**


	7. Chapter 7 - Not so Different

**_For those who haven't seen, I decided that Emma's foster mom would be portrayed by the Blue Fairy because I needed an OUAT character since she will appear more than I expected. Anyway chapter 7 here, enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 7: Not so Different**

It had been two days, and Killian Jones hadn't showed up yet. Not like Emma missed him or something, what a dumb idea.

She was casually sitting at her usual spot, waiting for Mrs. Mills.

And as hard as she tried not to, she couldn't help but look up whenever she heard footsteps, wondering if it was that guy who smoked too much, talked too much and of course, annoyed her too much.

But yet, she was there and even if she was strongly denying it, a small part in her wished he would come.

"Good morning" Mrs. Mills' voice overwhelmed the room.

The lesson started but Emma's mind was wandering elsewhere. He wasn't coming was he?

Like she cared.

She didn't give a fuck right?

Lie.

The truth was that she actually appreciated talking to him. She was never bored when the two of them were interacting, well more like arguing and playing this 'I will break you first' game they improvised.

Their conversations were in some ways, interesting.

It was kind of dangerous, since he seemed to understand her perfectly, to see right through her. But she was starting to get used to it, and that victory at the dock was here to prove her point.

At first she was very disturbed, she just wanted to knock him out so he would stop talking and trying to hurt her with his words, but now it was getting a lot more fun.

Because she was winning.

On her first day of school, she couldn't assume a single right thing about him when he was playing this twisted minded game on her.

But now, he was becoming more 'clear' to her, she was figuring him out a little bit more.

Slowly, but surely.

She was patient, she had always been.

Waiting was something she knew all too well.

Waiting for her parents to come back, waiting for a family to adopt her.

Waiting for things to get better.

And then there's a moment where you just get tired of waiting.

You wait and nothing happens.

She realized it was a waste of time, that she should rather go and make things happen instead of praying and waiting in her bed, covered in her blanket.

That's what she did.

And she got hurt.

Once, twice, she stopped counting.

Because making things happen also meant getting your hopes up for a short period of time only to crush you into pieces when it all stops.

But being patient was the best plan for people such as Killian Jones. That was all she could do.

She will break him first.

"Miss Swan."

Emma jumped a little and looked up, only to see Mrs. Mills staring at her.

"You seem really interested in my lesson." she said, sarcasm flowing in her words.

Emma rolled her eyes and kept them focused on the wood of the table. Mrs. Mills didn't say anything else, so she imagined that she left her alone.

She wondered for a brief moment how it felt like to be a teacher, talking to people who weren't listening, who didn't give a damn, it wasn't a great feeling was it?

But soon, she could hear the noise of woman's heels, meaning she was coming to her.

Shit.

"Here, to wake you up a little." She put something on her desk, it was...

"A half empty glass of water." she raised her eyebrows, not understanding what her teacher was trying to do.

Mrs. Mills' face started to soften, and she was now looking at her intensely.

What the hell?

"Interesting" she said, almost absent-minded.

Yes, what the hell.

Was she this kind of crazy person or- oh God no.

"Please, don't tell me you just did the half full half empty glass of water thingy test on me." Emma let out a heavy breathe as she realized that she had been played, before continuing:

"I said that without thinking, it doesn't mean that I'm officially the pessimistic one or anything."

"It does, Miss Swan, especially because you 'said that without thinking'." She quoted her with a mocking smile.

"I don't see what it has to do with your lesson."

"You would know if you were listening." She pointed at the blackboard and in big letters was written 'Lesson of the day: Measure of optimism'.

"Okay I wasn't listening but-"

The door flung open, which prevented her from finishing her sentence.

Black leather jacket, black backpack, neglected hair; Killian Jones.

"Jones. Always so punctual." The woman said sarcastically as he walked past her to gain his place.

Emma, on her side, was doing her best to seem indifferent about his arrival even if it kind of lightened up her mood.

She was wondering what they would fight about today, and who would win.

She could handle him, she told herself.

But when he sat down, he didn't glance at her, didn't say a word. It was like she was invisible to him.

What kind of strategy was that?

"Jones." The teacher said firmly, pointing her finger at the glass she gave to Emma a short while ago.

"Water? I'm not thirsty."

Laughs.

"Everybody silence; there's nothing to laugh about. It's quite interesting." Mrs Mills scolded.

"It's actually quite pathetic." Emma muttered to herself, but apparently everyone heard her.

"Miss Swan. Do you have something to say? What do you mean by 'pathetic'?" She asked her with a wicked grin.

She looked around and everybody was staring at her, some with curiosity and others with a glimpse of amusement.

But she didn't look at him.

"What I meant, Mrs. Mills, is that Mr. Jones' attempt to make the class laugh was pathetic, just as those who found it funny."

For once she participated, and it was kind of enjoyable. Because honestly, if she could fluster him at the same time, she had reasons to like it.

"Ah. The famous Emma Swan, and her whole 'I despise the entire universe' attitude" Killian said, which made her turn around.

It smelled like a fight was coming.

Exciting.

She was starting to get tired of waiting.

"This isn't disdain, it's observation." She shot back, trying her best to hide a smile that was threatening to appear.

"Because we all know your observation skills are on point."

"They are."

"I don't believe that."

"And I don't give two shits about your belief."

They were so focused on their argument that they forgot they were in a class, but mostly they didn't notice Mrs. Mills was watching the whole scene with a lot of interest.

She was watching those two like she would watch a movie, it was like they were fascinating her.

She was even shushing at some students who were casually discussing, gesturing them to shut up and watch.

"We all know you do." He replied, arching his eyebrow.

"Please, what we all know is that I don't give a fuck about you."

"Li-ar" he hummed. "Bad form Swan, lies don't suit you."

"I'm not lying. Get used to the fact that not everybody is interested in you."

"Oh yes you are; you started it because you wanted it. You're always looking for a fight. Otherwise we wouldn't be arguing in the middle of a lesson."

She widened her eyes as she remembered that she was still in class and that everybody was assisting to their 'little conversation'.

Well it wasn't like she was actually embarrassed to have an audience right?

She cleared her throat and said: "Stop pretending to know me."

"Alas, I know you better than you know yourself."

Damn she wanted to murder him right now, so she could make this cocky smirk of his disappear.

"You don't, how could you?"

"Because we're not so different, love."

"We have nothing in common. You're just blinded by your high self-esteem, thinking you know it all, that you're always right." she spat, her blood was boiling.

"It reminds me of someone, don't you think so?"

She was going to explode. She could feel her fast heartbeats, her breathing becoming fast and heavy.

She was losing control.

"Okay, that's it." Mrs. Mills intervened to put an end to it.

"No I'm not done-" Emma protested but was cut off by her teacher.

"Well you're going to finish this in detention."

Her jaw dropped as she yelled: "What? That's unfair!"

"No it's not. I have to admit that your argument was pretty interesting and entertaining to watch, but it doesn't change the fact that you interrupted my lesson." She shrugged.

"Swan, Jones; detention tonight."

* * *

When the bell rang, Mrs. Mills stopped Emma as she was making her way to the door.

"Wait. And Jones too, come over here."

She rolled her eyes but stayed anyway.

"I just wanted to tell you that this lesson is really made for you. Both of you." She paused.

"More like you two are made for it. But today we were supposed to talk about optimism and not to debate on who is right, so I'd like you to stick to the lesson next time." She said with an accusing look before finally letting them go.

As soon as they left the room, she let out a long sigh.

She had never liked this type of student, rebellious and feisty.

They were hard to handle and she didn't like feeling disrespected.

But these two, well they were intriguing.

Emma Swan was impertinent, and definitely tired of life.

But has hard as she tried, she wasn't careful enough.

Her guard was up for sure, but yet she was still making some mistakes.

When she gave her that glass of water a few minutes ago, she didn't take the time to consider if it was a trick.

And she got trapped.

Killian Jones on his side, was more cautious.

It didn't necessary mean that he was more experienced, it was only easier for him to fit into this personality he created.

The guy was good at fooling.

He would hide his true feelings by acting like some douchebag and everyone would buy it.

Emma would protect herself by acting tough and nobody would notice.

Killian was right, they weren't so different.

But when they were together, well it was another thing.

They were both testing each other, reaching their limits. It was a way for them to learn, to strengthen themselves.

But it was a 50/50. Because at the end their guard will either be stronger, or totally gone.

* * *

**_Next week xx_**

**_PS: thanks to guest Andria for leaving nice reviews on my chapters and to all of you of course, who are reading this crazy story of mine. _**


	8. Chapter 8 - Survivors

**_Hello_** **_people. Chapter 8 here; Detention tiimee! Also, I watched The Perks Of Being A Wallflower recently so that would explain this little quote right here. And because in this chapter the word 'infinite' appears but anyway I'm gonna stop talking. Enjoy!_**

* * *

_"And in this moment, I swear... We are infinite."_

**Chapter 8: Survivors**

"You two are here for an hour right?" A girl with dark blond hair asked insecurely, a book in her hands.

"Aye" Killian grumbled, obviously exasperated.

She was young, very young.

She was around the same age as them actually.

She wasn't confident at all and looked very intimidated.

But mostly she had this look in her eyes, saying she had been brought down too many times and had lost her self-esteem.

It was striking, this was the only thing Emma could see.

She reminded her of someone, but she couldn't tell who and-

She put a strand of hair behind her ear, her whole motion revealed an extreme shyness, awkwardness and insecurity.

But it was so familiar, _she_ was so familiar.

That's it, she looked just like her old self.

"What's your name?" Emma blurted without thinking.

The school supervisor blenched and looked confused, but she answered anyway.

"Ashley"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Emma."

She smiled weakly before returning to her book.

Meanwhile, Emma decided she would start her English assignment. She wasn't really in the mood but it was the only thing she could do to keep herself occupied.

What was the question yet, something like 'What is your purpose in life?'

Well let's do this.

She wrote.

'Some people would say, I was born for something, so now I'm living. Others would say, I am here, now let's give my life a meaning.

That's what I thought.

Life doesn't have a meaning, so we have to give one to it, to find a reason to live.  
And if you can't find any, you're trapped.'

She kept writing, but she was absent-minded, not really thinking.

'Sometimes, life gives you the illusion that you finally found your purpose, only to break you a little more when it all stops. Life likes playing with your nerves.

Human beings spend their entire existence trying to reach happiness, but what is happiness exactly?

People would define it as having everything they ever wanted, making their dreams come true.

Something unreachable actually.'

Her hand was forming more and more letters; she felt like it wasn't her brain that was commanding her moves, it was like an invisible force.

How cliché it sounded indeed.

What did she think she was doing? Practicing some Surrealist Art?

She kept writing anyway.

'Because when it comes to me, I'm not interested in finding it.

Happiness is like a rainbow in the sky.

It seems beautiful, magical, full of hope; you can't see its end, because happiness is infinite isn't it?

But no matter how many kilometers you walk, run, swim; you never reach it.

You get close, very very close, and then it recedes.

So you get tired of trying and you give up.

That's not a problem, we can find other reasons to live you would tell me.  
Like spending time with those we love, taking care of them. And these people could be enough to make us happy, they could become our purpose.

It sounds great at first, before you realize that-'

"-you realize that they aren't rainbows, they aren't infinite."

Emma dropped her pen in surprise, before facing her interlocutor.

"Who gave you the permission to read my homework?" she gave Killian a death glare.

"I did. And it's quite good actually, a little bit unorganized maybe."

"Yup it's a draft, I'm not planning to give this one to the teacher. I didn't really pay attention I just... I just-"

"Wrote down how you feel, let your heart guide your words." he said, looking into her emerald eyes.

They stayed like this for a little while, observing every different shades of their irises.

She finally whispered a 'yes', almost inaudible.

"Okay hum" started Ashley. "I know I'm supposed to keep you both here for an hour but the babysitter just texted me and-"

"It's fine. Go don't worry we won't tell anything." Emma cut her off, giving her an 'I understand' look.

"Thank you so much Emma" she smiled at her. "You can go now, but don't get caught."

She left the room in a rush, but the two of them didn't move.

"Life is full of shits." Killian said, sighing loudly.

"That it is." she added in a sarcastic ton.

"But not for everyone; so life is also fucking unfair." he continued, and she nodded to show her agreement as she said:

"Some people were born with everything, others with nothing else but crap. The sharing thing is damn unequal."

"But yet they still complain about what they don't have. Actually I kind of understand, because human beings are never satisfied.

And life never gives them full satisfaction.

So many different cases; like most of the time people who have the money have a shitty family life because of their work that is consuming their whole time.

If life decided to give you the beauty, you end-up being hated and paradoxically you have more complexes than anyone else.

If it gave you the intelligence, you have to deal with idiots and you think too much about things that others can't understand.

If it gave you the kindness, everyone takes advantage of you."

"Oh and my personal favorite." he stated with irony, "Love. Well what can I say? Love brings nothing but wasted years and endless torment."

She was staring at him during his whole tirade.

He had been hurt too.

He had been through some difficult moments.

He saw too much.

That was the first time since she met him that she realized it. She was blinded by her so-called hatred toward him to see it.

He was being vulnerable at the moment, even if it didn't seem like it. Because indirectly, he had just confessed about being in love once.

And it definitely wasn't the true love-ish fairytale type that we see in those series.

She was scrutinizing him; not missing out any details of his features, of his gestures.

And he was doing this thing with his hand, rubbing his wrist nervously.

So she looked down at it and that was when she saw it.

"Who's Milah, on the tattoo?" The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them.

He stiffened.

His jaw was so clenched that his jawline was now perfectly defined.

The way he reacted immediately made her regret the question, even if she was still being curious.

"Someone from a little while ago." he said, trying to appear imperturbable. But he was fighting a losing battle as his voice was shaking slightly.

"Where is she?" She bit her tongue furiously to reprimand herself for asking, stupid curiosity.

He stood up, putting his jacket on and taking his backpack.

"She's gone." he said with bitterness, making his way to the door.

Silence.

"Life is a hoe."

He froze.

She was apprehending his reaction.

Would he be angry or wouldn't he care, walking away?

Finally, he turned around to face the blonde.

"Right, life is a hoe." He repeated.

"One heck of a motherfucker." she confirmed, and he smirked.

"I was afraid you would say something so lame and unoriginal such as 'I'm sorry I didn't know'" he admitted.

"Why would I say that?" She arched an eyebrow, trying to hide a smile that was starting to form on her face.

"Because that's what everybody says"

"I'm not everybody dude."

"Oh yeah I forgot that you were so special, sorry Ma'am." he winked at her, and she rolled her eyes in response.

He then walked to her, and said while looking at her straight in the eyes:  
"I meant it, you truly are special Swan."

"If special is an euphemism for 'you're a crazy specimen', I think I'd pass." she folded her arms on her chest and gave him an exaggerated fake smile.

"No. By special I mean... Different."

Oh. So that was a compliment wasn't it? And it ravished her more than it should have.

Come on Emma.

It's not because nobody actually compliments you that you have to get all happy when a random guy does so! -Random guy; right-.

She looked down, in the attempt to hide her embarrassment -and contentment- but he grabbed her chin to make her look up.

"What now Swan, can't handle a compliment?" He mocked her.

"I can't handle lies, that's another thing." she spat, pushing his hand away.

"We both know I wasn't lying, use your superpower and see."

Damn you Killian Jones.

He had this way of using everything to his advantage when they were fighting and it was fucking annoying.

Which made her think about the fact that they weren't actually fighting.

And here she thought the only reason she would spend time with him was for the fight; that moment when they were both trying to find their respective weaknesses so they could win.

But yet, she did find his sensitive spot today. Not by pushing his buttons, but by having an actual conversation.

And this was bad.

Really bad.

She had to make it stop.

Right now.

"You're not going to get me with flattery. Find a new strategy." she said dryly.

"This isn't a fight, love."

"Isn't it?"

Her guard was up again. Higher than ever.

And it didn't take long for his to do the same.

"Then I say we drew 0-0" he answered coldly and started to leave; but when he reached the door, he turned around one last time.

"You know Swan, this thing we're doing. This isn't living."

"It's surviving."

And then he left, slamming the door.

* * *

**_Boom! Introducing Killian's past are we? I love putting quotes from OUAT in my chapters I'm like highfiving myself and that's so cool. Next week xx_**

**_ONCE UPON A TIME IS BAACK! THE EPISODE WAS AMAZING._**


	9. Chapter 9 - Rumor Has It

_**I'm not super proud of this chapter but I did the best I could so. **_

* * *

**Chapter 9: Rumor Has It**

She was in the mall.

Right.

Emma Swan was in the mall. How the hell did it happen?

She didn't really know actually.

As long as she remembered, it was a casual Saturday and she didn't have any plan; except spending the entire weekend locked in her room so she wouldn't have to deal with a Blue trying so hard to bond with her.

Now she was getting all cozy with her hot cocoa with cinnamon and her earphones, thinking about this one heck of a good weekend she was going to have.

Because what better way to spend your free time than doing nothing, being lazy?

She was perfectly fine with this plan.

All by herself with her series and music.

What a paradise.

But that was before her phone buzzed, it was Ruby.

Yes she got their numbers, more like they got hers but anyway.

"Hello?" She spoke through the phone, trying to hide her annoyance.

"Emma! How are you doing?"

"Good thanks." She almost groaned.

Why was she calling exactly? Well she was planning to do a shopping session with Mary-Margaret and Elsa and she wanted her to join them.

At first, Emma was thinking about the nicest way to refuse the invitation.

She usually used the 'no sorry' but she was starting to believe that it was a little bit harsh.

Seriously. She was Emma Swan. Did they really think she was the type of girl who would spend her days in a mall? What a joke.

But then she heard Blue yelling from downstairs that it was time to eat; and without thinking, she accepted the invitation quickly.

"See you in 10 minutes." she said before rushing in the stairs, keys in her hands shouting a cold 'I'm out' directed to her foster mother.

So that was because of this desperate act of running away from this house that she was now sitting on this little sofa, surrounded by noise in a crowded place full of dumb people; when the three other girls were picking hundreds of clothes to try on in the fitting rooms.

"Which one do you prefer? This one, or this one?" Ruby appeared out of nowhere, showing her two shirts that were supposedly different.

"The one with a flower or the one with two flowers? What a dilemma." she said in a mocking tone.

"That's true Ruby, the difference isn't that huge, the two are great." Elsa added with a small grin.

"I might take both then." She chuckled. "What about you Emma? Don't you want to buy anything? I guess your dilemma is more like 'what color will my leather jacket be today'"

This made Mary-Margaret and Elsa laugh.

And when it comes to Emma, she was about to roll her eyes. But she didn't have the chance to do so.

Because she was stopped by a small giggle that escaped from her mouth.

It wasn't forced, it was a true giggle and it surprised her.

But no matter how hard she tried to deny it, she had to admit that she liked them.

A little bit.

Mary-Margaret was the definition of innocence, and it was in some way tendering. She was also one of the sweetest person she had ever met.

Ruby was the spicy one, more like crazy to be honest. Sure she liked gossiping and stuffs like that; but her bubbly personality was charming. She attracted people like a magnet.

And Elsa; well she was less talkative than the others but she looked really responsible and mature.

"Hey what is it between Killian and you?" Ruby questioned her with a knowing smile on her face.

She furrowed her eyebrows. What was it between them?

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well, it's a small high school we have there, and rumor has it that you two had a not so sweet talk in psychology lesson."

Oh that was the thing she was referring too. She didn't fight well in that round, he got her easily.  
But maybe if Mrs. Mills didn't interrupt them, she would have find a way out. Or maybe not.

What was she expecting her to say; something such as 'we're great he's my BFF'?

It wasn't like whatever kind of relationship they had there was entertaining.

"It's impossible to have a nice talky session with someone like him." She said with a shrug.

"It's also impossible to talk to him in general."

Point taken.

She had moved in about a week ago but it was enough for her to see that he didn't have a lot of friends, if not any.

And that he wasn't even trying to make some.

She wasn't trying either, but apparently she had some now. And it wasn't as unpleasant as she thought it would be.

"What now? Because I said he was pathetic and that we spent the lesson arguing I'm being hated by the bitchy crowd?" She stated sarcastically.

Elsa laughed before saying with irony: "Don't mess with their golden boy."

"You two seem to be spending quite some time together." Ruby continued.

She wasn't letting it go. Great.

"Come on. We were fighting. Not being friendly or something."

"Okay I believe you, that's actually great. I mean as I said before, he is trouble."

Emma rolled her eyes and huffed: "why would you all assume that? He isn't that bad boy-ish is he?"

Okay maybe a little.

"He is but this isn't the matter, there are rumors flying and-"

"Ruby." Mary-Margaret scolded.

Okay what the heck was happening here?

"What? This isn't a secret everybody knows about it."

"Emma, those are just rumors, you are old enough to choose who you want to hang out with." the girl with the pixie cut said, giving her a reassuring smile.

"Right, but what are you guys talking about? And for your information, I don't have the intention to befriend him." She spat, more aggressively than she expected.

"Some crazy stuffs, nothing really important." Elsa shrugged, but apparently it was important since they won't tell her.

It didn't matter, she didn't care about him anyway.

She had never been the curious type right? Why would it change now? She didn't want, nor need to know.

Lie.

"Seriously, what is it all about?" She grumbled, definitely annoyed that her curiosity took over her.

The three girls exchanged concerned look to one another but seeing Emma wasn't going to give up, Ruby volunteered to tell the tale.

"Well there are plenty of rumors about him, because of his mysteriousness and all... Like the fact that he's a spy from God knows which government" she chuckled.

Wow. People could be really stupid to invent things like those.

One of the main reason she hated people in general.

Actually, there was an infinity of reasons why she hated people.

"We also hear things like 'he's living a secret life'"

Oh no really.

Come on Ruby.

She wasn't trying this with her was she?

"They also like saying he is a sorcerer, practicing dark magic or something. They say he's a vampire too" she laughed, trying to play it cool but Emma wasn't duped.

She knew exactly what she was doing. Trying to cloud the issue.

Did she really think she was that gullible to buy it?

She knew that Ruby was giving her all those informations that didn't matter because there was a bigger one and she clearly didn't want to tell her what it was.

But she needed to know.

Damn you curiosity.

"Rumor has it that he got facial plastic surgery because he was supposedly ugly before and-"

"Stop it Ruby." Emma cut her off, dryly.

"This 'I'm gonna tell her tons of useless stupid stuffs and keep the only important one for me' thing. Not working. Like just tell me, or shut up."

The girl with red highlights looked down, pouting like a child would do after getting caught eating candies without the permission.

"Okay fine Emma, I'll tell you the main rumors." Mary-Margaret sighed heavily after a few seconds of silence.

"We heard things about how he punched a middle-school teacher, and once got into a really violent fight and the guy he was fighting with ended up in a hospital."

Here she was getting somewhere finally.

"They say he doesn't only smoke cigarettes too, and they say..." She paused, trying to force a smile.

Please just spill it.

The suspense thingy is lame. And unbearable.

"They say he killed."

What the actual fuck.

At first Mary-Margaret wanted to let out a laugh to make it look like a silly thing but instead, her voice turned into a whisper; giving an ounce of drama to the scene. She perfectly knew it wasn't true, she was sure of it.

Well she wanted to believe this at least, but even if she didn't want to admit it; she was doubting.

A tiny little bit.

Because nobody confirmed it, nor denied it.

"Bullshits." Emma spat.

"I know!" Elsa said, trying to seem relaxed when she was so tensed.

"I can't believe people can be fucking bastards like this. What do they win uh? Entertainment? Is that really worth it?" The blonde with the leather jacket raised her voice, features of anger growing on her face.

"Right. A guy who smokes, wears black and doesn't talk much; the perfect target. And then there are those girls who would exaggerate everything because a dangerous and mysterious boy is something they find freaking hot don't they?"

"They think they can use a name, an identity and do what the fuck they want with it. It's not a problem if it hurts the person's feelings, as long as it doesn't touch them. As long as they're having fun. Human beings are disgusting."

Yes, she was defending him. Because it was unfair. And Emma Swan despised unfairness.

Hell she couldn't stand it.

Mostly because she knew what it was all too well.

She had been a victim of it her entire life, and it was one of the hardest thing to get used to.

Actually, you never get used to it.

Unfairness is unfair; deal with it.

"Thanks for this afternoon, I gotta go." She said, leaving the girls without even giving them a glance.

* * *

**_I think I will upload on Fridays instead of Thursdays from now. I don't know actually. But the next chapter is coming soon! _**


	10. Chapter 10 - Prickly but not hateable

**_So so so so sorry! I was supposed to upload this chapter last Thursday or Friday but it's been a crazy busy week at school so I wasn't able to. I'm sorry I truly am. By the way. The Captain Swan scene in 4x15. It brought tears to my eyes. And I cried yeah._**

* * *

**Chapter 10: Prickly but not hateable**

"Emma!"

She turned around, only to see Elsa running after her.

"I'm coming with you." she said, giving her a warm smile.

Emma didn't bother hiding her surprise. So the Australian girl wanted to spend more time with her?

"Don't you want to finish your shopping session?" She asked rhetorically.

"Nah, I'm a bit tired." was what she answered, wincing slightly.

They kept walking for a while, without talking to each other and the ambiance was starting to get a little bit awkward.

It was a sunny day; which was a rare thing in this period of the year. It almost seemed like spring.

"Tell me more about yourself." Elsa blurted.

She looked at her with a confused expression, well she didn't see that one coming.

"What do you mean by 'more about yourself'? She inquired, frowning.

"Well I don't know, date of birth, what you like, how your family situation is like and all, siblings etc."

Oh, so she was trying to bond with her wasn't she?

Emma wasn't in the mood for that, so maybe she should turn her down right now.

But she didn't know why; she felt like it was wrong to do so, it definitely didn't sound like a good idea to her.

She inhaled deeply before responding: "Okay. October 22th, I don't like a lot of things but I for sure love hot cocoa with cinnamon and" she paused, thinking about rather she should tell her or not but decided to continue anyway.

"I don't have a family, I'm in the foster system." she admitted with a shrug, in the attempt of looking nonchalant.

She finally looked at Elsa, and she was confused because she seemed truly surprised.

So Mary-Margaret didn't tell them? Well she didn't certified it as a secret though.

She was now expecting the saddened expression and the pity look, (which she hated more than anything else) and was about to make up an excuse so she could leave; but then Elsa asked with an imperturbable voice: "How is it like? The foster system I mean."

Again, she didn't see that one coming. That blonde with braided hair was definitely full of surprises.

"Shitty." Emma groaned.

"Is it that bad?"

"You couldn't even imagine."

The way she said it was harsher than she wanted it to be.

Not like she cared about offending people or something.

Everybody knew Emma Swan was neglecting and careless.

But it didn't change the fact that at the moment, she regretted putting so much acerbity in her words.

Elsa hadn't responded yet. Was she mad?

"You're right." she huffed after a while. "I couldn't even imagine, for the simple reason that I've never been in any of this."

Emma could feel that the teenage girl was controlling herself, she could almost feel the anger growing inside of her body.

'Well done' she thought, 'you made a girl as sweet as Elsa angry. How did it even happen?'

"See Emma, I noticed this thing you're doing ever since we met. You think I'm too ordinary, the average, not worthy of being a friend of you-"

"I never said you weren't worthy of my friendship, it's just that I don't usually do friendship." She cut her off.

One thing she didn't want for sure was her having such a low opinion of herself.

Because she noticed that Elsa was lacking confidence, and she didn't deserve feeling this way.

"Whatever. I'm just trying to be nice out there but it would be great if you could you know, warm up a little bit more to me too." she added with a sad smile.

That was it.

Emma felt guilty.

She felt guilty because she made the platinum blonde feel bad.

"Elsa, you do know I'm not really into this." she said awkwardly, trying not to offend her this time.

"I do Emma, I do. But I just wanted to tell you that..." she paused, playing with her hands.

"Just because I haven't been through those things you've been through, or because you feel like I'm too much of a girl, talking about stuffs that the average persons of our age would talk about. Well it doesn't mean that I can't understand you."

Okay the girl in the leather jacket was pretty embarrassed at the moment.

She wasn't a huge fan of those 'serious talking sessions about personal feelings'; it was more than awkward to her.

She didn't respond anything to it, so Elsa continued.

"I know what you're thinking. You're probably thinking something like 'who does she think she is, this blonde with her Aussie accent'"

it made her giggle.

"'Pretending to know everything about me; she can't understand me she's just trying to convince herself that she can'"

She then shrugged, before adding with a sigh: "And you're probably right. I don't know if I understand you or not, but this isn't the matter here. Sometimes, you have to stop thinking so much. Sometimes, you have to stop being serious because it isn't a shame to laugh, you know? And sometimes, it can be good to talk to people. Not necessarily to me, talk to whoever you trust but perhaps it could make you feel... Better?"

Man. The girl was impressive.

First of all, she revealed herself as being really talkative.

Then, she wasn't as ordinary as she pretended to be.

She wasn't right in everything she said, but almost; so in some ways she understood her.

A little bit.

Her speech mostly showed that she was a really nice person.

She was trying her best to help, without forcing her to talk about things she didn't want to talk about.

She wasn't the kind who would do anything to just know; even if she was dying to on the inside.

She was great.

"You're such a good person Elsa. I wish you could realize it. You're definitely not another sheep in the herd you hear me?" Emma said, looking at her straight in the eyes.

"Thank you Emma." she gave her a genuine smile.

"Thanks to you, I mean you come hear and try to help me when I'm so hateable." she joked in response, even if she meant it.

"Emma, you're a bit prickly, but you're certainly not hateable."

"I'm prickly?"

They both bursted out into laugher and Elsa was right about one thing for sure; laughing was definitely not a shame.

* * *

When Emma walked through the door; Blue was sitting on the sofa, talking to someone on the phone.

She sneaked in discreetly, but stopped dead in her track when she heard her name.

"Emma? Well uh yeah she's doing pretty good at home."

She didn't know if it was the lie or the word 'home', but she felt like throwing up right now.

"Thank you Principal Gold, my pleasure." she hang out the phone, and that was when she saw her.

"Emma! Where were you sweetheart?" Blue said with the sweetest voice she had in her.

"Out with girls from school." she shrugged.

"What was this thing with Principal Gold?"

"Oh, that's great you made some friends!" She said with enthusiasm.

"And for Principal Gold, he called to say that you'll have to go to his office tomorrow in the first hour."

In his office?

What did he want seriously.

Couldn't he just leave her alone?

"He also asked me how your first week went but I couldn't answer to this, since you know. You don't really tell me things." she winced slightly.

Emma rolled her eyes and let out a long sigh.

Why was she so annoying; constantly trying to bond with her?

Couldn't she just leave her alone too?

She was about to go to her room but Blue stopped her by saying: "Emma please, talk to me."

She looked at her and she saw something that hit her.

Sadness.

Blue was sad.

She was sad because she refused to talk to her.

It was genuine sadness, she wasn't acting.

"What do you want me to say?" She huffed, sitting on the sofa in defeat.

"Anything, just don't lock yourself in your room." Her tone was pleading.

It was almost endearing.

Almost.

"I don't have much to say."

"Emma, I'm trying to understand you, you know that? I'm doing my best. I know you didn't have the easiest life out there but please, give me a chance." She said, her voice shaking gently.

"I want to help you. I don't know how I could, but one thing I know is that I want to."

"I don't need your help." the teenage girl blurted, keeping her eyes fixed on the wall, as she started clenching her fists.

"You don't need it or don't want it?"

"Both."

"Emma try to talk to me."

"What do you think I'm doing right now?" She was already wroth.

One thing she had difficulties to handle was her anger.

She was working on it but she just couldn't control it.

Blue looked down, before saying: "I just want you to know that you can count on me, I care for you. And I was hoping that..."

"Maybe I could be a family to you-"

"YOU'RE NOT MY FAMILY!"

She was now on her feet breathing heavily, her eyes turning red.

Family.

A word too many.

The one she shouldn't have pronounced.

What was she saying? She thought she could replace the mother she never had? The mother she never knew? The mother she never loved and all of this because she abandoned her?

She shot her a death glare before rushing in the stairs; with the intention of locking herself in her room for good now.

"Emma! Please come back it's okay!"

Too late. She slammed the door.

* * *

**_I_** **_hope you enjoyed it! And one last time: so sorry for being late on my update. Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I'm going to meet Jennifer and Colin in 3 months! So excited! Xx_**


	11. Chapter 11 - Game of Gold

**_It's mee. Yup; I'm not late on my update as promised! _**

* * *

**Chapter 11: Game of Gold**

"Miss Swan."

She was standing at the door, arms crossed on her chest.

"Take a sit, don't be afraid. I'm not going to eat you am I?" Mr. Gold said with a little smirk.

She sat down, ignoring his remark as she looked at him straight in the eyes with a glint of insolence.

"I heard that you've been in detention lately."

So that was what it was about.

"Right." she muttered.

"On your first week, congratulations Miss Swan."

She rolled her eyes. Why did he care so much?

She was about to defend herself but in that moment; the door flung open.

Belle.

"Sorry to bother you Mr. Gold, I just wanted to tell you that I took care of the problem with the library's books and it's now solved." the secretary said while looking down, clearly intimidated.

"Thank you, I knew I could count on you."

She blushed at the compliment and whispered a quiet 'goodbye' before leaving.

But Emma noticed something.

Indeed, the principal's gaze was lingering on where the brunette had left.

She wasn't imagining things, she saw it.

"Don't you think it's a bit risky to mix up love and work." she said without thinking.

And she should have thought.

She was now internally face palming herself for being so spontaneous.

'I have to work on that' she told herself.

"Careful dearie, careful." he said with bitterness, and gone was the relaxed Mr. Gold.

"Remember our deal? You drop the rebel attitude so you can get peace."

"We both know I won't have peace even if you left me alone."

"Then this is none of my business."

She shook her head slightly and let out a long sigh. When it came to him, he chose to simply ignore the signs of insolence she was showing.

"What was I saying yet? Ah the detention right."

"It wasn't my fault."

"I heard about that too. So apparently you've met Killian Jones." he stated, his lips curling into a small smile.

What a fucking bipolar this man could be.

Even if deep down, she knew it wasn't bipolarity.

She wouldn't admit it but the truth was that, Gold was better than her at playing this game.

But what was his game actually?

"That I did." she responded nonchalantly, trying to act natural.

"He's really something, don't you think?"

She started scrutinizing him, not leaving out any details. She really wanted to understand what he was doing here but she just couldn't.

"If you say so" she shrugged, trying her best to dissimulate her frustration.

"You two disturbed Mrs. Mills lesson am I right?"

He had this amusement in his eyes, like he wasn't totally hating this fact.

And he wasn't even trying to hide it.

"It seems to humor you." She stated.

Yes she decided to use the daring card; it was one of the main arrow in her quiver.

"It's quite enjoyable actually."

Okay she was sure of one thing; he didn't get along with the psychology teacher.

Not like he got along with people in general.

"So, how was your encounter with Mr. Jones?"

Emma was starting to get tired of this conversation, because she couldn't understand his strategy.

If there was one thing she learned about Gold, it was that the guy was a god in the art of manipulation. He wasn't asking all these questions because he was being curious she perfectly knew it; he was looking for something and she couldn't see what.

"Why do I have to answer to that?" she spat.

"Oh getting touchy." he smirked devilishly.

"Not at all, it's just that I don't see the point of this talk. I get it, I'm here because you're not really pleased that I've been in detention so you're going to threaten me again. Well save some time and skip the rest, I'm ready for the threats."

He smirked again.

And she hated when he was doing this.

"I'm going to forget about it. Let's pretend you haven't gotten a detention."

"Okay fine?" She said surprised.

Something was wrong. Why did he make her come if he wasn't up to anything?

"Now go."

She stood up and made her way to the door, when Principal Gold called after her.

"And Emma" she turned around.

"You're not the only tough student in this school, I know how to deal with people like you. Don't think you're out of control." He said dryly.

"If you're referring to the Jones guy, I don't consider him as tough." she responded with a mocking smile.

"It depends of your definition of tough. Because if it necessarily includes the stealing, then he for sure is not."

She felt a long shiver running through her entire body.

_He_ _knew_.

"The past belongs to the past" she whispered loud enough for him to hear, before leaving.

* * *

She was flustered.

More than she wanted to.

She hated being played, manipulated. But with Gold she couldn't win; because he clearly had a head start on her.

But mostly, she was revolted.

One word, it took him one word only. And it was enough for those memories to stream in flashes in her mind.

She started walking faster in the hope that it would shake them away; and now another feeling took place in her body.

She was furious.

Because she had just understood that this was exactly why Gold made her come to his office. He wanted to unsettle her and it did work. He spilled it innocently, so innocently at the very last second.

It was a way for him to tell her that he knew way more about her than she thought.

"Here she is!" A familiar voice said happily.

She looked up and saw Mary-Margaret and David. Together?

"Where were you Emma? I haven't seen you in ages! I asked Mary-Margaret where I could find you but she didn't know either." the boy told her.

"I was kept prisoner by Gold." she sighed.

"Why is so?" The girl with the pixie cut asked with concern.

"Got detention last Friday because of Killian Jones."

"Killian Jones?" David exclaimed.

"Yup."

"I'm gonna go talk to him." he said, his jaw clenching slightly.

"Wait what?"

"And going to tell him not to bother you again."

The blonde rolled her eyes. He was doing his protective daddy all over again.

"David, I can handle myself. And let's not overact he is not truly 'bothering' me."

"I don't want him to go near you, he is a-"

"A what? Trouble-maker? Bad boy?" She mocked him.

"Well yeah. He is bad Emma."

"Because what people say about him makes you think he is."

She was pissed by how influenced and naive people could be.

"I think that Emma is right, she can do whatever she wants." Mary-Margaret, who kept quiet for a while, said shyly.

David scratched his neck nervously before huffing: "I... I didn't say otherwise, but I don't want anything bad to happen to you Emma."

"It's okay."

She looked at the two of them, and as usual Mary-Magaret was blushing and looking down, intimidated by the proximity between her and David at the moment.

Oh yes that was right.

The two love birds were not love birds yet.

She would usually keep her nose out of other's business but this time she had to do something in order to help them getting together.

Here comes the silly rainbow pony talks again, why was she sounding so lame seriously?

And that was when an idea popped into her mind.

"I was thinking," she started.

"There's a nice cinema not so far away from the school, maybe we could go there tonight?"

They looked surprised at first but it was soon replaced by delight.

"Sounds great to me!" David said.

"Sounds great to me too."

"See you later." Emma waved them goodbye and went to her next lesson.

She giggled.

They really thought she was the kind to like cinemas and all the crap?

Please, spending two hours in a room full of people eating loudly their popcorns and touching the chairs with their sticky hands, no thank you.

If she had to watch a movie, it would be in her bed, wrapped in her blanket. It was way cozier and at least she wouldn't have to bear those long and annoying commercials.

All she had to do now was to cancel at the very last minute so they would have to watch God knows what movie alone.

* * *

Emma was now sitting on her bench at the dock, she really enjoyed this place.

She didn't want to go back to Blue's house, she was avoiding it.

Well she already was before but more now since the two of them had a little argument.

Okay it wasn't an argument, it was her yelling at her poor foster mother because she pronounced the word 'family'.

But sometimes you can't control your anger you know? And she was way too proud to apologize to her.

It was around 7:35 pm; she was sure that David and Mary-Margaret were at the cinema waiting for her right now since they were both really punctual.

So she called them.

"Mary-Margaret? It's Emma. You two are already there? I'm sorry I can't come I caught a cold."

"Yeah you're right I should consider buying a thicker jacket. No it's okay, you can go with David watch the thing since you guys are there, we'll do it with the three of us another time. Thanks bye."

She smiled to herself and put her phone in her pocket. She will sneak in the house discreetly around 2-3 am she thought, when Blue and her husband will be sleeping deeply.

"Have I ever told you that lies don't suit you?" A male voice said from behind.

Here we go.

Killian Jones.

* * *

**_Bex is returning in the next episode! I didn't like Zelena but I really missed seeing Rebecca so I'm so excited. Xx _**


	12. Chapter 12 - Perception

_**I know I know I'm a few days late please forgive me. Here chapter 12 xx**_

_**HAPPY BIRTHDAY JENNIFER WE LOVE YOU **_

* * *

**Chapter 12: Perception**

Killian didn't go to school today. He could hear his teachers' voices saying: "You can't keep skipping class, do you want to miss your exams another time?"

He couldn't, really? _Watch me._

The sky was beautiful; a mix of pink, orange and a tiny bit of blue. It was the dusk.

He was making his way to the dock, thinking it could be a great idea to smoke two or three cigarettes out there and as he arrived, he heard a familiar voice.

Indeed, Emma Swan was sitting on the first bench.

He smiled. Let the fun begin.

"I caught a cold" she said, through the phone.

He couldn't help but chuckle at this. Right, she caught a cold. That was why she was sitting there when it was bloody cold outside.

As she hang out the phone, he decided it was the right time to show himself.

"Have I ever told you that lies don't suit you?" He started with a smirk, remembering that Friday he told her that in Mrs. Mills' lesson.

"I'm starting to think you can't go a day without seeing me." was what she said in response, having this daring look in her eyes.

On the moment, it took him by surprise since he was expecting her to make a great demonstration of her annoyance instead of this sassy comment. But it would take more than that to fluster Killian Jones.

"I can't. You're my sunshine; lighting up my day, keeping me alive... What are you doing to me woman!" He exclaimed, raising his arms in the air and closing his eyes to accentuate the theatrical despair.

She shook her head gently, rolling her eyes; but he noticed the little smile on her face. As hard as she tried to deny it; she couldn't lie to him. It was obvious that she did like his company.

"So, what could a beautiful girl like you be doing here, alone; at almost 8 p.m?" Killian asked, sitting next to her.

"Why so curious?"

She wanted to keep up the secret thing uh? Or maybe she wanted to test him, to see if he was good enough to win it.

And her intense gaze was just what he needed to understand; she was challenging him.

"Just who are you Swan?" He said calmly, so calmly that she looked unsettled for a second.

He was being honest, he truly and desperately wanted to know who she was. He wanted to climb that wall of hers, to break it, to simply destroy it.

Because she was this kind of difficult puzzle you would spend days on without succeeding, and then you would finally give up.

But he won't give up on her. Ever.

* * *

If Emma went to the dock, it was to avoid Blue and to have peace. But funny thing considering the fact that she was now there, with Killian Jones. And she quickly learned that nothing was peaceful when it came to him.

The irony.

He had just asked who she was; and she clearly didn't want to answer to that. But she wasn't letting him have the last word either.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" She shot back, with less strength than she wanted it to have. Her voice was almost trailing; if she wasn't Emma Swan, she could have sworn it was an attempt to flirt.

But Emma Swan didn't flirt.

"Perhaps I would."

The sincerity in his voice hit her. And she didn't know if it was because of this but she looked away, not able to handle a staring contest right now.

They both kept quiet, listening to their heavy breathing getting lost in the wind.

"You know something Swan? You made quite an impression at school." Killian stated suddenly, breaking the silence.

"Did I?" She responded, squinting.

"Aye. You already have a bunch of rumors on your account."

"Really?" She folded her arms on her chest.

"They say you're 20. Are you?"

She laughed.

"Do I look that old? No, I'm 17, turning 18 next October. How old are you?"

"A bit older; almost 19. Let's say I'm not really the good student." He said with a wince.

"I kinda figured that out."

"They say you are antisocial."

"I am, this isn't a disease but I can't say I'm not." She shrugged.

"Are you a fake blonde?" He inquired playfully, raising his eyebrow.

"Nope. 100% natural man."

"They say you're lesbian."

"What?" She widened her eyes, only to burst into laughers a few seconds later.

"I mean no I have nothing against homosexual people, mostly when they are not afraid to say it because it means that they accept themselves. But no I'm not."

"Too bad, I saw it as an explanation to the whole you-resisting-my-charms thing." He sighed before adding a pout.

"Your charms?" She mocked.

"I am devilishly handsome."

"And devilishly modest. My turn now. I heard you were a vampire." She faked a scared expression.

"Then if I'm Edward Cullen you're Bella Swan?" He played along. "Don't be so sad, you keep the awesome bird name."

"Bird name? Thank you." She rolled her eyes.

What they were doing there seemed innocent, almost like small talk. Unless she decided to bring it to another level. Which she did because 'okay enough with the joking', was what she thought.

Let's start the serious business.

"They say you kicked a teacher and sent a guy to the hospital." she repeated what Mary-Margaret told her, looking straight ahead to avoid his gaze.

His jaw clenched. She knew she was approaching the sensitive spot at the view of this sudden change of mood.

And the atmosphere was getting a lot more tense.

"I've never hit a teacher. But I did beat this guy up."

"Why is so?"

"I thought that what we were doing was confirming rumors, not giving justifications." He huffed.

Right. But now that he wanted to keep it a secret she was dying to know.

"Let's change the rules." She said dryly.

"You wanna do an 'ask everything you want and I will answer'?"

She considered it. And she knew it was a bad idea.

A really bad idea.

But it was also a way to discover more about the bad boy.

"Yup. So why?" She was going to regret it, she knew it.

He exhaled deeply before saying "he insulted my mother."

"And what did your mother think of it?"

"Nothing, she is dead." He deadpanned.

She swallowed her saliva.

She wasn't expecting this one. And she was also utterly astonished by how he said it.

Most of the people would use euphemisms to say things like that such as 'she's gone'; just as how he announced Milah's death when they were in detention.

To her, 'gone' sounded like regret. 'Dead', well more like anger. But why would he express anger toward his mother's death?

"How?"

"Cancer." He spat.

She understood immediately. He was angry because he couldn't have done anything to save her, he was furious because he was a spectator to this disease and not a fighter. He couldn't have any regret since he couldn't blame himself for anything; she was doomed, the game was rigged since the beginning and he couldn't change this fact.

"Why did you move here?" Killian's voice interrupted her train of thought.

She looked up to face his gaze, and she realized that he perfectly knew that something was wrong in her family life. The question was how?

"Foster system." She said, keeping her head high.

"Orphan uh?" He smiled weakly. "I learned to recognize those. They all share the same look in their eyes, the look you get when you've been left alone."

"How could you know about that?"

"'Know' is kind of exaggerated. Let's say we've spent quite some time together lately and I started having suspicions. That you've just confirmed."

"Anyway." she breathed out. "Next question; do you have any siblings and what about your dad?"

He pressed his lips together and clenched his fists. Another sensitive spot.

"I have a brother who's married and has a child. And when it comes to my dad."

"He abandoned us when my mother was pregnant with me. Leaving her with two children. Little bastard."

He was like her.

He was an orphan too.

He knew what it was to get left, he knew all of this. And she didn't notice. She didn't notice that behind this cocky personality of his, he was hiding a painful past including a wasted childhood and a disastrous experience of love.

"I got lucky though, never been in the foster system. My brother was major when we became what they call orphans." He kept playing with his hands as his eyes were showing an extreme sadness, that she never thought she would see on someone like him.

She felt guilty now, because playing this game was her idea, even if she knew it was going to hurt. But she didn't know it would hurt him that much. So she had to fix the thing now, she owed him that.

"Hey you know what they say" Emma decided to joke around with the rumors she heard from the girls to improve the atmosphere. She couldn't bear this tension anymore. "They say you got plastic surgery" She chuckled.

And he did too.

"They say you're a spy... What else? Oh yeah,"

"They say you killed" she let out another giggle.

But he didn't say anything, didn't make a single noise.

She stopped chuckling.

No this couldn't be true.

She looked into his eyes, fearing the answer.

And she could see the regret and sadness all over his face.

So she started to put the pieces together.

_Death. Regret. Sadness._

Everything was starting to become clear, even more now that he was rubbing his tattoo with strength.

"Killian." She half-whispered.

He looked up, mostly because he was surprised that she used his first name and that she said it in such a sweet voice.

"Look I don't know what exactly happened, but no matter what; this wasn't your fault."

"No matter where, when, how; it was all an awful accident. I do believe that, you should too." She continued, her voice shaking because of the coldness yes, but also because of the emotion. She wasn't totally an emotionless robot finally.

He didn't respond at first, nodding slightly; but then he looked at her straight in the eyes and declared:

"For someone who's never been in love, you're quite perceptive aren't you?"

"Maybe I was, once."

* * *

**_I'm so excited for tonight's episode! That I'll watch tomorrow only -.- . And normally you'll be getting chapter 13 this Thursday if I'm not having too many homework. Chapter 13 will be some sort of transition thingy I mean well you'll see. _**


	13. Chapter 13 - Damaged

**_Guess who's not late on her post? Mee mee mee! As I said before; this chapter is a bit of a transition. So here it is! (I feel like I wrote this chapter months ago)_**

* * *

**Chapter 13: Damaged**

"Emma has just called, she isn't coming." Mary-Margaret told David with a sad look on her face.

"That's too bad" he responded with a pout.

"Well now that we're here let's watch the movie anyway" he continued, smiling at her.

She knew she was probably as red as a tomato right now.

Wait. They were going to watch a movie together. Only the two of them, that was a date right? She bit her lower lip nervously at the thought, what was she saying this wasn't a date; it was supposed to be a friendly thing. But when did they even become friends?

She nodded shyly and he took her hand to lead her to the room. Yeah she was sure about it, she was burning red.

They watched a romantic comedy and it was actually cute but quite boring too.

But she didn't care. She spent the evening with David and it was all she had ever wanted.

She just loved it when their hands would touch; trying to grab some popcorns. He would give her a cheeky smile and she would smile back.

She was happy.

It was getting dark outside. The stars were so bright.

He asked her if he could walk her home; she didn't have the choice actually.

Because David was protective, he said he would be totally out of mind if he had let her walk home alone at 10 p.m. He added that we may never know what could happen to a young and beautiful lady like her wandering in the street this late.

She looked down in response but couldn't repress her smile. He thought she was beautiful. Not only this word was one of the nicest to hear, it was even better when it came from his mouth.

She was feeling as light as a feather, as free as a bird, as bright as the sun.

She was feeling good.

And when he kissed her right cheeks in front of her house before giving her a nervous smile; it felt like all of this was a wonderful dream.

"See you tomorrow" he whispered before disappearing in the dark alley.

That was one of the best evening she'd had since a long time.

She was feeling like a princess.

Was it love? She didn't know, but it sure did look like it was. Because it was the only thing that felt _right_.

She couldn't think properly, but she was sure of one thing:

_Tonight was a fairytale._

* * *

"Emma." Mr. Booth gestured her to approach his desk as the bell rang.

He waited until the room got empty before continuing.

"That's an interesting homework you gave me there."

He was referring to the homework she had done about two weeks ago, the thing she started in detention on her first week; that he gave back this morning.

"Which means...?" She arched her left eyebrow.

"Which means what it means. It's an interesting homework, but don't do that for an exam; the result won't be really good."

"If it was so bad, why did you give me an A?"

He smirked. Apparently her confusion was humoring him.

"I think you know better than I do that your assignment wasn't... Academic."

"No proper introduction or conclusion; it was unorganized. And what about the directions I gave you?"

Oh true. She completely neglected those points.

Because she had never liked following the rules. She hated following instructions, which was why she hated school.

It wasn't because she was a lazy ass, she actually enjoyed learning new stuffs but the problem with school was that everything was too right, too concrete.

You are called clever if you learn your lessons by heart, if you do exactly what the teacher wants you to do. You are called a genius when you are an academic.

And here she thought geniuses were those who thought differently; who wouldn't allow themselves to be opinionated. Who had this thing the others didn't have; who had this sparkle that is so hard to find in people these days.

Well to our society, you are a genius if you know how to apply formulas properly and how to quote writers; you are a genius if you are a robot.

They say school is a way for you to get a great education and that it helps you find your way.

But the truth is that, school is conditioning you. It forces you to think like this and not like that, to do this and not that.

At school, there is no place for artists. Because if someone is good in art class only, will people say he is intelligent? No. Even if it truly is a form of smartness.

"You are not so fond of rules, are you?" Mr. Booth's husky voice echoed in the empty room.

"Nope." She shrugged.

"Good. They were made to be broken anyway."

She looked at him in the eyes, features of surprise marked on her face. He truly was a great teacher.

"True."

"Emma you are intriguing." He paused. "You are strong, I have no doubt about it. And I have to say it's beautiful. You know why?" He inquired rhetorically.

"Because your strength... Well your strength is brimming with vulnerability."

She was now looking at her feet like there were the most captivating thing in the universe. She wished she could be anywhere else but here.

"I saw it in your assignment; I saw the sincerity. You poured your heart and soul into it. And that's exactly how I wanted your homework to be. The point of this homework was to let you; students, reveal yourselves. Mission accomplished for you, congratulations."

"One last thing before you leave." She stayed there, waiting for him to continue.

"You might be damaged." He said almost dramatically. "But you're not broken... Yet."

"So don't let that happen."

* * *

[...]

* * *

Everything changed, everything stayed the same. Months had passed and to her astonishment; Emma was still there in Storybrooke. Blue didn't send her away, she didn't exactly understand why but she surely had her reasons.

It was less tense between the two of them than before. They talked sometimes. They weren't going to the supermarket or the mall together of course, but she wasn't spending her days locked in her room anymore.

Indeed they had a really serious talk a few weeks (or months?) ago.

Blue let her know her point of view on the situation and Emma realized one thing: she did care for her.

She wasn't faking it or anything. She saw the concern in her eyes, she saw the sadness too.

So she decided to give her a chance. She didn't do that a lot.

But she had to be clear on one point; she wasn't going to change her little routine for her. She told her she had the right to go back as late as she wanted; that she didn't have to give her explanations if she didn't want to.

Because giving her a chance didn't mean she had to change her way of being for her.

At school; there were some little changes but everything else was pretty much the same.

First of all; Gold. What can we say? Well a major change in his behavior was that he dropped the vigilance a little when he saw that Emma Swan wasn't a threat after all. Sure she had detention from time to time but it was still rare and definitely not alerting.

Then there was this whole him-pinning-for-the-Australian-secretary thing. They would flirt a little bit; discreetly. Some little smiles and gazes were exchanged here and there you know.

Mr. Booth was still the mysterious, yet so appreciated teacher.

Mrs. Mills stayed the same too.

What about the girls? Well Emma's friends were doing pretty good. She was still not used to call them 'friends'; but it was the truth after all. They truly were her friends.

Elsa and her grew closer. She liked her personality and she recently found out that they had one thing in common: sarcasm.

Ruby hadn't changed. She was still this bubbly and shiny girl. Even if she had cried for days when she discovered that Victor; this guy she had been crushing over for a while, was nothing but a player.

Of course we can't forget about Mary-Margaret and her Prince Charming: David.

Their relationship evolved a lot after their 'first date' at the cinema. It wasn't only her blushing around him now, he was too. The love between them became pretty obvious at some point but both of them were too shy to ask the other out.

After weeks and weeks of awkward looks and grins when they were next to one another, it was David who declared his love for her on Valentine's Day. They were now spinning the perfect love; and they didn't care if people at school were criticizing their romance. More like they weren't even aware of it; too in love to notice. They were like Snow White and her Prince; having this true love thing.

And then there was Killian Jones.

After their conversation about the rumors that led them to reveal a little piece of their past; they were avoiding each other. It was childish, but Emma wasn't in the mood to confront him after seeing him being so vulnerable.

It just didn't feel right.

Three weeks had passed and nothing; she hadn't heard of him and it was maybe better. So that was it? Whatever twisted relationship they had, it was gone?

But then he was there, leaning on the wall and definitely waiting for her.

_"__Swan. Let's walk a bit."_

_"What makes you think I wanna walk with you?"_

_Sigh._

_ "Seriously? I thought we were done with this."_

_"With what?"_

_"You know what. Just get your ass over here and shut up."_

She raised her eyebrows. She was about to shoot something back but she didn't. Because he was right; they were done with the fighting. She shook her head gently but joined him anyway.

Since that day, they started spending more and more time together. No they weren't friends, but they had interesting subjects to debate on and it was entertaining. They would talk about the future, argue about what was wrong and right in our society and all the stuff. They would sit at the dock and talk for hours when they didn't feel like sleeping.

But one thing they forbade themselves to ever mention again: their past.

Because it brought up too much pain, too much vulnerability.

They would talk, but never about their personal feelings.

There was still that wall.

* * *

_**Hope you liked it because I kinda do. I like adding my own opinion on society and all in my chapters so you can see how annoying and unlovable I am. Xx**_


	14. Chapter 14 - Pride and Carelessness

**_Yeah yeah I'm late. The thing is that I always write three chapters in advance (don't know if we say it that way) and I start panicking when I don't have them. So well you know what, here's chapter 14._**

* * *

**Chapter 14: Pride and Carelessness**

Killian was leaning against the wall of the school building. He was chewing the top of his cigarette with an ounce of flippancy. He then checked his watch and a few seconds later, the bell rang, marking the end of class.

He didn't move. He stayed like this for two, three minutes.

More and more people passed him by, he could hear their annoying laughs.

He sighed.

And then he saw her. Her golden hair was messy and slightly flying because of her fast walking. Her eyebrows were frowned as usual and her backpack was thrown nonchalantly onto her shoulder. Today, she had an orange leather jacket.

"What is taking you so long Swan? I've been waiting here for what seems like ages." He complained, but had this amused look on his face.

"Oh boo hoo I've never asked you to wait for me." she rolled her eyes.

"I know, but I wanted to. So, what is going on with you?"

She looked up, arching an eyebrow which emphasized her confusion.

"What is going on with me?"

"Well, you know. The jacket."

She rolled her eyes another time but couldn't hide her smile.

"I mean, is there a special occasion or something? A date perhaps."

"You dickhead."

He learned to ignore those nicknames she was giving him, it had never really bothered him anyway.

"Not gonna lie, I prefer the burgundy one."

They started walking. It was crowded and noisy since a lot of people were on the same road to get back to their house.

He reached for his pocket with the intention of lighting a cigarette. But what he didn't expect was a blonde slapping his hand off.

"Can you just stop with the smoking already? I get it, you're a bad boy but still." She groaned and took the rectangular box away from him before throwing it on the ground.

"You serious Swan?" He gave her an exasperated look which owed him a mischievous grin.

"When did you start smoking anyway?"

Good one. When did he? He couldn't even remember; which certainly meant that it was quite a long time ago.

"The truth is that I don't bloody know." He shrugged, still trying to remember.

He heard her letting out a long sigh before saying: "Are you trying to tell me that you were born with a cigarette in your mouth? Baby Killian Jones knew from the very beginning he'd become a rebel."

"Ha Swan. Very funny. Your sarcastic comments are my all time favorites."

And it wasn't a total lie. Because Emma Swan without her legendary sarcasm wouldn't be Emma Swan.

The more he spent time with her, the more he enjoyed her company. Well, he had always enjoyed it actually.

As months passed, they learned to know each other a little bit more and it was way more pleasing than before. Indeed, they put an end to their 'I want to break your walls by testing your limits' game by an unspoken and mutual agreement. Maybe it was too exhausting for their little brain, maybe it was too... painful.

He liked their relationship back then too to be honest. But it didn't guide them anywhere; they were going round and round. And whenever she was letting her guard down; it was up the next second and they would fight again. It was tedious at the end.

Now, it was let's say; different. Sure they were arguing sometimes. Often. They would argue to defend their opinion and idea, which was a normal thing to do. Because you can't debate without arguing right?

He did learn a lot of new things about her, for example that she was anti idealistic when it comes to a political point of view, or that she hated the beach like there was no tomorrow.

He heard a lot of little anecdotes from her. But nothing truly personal. And at first he thought it was going to bother him but it appeared that, he didn't care that much. He realized he didn't want to force her revealing herself to him anymore; he was now willing to let her choose if she wanted to or not. He was willing to be patient with her and to give her the time she needed to open up to him.

If she ever would.

It wasn't a friendly relationship, it was a kindred spirits thing. They would talk when they felt the need to, because they knew they could count on one another when it came to listen and, well just understand.

"You haven't been skipping class much lately." The blonde blurted out of nowhere.

"Aye so I could see you more often and let your beauty mesmerize me."

She shook her head gently, -yes he was still a flirt- and said: "No seriously. That's a good thing for your final exams and all. Why this sudden change?"

It was true that lately, his feelings toward studies had changed a lot. He was even revising from time to time and his grades were getting better. But there was a reason to it.

"I just realized that I was tired of this. Tired of this school and those silly guys who didn't understand life. I just want to graduate and leave this bloody shit."

"I see. Same here; it's exhausting to see people who get all happy when they buy a new lipstick or backpack. It's annoying to be surrounded by deep superficial idiots who think popularity is the most important thing in the world. Man, we're in a damn high school. Everyone will graduate this year. You will leave too. Next year; whatever popularity you gained by cheerleading or bitching around won't exist anymore. You'll be all by yourself discovering what real life is and how ugly it is. All you'll have left will be regrets; you'll regret to not have realized it sooner because now, well now it's too late for you."

He loved hearing her talk. Hearing the intonation, the way she accentuated some words due to anger and how her voice would shake slightly because of it.

And her tirades were always so aggressive, full of hatred; she was literally spitting on the world. They were interesting.

_ She_ was interesting.

"You know what's the problem with us Jones?" She inquired rhetorically, which dragged him out of his reverie; but mostly she had this tone in her voice. Indeed, it seemed like she had just come to a realization.

And not a good one.

"Because there's a problem with us?"

"Yes. We are too proud."

Boom. He had to stop a little bit to think about it. Too proud? What did she mean?

He thought again.

And he understood.

The two of them were in some ways, arrogant. They had this disdain in their eyes, they were despising everyone. So even if it wasn't what they meant in the first place; unconsciously they thought they were too good to simply mix with the crowd, that people were too stupid and unworthy of their attention and that they understood the meaning of life perfectly when the others didn't.

"Perhaps. But there's a reason to it." He tried to defend himself.

"And what could it be?"

"We are more experienced than them when it comes to living. As you said before; they don't know what real life is. They are still those naive and ordinary people you see everywhere."

But as he pronounced those words; he realized one thing. It was pretentious. Hell it was damn pretentious. And now he was starting to see where she was heading.

"I mean I've thought about it more than once and now I just, it's uh." She stopped for a moment, like she was preparing her speech in her head, to finally continue.

"Our way of thinking is so narrow minded. I mean, I get it that our lives aren't quite fairy tales but... I mean it's hard for me to say that since my pride is bigger than America itself. But let's be honest; aren't we overacting? We're pretending to have seen it all, being all like tortured-thinker-wanderer. But maybe we're pushing it too far?"

He could feel she was embarrassed. Because Emma didn't like when her motivations were questioned, mostly when she was the one questioning them. He knew how much she hated having to reconsider her vision on things. But he couldn't find a proper answer to it. Was she right? Or totally wrong? Were they forcing themselves to act this way, and they tried so hard that they arrived at a point where they couldn't tell if it was only them exaggerating, or if they truly became jaded with time, in a natural process?

"Love, what I think is that you're thinking too much." He finally said, trying his best to stop thinking himself because he knew it would lead him to other questions without answers.

"Yeah that's right. I talk a lot uh? But I don't do anything. When you hear me talking, it seems like I'm going to change the world. But let's face up the unpleasant truth; I won't." She faked a giggle but he knew how much it hurt her.

He didn't agree with her, he was quite convinced that she will do great things in her life.

"You're too pessimistic Swan. What makes you think you're not able to do such a thing? Because in all honesty, I've yet to see you fail." He said, giving her a genuine smile.

She pressed her lips together and sighed, before responding: "For the simple reason that I am not the right person for that. You know, I wanna be someone. I want to leave a mark on earth before I'm done. But those are just wishes, because the universe doesn't care about people like me."

He was about to argue but she didn't let him do so, as she continued to explain herself.

"It can't care about people who don't care about it in return."

"Then my guess is that we're in the same category." He huffed.

"Apparently." She looked up to face his gaze and what he saw was astonishing. He could see it, the flame, the sparkle and it was clearer than ever. Usually, her irises were darker; it wasn't easy to see the brightness because it was hiding in the deepest corner. But right now, it was shining like stars.

In one word: _stunning_.

"You and I, we understand each other." She told him with strength, still looking at him straight in the eyes.

"Look out for yourself and you'll never get hurt right?"

"Worked quite well for me."

"Yeah... Until the day that it doesn't." She said in a lingering voice, before looking away.

"That's where you live." Killian stopped in front of a little yard. He knew he was acting like a coward but he decided to play the card 'I didn't hear what you said' because it was better for both of them.

He saw Emma staring at the yard for a while, before facing him again.

"I may keep walking a little bit."

* * *

_**We're approaching the OUAT season finale and I'm not emotionally prepared. Anyway now I won't promise to post every week in case I'm late again but I think the worst it can get is you guys waiting two weeks.**_


	15. Chapter 15 - Rebels without a cause

**_WARNING: this chapter requires James Dean knowledges because I'm obsessed with him and absolutely wanted to write a chapter in his honor. So if you've never heard of him, I suggest you to do a little bit of searching to know who he was; but how he was mainly, his personality. Or you can just read the chapter, the choice is yours._**

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**Chapter 15: Rebels without a cause**

"So, tell me something Swan."

It was around 6p.m; the sun was about to go down. But they were here, walking in this alley surrounded by trees and the smell of some newly born flowers.

"Now that you've mentioned your will to become something; it reminded me of this English assignment you were doing a long time ago."

She tried to remember and it didn't take long. She knew exactly what he was referring to. He was referring to this homework that owed her a little speech from Mr. Booth; and a great headache next because, the Emma Swan she was, his words got her thinking the whole night.

"So, what's your purpose in life?" He inquired.

"I didn't know you had such a good memory." She mocked him.

"I asked you something." He said, taking a more serious voice.

She sighed.

"I don't know, but one thing for sure; _my purpose in life does not include a hankering to charm society._"

She looked at him, wondering if he got the reference. And apparently he did, since he was now furrowing his eyebrows slightly.

"This isn't from you is it?"

"Because you think I'm not clever enough to say such a thing?" She put her hand on her heart, taking a fake outraged expression. He simply smirked in response.

"You're right; it's from James Dean. Ever heard of him?"

He widened his eyes as features of joy appeared on his face.

"You kidding? The guy is a god!"

"I know right?"

She was surprised but delighted too, because teenagers these days didn't care about actors and other artists from the 40-50's, they weren't even aware of their existence actually. And it was a shame because people like Dean, Clift or Hepburn were artists who were worthy of being known and remembered.

Today, our world is dominated by silly pop culture and commercial bands. She wasn't going to lie, she listened to it too from time to time; because it was catchy and relaxing. Or maybe it was because of the socialization thingy that was spilling its poison more and more in human's veins with time.

Commercial songs were what she was humming most of the time and she couldn't deny the fact that she enjoyed listening to it; but let's be honest, if we focus on the lyrics only and not on the melody, they are senseless. No deeper meaning or anything. Well it was normal after all, music was made to have a good time and absolutely not to make you think or teach you things about life.

"Did you put it in your assignment?" Killian's voice interrupted her little thinking session.

"That I did. At the very end of it if memory serves me right." She chuckled.

"Daring uh? I love it." He winked at her.

They kept walking. If you didn't know their story and saw them next to one another in that moment, you could have sworn they were a couple. Because it was spring and there were flowers, and singing birds, and colorful trees, and then there were two teenagers walking in this street, surrounded by this romantic atmosphere...

And _I_ _fucking hate spring._

"Which makes me think..." He paused, scratching his neck nervously. Killian Jones was nervous, that's right.

"I have the complete Dean collection and I haven't watched them in a while." He continued in the same nervous tone.

Oh wait. Was he trying to tell her that-

"I was wondering if you'd like to go to my place to, you know have a James Dean marathon." He breathed out quickly.

That was exactly what she feared to hear.

Because inviting her to his place, well it was crossing a line. It was what friends did. And little did she know, they were not friends. It was too private so she had to refuse.

But at the same time, she didn't feel like going back to Blue's. And it's been such a long time since she last watched a James Dean movie.

Moreover, she had a hard day full of tests and it was exhausting, she was exhausted. So she wanted to relax which was totally normal.

"Okay." She heard herself half-whispering, without really thinking. Maybe because _she_ _didn't want to think._

A genuine smile appeared on Killian's face as they kept walking, their steps making a rhythmical sound in the empty and quiet alley.

* * *

"That's a cozy apartment you have there." She pressed her lips together, struggling with herself to appear relaxed when she clearly wasn't.

"You think so? It's kind of dull." He chuckled.

She was sitting on the sofa whereas Killian was looking through his DVDs for a movie.

"Ah here they are. I have 'East of Eden', 'Giant' and 'Rebel without a cause'."

"Nice collection."

She couldn't do anything about it: she was absolutely tense. She shouldn't have come because she felt totally out of place right now. What did she get herself into?

"What do you like about James Dean?" She said in a rush, wanting to not think about how awkward and uncomfortable she was feeling.

He joined her on the sofa, putting the three DVDs on the low table in front of them.

"Well first of all, the man was a fucking genius." He started. "Talent was flowing in his veins. He had this way of acting and it makes you feel so many emotions."

"And then there's this whole rebel and 'I don't give a fuck' attitude."

"But it wasn't that only, there was this vulnerability too." She said, smiling weakly.

"Aye. He was a 'vulnerable rebel'. And he had this 'sensitive virility'. That's something he created."

_Vulnerable rebel. Sensitivity._ She didn't know why but it reminded her of what Mr. Booth once told her, something like '_your strength is vulnerable'._ Now was not the moment to think too much Emma.

"He had this style, with the 'I have this cigarette in the left corner of my mouth' thing" she told him in a really serious tone before bursting into laughers, soon joined by Killian.

"Wait is he the reason you smoke this much?" Emma asked him, raising her eyebrows.

"Nope. My guess is that it's just some nasty habits."

"Do you smoke cigarettes only?"

"Aye. I tried other stuffs as a wanton kid but it was a disaster. And damn stupid." He explained.

"Let me guess; you ended-up puking the shit out of you."

"That's it lass. Not so dashing is it?"

She shook her head playfully in response before taking the three DVDs.

"'Giant' is three hour and a half long, plus James Dean doesn't appear much. Though when he does, he's the only one you see." She stated as Killian nodded in agreement.

"I like 'East of Eden'."

"Did you read the book?" He inquired.

"Yup. My all time favorite. Steinbeck is a genius. Seems like our world did have some great people finally. People who made a difference for sure." Emma said with a sad smile, even if she was trying really hard to not show she'd just had a second of blues.

"Hey love." He said, nudging her gently. "I don't care if you don't believe me; but you are going to make a difference. You may not know it, but perhaps you already are."

"I don't take your shit Jones." She spat. "Anyway. Not 'Giant', not 'East of Eden'-"

"Why not? I thought you liked it?" He frowned.

"That I do." She bit her lips slightly before looking away, as nervousness was gaining her. She could feel his gaze on her so she faced it, and a knowing smile appeared on his face.

_Shit_.

He was perceptive.

"No Swan don't tell me this movie got you crying I can't believe-"

"Just shut up Jones and let's watch 'Rebel without a cause'" she cut him off, looking almost shameful.

"The tough Emma Swan can cry. That's the greatest day of my life." He teased as she rolled her eyes.

"I won't mind seeing you cry, love." He added honestly.

"Can you just cut the crap already? This is the only story that ever made me shed a tear okay? Because Cal is awesome." She defended herself as she stood up to put the thing in the DVD player.

* * *

As the movie ended, Emma stretched lazily like she used to do after watching TV for quite a long time.

"I hate it that Plato died." Killian blurted.

"Same." She said before taking her grilled cheese (that Killian made during the movie, how cute is that) and biting in it.

"So," she started after finishing her bite. "What do you think about the concept of this movie?"

"I like the theme."

"A developed answer, is it too much to ask Mr. Jones?" She folded her arms on her chest with a mischievous smile.

"Well, you know they chose to tell the tale of teenagers without real problems, but yet end up in some twisted situations because they're the ones creating some by trying to grasp the meaning of life. They're here thinking they know everything about the universe when they have tons of new things to learn, and think their life is the shittiest. That they are in some ways doomed and stuck in a world that doesn't understand them. So they decide to act like some trouble-makers because they can't find a better way to live. Because they're trying to find themselves, fearing to lose themselves in the process. When in the end, they are nothing but rebels without a cause."

He looked at her in the eyes, and she saw that he had just realized it too. He was talking about _them. _It was now striking.

"Thinking about the fact that James Dean died at the age of 24." Killian said, changing the subject, clearly not wanting to argue about whether or not they were rebels without a cause.

"Well, he gained immortality." She shrugged before continuing: "though I would have loved having the chance to meet him. You know, he wasn't especially lovely. And he had this nonchalance in him and you just couldn't tell if it was forced or natural. The titles of the newspapers were all like 'tough guy or big bluff'. Good question. But we never considered the fact that maybe he couldn't tell himself."

Oh here they were again._ 'Reminds me of someone'_ she could hear her conscience yelling. Why did everything they said were actually a pure reflection of themselves?

"Okay it's late, I need to go back."

"Aye." He pressed his lips together.

"Thank you for inviting me. So goodnight I guess?" She said as she put her jacket on.

"Hm." He raised his eyebrows. What was he up to this time?

She watched him scratch behind his ear as he said with this husky voice of his: "Perhaps gratitude is in order now?" before gently taping his finger on his bottom lips, clearly expressing what he was expecting from her.

And here comes the flirt. Go Emma, show him you're not interested. Make this cocky smirk of his disappear.

"Yeah, that's what the _'thank you' _was for."

What the hell was that? It came out way weaker than she wanted. It was almost languishing. Oh great, and now she was smiling. Kind of.

"Where's the goodnight kiss?" Killian said, getting closer.

He wasn't giving up was he?

"Please, you couldn't handle it."

Bad idea Emma. _Really_ bad Idea. Do you realize that you are openly challenging him? And don't you know? He loves a challenge.

"Perhaps you're the one who couldn't handle it."

Okay enough.

She grabbed him by the collar of his coat, bringing him to her as she crashed her lips on his brutally. It didn't take long for him to respond to the kiss as she felt his lips starting to move against hers. There was nothing romantic in it. It was more like a horny kiss than anything else. It was them letting it all go, pouring their soul into it and eating each other's faces (sorry, told you it wasn't romantic). It was simply months of sexual tension finally released. Her hand found its way in his hair and it was only a matter of time before he did the same, tangling his fingers in her messy locks.

And as wrong as she knew it was, it didn't change the fact that it felt great. _Holy shit_ it did feel great. And he truly was a good kisser though she will never tell him that. No need to flatter his ego.

Their breathing became heavy, she was running out of air, one last move; _the last one ever_; and she pulled away.

"That was..." He muttered as he tried to catch his breath.

"_A one time thing._" She said, feeling her fast heartbeats, before letting the collar go and standing up from the couch. She made her way to the door, her legs shaking slightly and turned the doorknob before leaving.

"_As you wish_" was the last thing she heard when she closed the door from outside.

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**_I KNOW RIGHT FINALLY! Long chapter uh? So I could share with you my love for James Dean. R.I.P angel; it's been 60 years._**


	16. Chapter 16 - Live fast, Die young

**_Sorry, I had a hard week. Plus OUAT is gone for at least 4 months and the finale killed me._**

**_Don't hate me; the chapter is here._**

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**Chapter 16: Live fast, die young**

She kissed him. They were fucking kissing.

Yes he was the one asking for it, but it was just him doing his usual tease for the day; which rhymed with flirting session. Yet he never expected her to actually go for it. And she did. That Swan girl was definitely full of surprises.

He couldn't think properly, all he could focus on was the taste of her mouth. All he could hear was her noisy breathing. All he could smell was her perfume, a mix of mint and caramel. And all he could feel was how smooth her hair was in his hands and how soft her lips were on his.

And then she pulled apart. Claiming it was a one time thing. Leaving him there, more confused than ever.

"_As you __wish_" he managed to say in a way that looked like a sigh; when she slammed the door.

He was still in the process of clearing his mind as he brought his right hand to his lips, gently brushing them with his fingers.

He exhaled deeply, his rosy cheeks loosing their firmness for a while.

What the hell was wrong with him? It was just a kiss so why was he so flustered?

_It was just a kiss_.

A little kiss. Even if it was one heck of a good kiss.

But this wasn't the matter here. The matter was this weird feeling in his stomach. And how his arms were shaking. Or how his brain was replaying the moment over and over again. And the fact that he could still remember her smell and how it felt to have her lips on his. And now he was smiling like an idiot.

Yeah _what the hell_ was wrong with him?

His hands were quivering too. He tried to stop it by grabbing his right wrist with his left hand; so he looked at it to do so.

M-I-L-A-H.

Those five letters were dancing on it, surrounded by the redness of the tattoo.

His first love.

* * *

Their first meeting? Well it was about three years ago. He was sixteen and she was older than him, something like nineteen.

He was helping his brother at the bar he had just opened. It was a casual Friday night and he had just gone back from school. He was there, preparing a drink; there were a lot of people.

And then he saw her, entering the room with this slender gait just as if she owned the place. She had long and wavy raven hair, falling on her shoulders like some waterfalls. And those eyes. As blue as the ocean.

She got closer, sat on the high stool right in front of him and crossed her legs with that elegance of hers. She asked for a drink. But not water _oh no _because she wasn't the innocent girl. She asked for some vodka. And he wasn't so sure if whether or not she was the right age for it but she said it with so much confidence that he just couldn't refuse it.

Her voice was kind of dull and ordinary, but don't ask why Killian thought it was the most beautiful melody that ever existed on earth. Well what? He was young, _broken_ and had never experienced love. And maybe hormones where doing things to his brain too.

There was something different about this girl. She had this glint in her eyes that others didn't have. She had this sassy way of looking at people. But mostly when you see her, you just know that she is pretty fierce.

As he gave her the drink, she introduced herself.

She was called Milah. What a dreamy name. She told him that she was on spring break and decided to spend her vacation here, in Storybrooke. Aka this small town far away from everything.

But why? What would a young adult be possibly doing in such a boring place? Especially when this young adult looked more like the party animal kind.

He was literally mesmerized, he simply couldn't take his eyes off of her.

She told him that she was looking for a quiet place to relax for a week or two, and that she loved discovering new landscapes.

She had travelled pretty much everywhere, from big cities to deserts. She had seen it all, big malls to garage sale, classy restaurants to fast foods, luxury hotels to camping tents.

They talked the whole night, laughed as frenzy was all they had.

And they fell in love in the process.

Killian had never felt something so pleasant and so disconcerting at the same time for what seemed like forever. It made him forget about all the bad things that happened in his life and that were haunting him every night.

He didn't know if what she felt for him was as strong, but what he knew for sure was that kissing her in the empty street at 2 a.m seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

He found it, finally. That one thing that was missing, that was letting a huge hole in his stomach.

The remedy that would heal his wounds.

The key to happiness.

They had been together for four months now and those were the most intense months of his life. There were ups and downs like in every couple but it didn't change the fact that he was in love and he was the happiest man on earth.

The age difference wasn't that huge but it still was unusual; though it went unnoticed because he looked older than he really was.

Even years after, Killian couldn't help but wonder if she loved him truly or if it was some sort of tenderness, the kind you would have for a child. Maybe that was it. Maybe she was just being bored and trying something new by dating him. Or maybe she pitied him and saw him as a lost little puppy who needed affection.

But at the end it didn't matter.

She made him feel loved, she made him feel _alive_.

For once, he didn't feel like a tormented soul that was wandering and couldn't find peace of mind. He felt like a _human being; _and a lucky one.

Perhaps it was her mysteriousness that dragged him toward her. Or perhaps it was because of her vitality. Or perhaps-

But deep down he knew _why_.

He knew that it was because she was this kind of girl who got tired too soon all the time. And what happens when you get tired too fast? You have to live fast. You have to seek experiences and make them happen as soon as possible. The excitation only lasts a few minutes, hours sometimes so you have to find another thing to do the next day.

And that was exactly what he needed. He needed to keep himself occupied to live fully, so the ghosts of the past couldn't catch up on him.

If their relationship lasted, it was because they were trying new things everyday, every seconds of their lives were filled with discoveries.

And it was _great_.

But of course life had to mess around.

It was a sunny day of July; finally the summer vacations. The two of them decided to spend some time together and go on a little road trip.

Liam lent them his car for that. His old big and dirty truck.

It seemed like they were hundreds of bags in the car boot and it was really heavy.

And the little guy knew it was a really old car and that the tires weren't all new. He chose to ignore this little detail. Deadly mistake.

As he was driving, the car started gritting. Flat tire. It was okay at first, until it became unbearable.

Milah told him to get it check and they agreed to stop at the next station.

But then he lost control.

And he lost his mind at the same time.

He knew all too well that hitting the brake wasn't the right thing to do when you had a flat tire. But on the moment you can't think properly, you have thousands of stuffs mixing up in your mind and you feel like your head is going to explode. That's basically how stress works.

So he did it, he hit the brake.

What happened next only lasted a few seconds but it felt like hours for the two lovers stuck in the truck. It started rolling and rolling over.

And then a noisy 'Boom'. Moment of impact. He would later learn that what they bumped into was some kind of wall delimiting the road.

She died on the shock. '_Live fast, die young_'.

He ended up with a a few hematomas, a broken leg, arm, and a broken heart.

Oh and let's not forget: remorses.

Like life wasn't done with him. Instead of killing him like it should have, they preferred keeping him alive so the pain could consume him and suck his soul.

He never forgave himself. And he closed himself off more than ever.

Apparently, he didn't deserve a happy ending and he clearly understood why.

* * *

He closed his eyes, thinking about this event was always very painful. He could remember every detail perfectly, those memories were haunting him.

He could still picture her big emerald eyes and-

Hold on what?

He couldn't help it, he tried to fight it. But the image of the woman with raven hair was getting blurred. Her hair was getting fairer and fairer now. The curls lost their definition and the color reached the golden blond.

Her face wasn't oval anymore but round and slightly squared on the chin zone.

Her cheekbones were clearly more voluminous and her skin was now in a peachy ton.

Her warm smile turned into a pout of disdain.

She rolled her eyes. Her bright green eyes.

Those eyes that were telling so much, those eyes that were expressing all the pain, those childish eyes that were begging for help.

And that look. That look that was yelling at him 'catch me, I'm falling'.

_She was Emma Swan._

He opened his eyes abruptly when he realized that he was thinking about her and not about his defunct girlfriend.

But why?

He knew the answer.

"_Bloody hell_" he muttered, more frustrated than ever.

He finally realized what he tried to bury so deep inside.

He fell in love with Emma Swan.

* * *

_**I will really try to not be too late next time xx**_


	17. Chapter 17 - Flawed

**_Oh hii !_**

* * *

**Chapter 17: Flawed**

When Emma went back to Blue's, it was almost 10 p.m. She was in a daze, feeling like all her energy was leaving her body.

She stepped in the house and she saw Blue sat on the sofa, legs crossed with a cup of tea in her hand.

"How was your little wandering session dear?" She said with a small grin. As their relationship improved a lot these past few months, she now felt comfortable enough to tease her a little bit.

"Okay, hum great I think." Emma mumbled, but her eyes were looking god knows where; she was having this 'faraway gaze'.

"Everything is alright?" Blue inquired, trying to hide her inquietude.

"Hum yeah I'm going to sleep good night."

Blue knew something was off, she never went to bed before at least 1 a.m. But she let it go anyway because she clearly didn't want to start a fight.

Emma was lying on her bed, eyes closed.

The memory of the evening hit her another time.

What the hell did she do? Why did she kiss him?

He was challenging her. And she never backed off when it came to a challenge.

_Don't lie to yourself kid._

You kissed him because you _wanted to_.

It was true. She was having a great time and feeling good, there was this Dean nostalgia and some grilled cheese; the perfect evening.

So she did it even if she perfectly knew she was going to regret it.

Why was she torturing herself thinking about it seriously? It wasn't a big deal, _it didn't mean anything_. Right.

And now she was up to wonder how he felt about it.

He surely didn't care, it was just a kiss, _a challenge_. He didn't mean it.

He probably moved on and forgot about it the second she left his apartment.

So why couldn't she do the same?

Enough with the thinking girl.

She did a huge effort to stop replaying this scene in her mind and she felt like her brain was twisting at the same time; but she finally managed to fall asleep. At 10:30 that was a nice job.

* * *

She stretched as she yawn lazily.

She brushed her eyes a little bit before reaching for her phone, covered in her cozy blankets. 11:15 a.m.

That was what appeared on her screen.

She widened her eyes as she jumped off the bed and started running in the room.

She was fucking late.

* * *

Emma Swan was never late. But perhaps she accumulated too much fatigue these past few months sleeping about four to five hours a night. It was going to happen soon or later she should have known it.

Plus no one could have woken her since her foster parents were gone for work early.

She should consider programming an alarm. Next time.

Because now she had to confront Mr. Gold and she would have preferred avoiding that.

As she knocked on the door; she inhaled deeply to prepare herself for the upcoming fight.

"Good morning." She said, facing the principal who was sitting at his desk as usual.

"A little bit late for morning eh?"

_Shit._

"You do realize it's almost lunch right? Looks a lot like skipping to me." He barked but something in his facial expression betrayed the anger he was trying to fake. It looked more like teasing than admonishing.

"Sorry, But believe it or not, I _wasn't_ skipping." She defended herself without real conviction, she didn't have her coffee this morning so she didn't have the strength for that.

"Then what on earth were you doing?"

She bit her lower lips. Oh and fuck it.

"Sleeping." She decided to tell the truth even if it was so not credible but she didn't care, she knew herself she wasn't lying.

And what came next was deeply astonishing.

Mr. Gold bursted out laughing. What the hell was wrong with him?

"I knew this day would come." He told her with a grin.

"Sorry what?" Was what she responded with a confused voice.

"Look at yourself Miss Swan. Pale face, dark circles, little red eyes... Night is made for you, students, to sleep. And certainly not to wander in the woods."

How could he know about that? Oh good he was smirking devilishly now. He proved another time that he was a creep, really good at stalking and knowing everything about everyone. She hated him.

"Surprised? I was truly hoping that with time you'll resign yourself to accept the fact that I, have control over everything and everyone. You're no exception."

Oh yes she definitely hated him. She rolled her eyes at his remark and couldn't help but mutter an angry "_Down with Big Brother_", which made him chuckle.

"Miss Swan, I am impressed by your knowledges in literature, it's really pleasing to hear a teenager using such references. Since you know how they are these days..." He sighed to emphasize his exasperation.

"Right. And apparently principals these days are spying on their students, what now you placed a mic and camera on my jacket?" She spat.

"Let's say your lovely foster mother gave me a call recently-"

"She did what?" Emma cut him off, widening her eyes at the news.

"Because she was worried for you, precisely for your health." He continued as calmly as before.

"So that's how I learned about how you spend your nights."

She was about to say something but decided not to do so because she really wanted to get out of here very quick. She should better not start an argument.

"Okay just give me the detention ticket so we can get on with this."

"What makes you think I want to give you detention?"

What was wrong with this man seriously she just couldn't keep calm with him he was so twisted.

"You mean I wasted my time here to just chat with a misanthropist dude?"

"I'm not your buddy, don't talk to me like that." He simply said in response, cool as a cucumber.

"Go now."

She made her way to the door without forgetting to let out a long sigh but right as she was going to step out, Mr. Gold's voice stopped her.

"And Miss Swan." She didn't turn around. "As unbelievable as it can seem, I have to admit that I appreciate you."

She found herself surprisingly smiling at his confession, as she said "Well, I _cannot_ say the same for you."

* * *

She had a small break in the afternoon and she found out that Ruby had one too.

And she was there, listening or more like pretending to listen to her silly stories about crushes and how 'burning hot this guy from the tennis club was'.

"I mean, he was so good-looking you know good-looking as; on the same level as Killian Jones. Or maybe hotter."

The mention of his name made her startle. And she was now remembering the whole event from last night that she managed to forget for a short while.

_Thanks Ruby._

"Uh what yeah sure, sure." She nodded even if she had no idea of what she was talking about.

"You weren't listening were you?" Ruby squinted at her.

"No sorry."

"It's okay. So anything new on your side?"

"Nope. The usual."

"Not even with _Killian Jones_?" She started fluttering her eyelashes and gave her a knowing smile.

"What are you talking about?" She said more nastily than she expected.

"Come on. He waits for you after your lessons, waits at your locker, walks you home, glances... Seriously it's only a matter of time before you guys start watching movies and making out."

_The irony_. Everything was rigged so she would remember the fact that she fucking kissed him or what? Get over it damn it!

"Bullshit." Emma spat aggressively but she couldn't remove the taste of lie she was having on her tongue at the moment.

"I mean I know that I constantly say that he is trouble and all but after all you know him better than I do. So if you enjoy his company-"

"_Tolerate_." She corrected. But it was a lie. Again.

"Tolerate if you want. You know I heard a lot of rumors about the two of you and-"

"Shut up."

And she did so. In a normal situation, Emma would have felt guilty and mumbled some lame apologies. But today she was way too settled and furious because she woke up late, or because Gold annoyed her or because she couldn't help but think about this dickhead of Jones and... She was furious with herself. She kissed him and not the other way around so why couldn't she accept the consequences of her act?

And now she was also angry at Ruby for being so superficial. She had always been but curiously it hadn't bothered her this much; more because she didn't really pay attention to it. But right now, she couldn't stand it. Maybe because she didn't see an evolution in her and that she reached a point where she accumulated too much superficiality to handle.

"Ruby listen. You're going to graduate in a few months, get a job and a family perhaps. So grow up! Do you want to spend the rest of your days daydreaming about guys and seeking gossips? How the hell are you going to succeed if you keep acting this way? This superficiality that creeps in your veins like some poison won't guide you anywhere."

Silence. She went a bit harsh this time. Normally when Ruby made some superficial statements she would simply roll her eyes, sigh and say something sarcastic to let her know that her comment was unwanted.

Oh no the poor girl was crying. She forgot the fact that Ruby was super sensitive.

"Look I'm sorry. I'm having a shitty day and I shouldn't have yelled at you to unwind. But you're starting to know me so you also know that I speak frankly without thinking about whether or not I may hurt people's feelings."

"I do Emma. And you're right I'm so superficial that it becomes pathetic. But it's a part of me and, I thought that a friend would accept me as who I am." She said while wiping a tear with her sleeve.

"Ruby that's a lot of naivety you have there. The world is ugly. Human beings are ugly. All those shits you can hear such as 'I want to be accepted for who I am and not what you want me to be' well yeah it's crap. People never accept you wholly for who you are. When something in you bothers them, they will try to change it because that's how we're made. So maybe we love people for who they are, but mostly we love them for what we want them to be. It's hard for us to accept that people we care about are _flawed_. It's hard for us to accept the fact that there will always be something we don't like about them. In the end the choice is yours. Do you want to be who you are even if it means not being accepted?

But what we don't realize is that the real question is: who is worth changing for?

You have to consider it. Do you want to risk losing someone you care about just because you don't want to change? Yeah I see you coming, a lot of people would say 'if they don't accept you as who you are it means they aren't real friends' or those cliché and inaccurate quotations.

Really? Because to me it's more a way to become a better person, to be the _best version_ of yourself for those you love."

She said it and she was glad that it finally came out. The two girls were now staring at each other in silence when Ruby broke it.

"I admire you Emma. I really admire you. Your strength, your confidence, your 'I don't give two shits' attitude... Yeah I definitely look up to you."

"You shouldn't." Emma responded quickly, embarrassed but mainly because she didn't want her to look up to her.

"You know I'm not always so proud of who I am as I make it seem. Sometimes it's just a barrier. A way to... Protect myself when I find the world too complicated and harsh."

She admitted it. It was something hard for her since it affected her pride. And Ruby understood it because she gave her a reassuring smile and squealed her arm gently.

* * *

**_I wanted to write a Ruby/Emma chapter since forever! xx_**


	18. Chapter 18 - Third Wheel

**_This chapter isn't so good sorry xx_**

* * *

**Chapter 18: Third Wheel**

It was raining cats and dogs outside. So obviously it was a shitty day.

"Not so shitty Emma, I've always thought that pouring rain was a magically romantic thing." Mary-Margaret said with dreamy eyes, holding hands with her boyfriend.

"Yeah sure. Running and singing in the rain, and then one of the two lovers sneezes, and then they kiss. Oh I caught a cold, why not share it with my soulmate?"

"Wow. Someone is in a mood."

"Emma is always grumpy, no matter what." David added with a giggle.

"Can't reach me guys, I'm not taking shits from Snow White and Prince Charming."

"Sorry what?"

"Never mind, some nicknames you know."

They gave her a confused look before letting it go.

Today had been hell boring. You know that kind of day where all your least favorite subjects decided to flock together in order to kill you slowly and you're here looking at the clock every thirty seconds without seeing a difference.

"Wanna go somewhere tonight Snow?" David said, playing Emma's game which only made her roll her eyes.

"Are you asking me out Charming?"

"Maybe."

"Well I'll have to think about it. Thankfully I don't have an evil stepmother to deal with-"

"Okay enough you won, now please stop it I feel like throwing up." Emma groaned before adding: "I hate being the third wheel."

They shared a look that said 'well you kinda are' to tease her even more.

"Seriously? Okay thanks, I'm leaving if you insist." She crossed her arms on her chest playfully while pouting.

"Yeah sure, go find your lover."

"Wait you have a lover?" David exclaimed, widening his eyes and all she managed to do was to say: "Wait I have a lover?" echoing him.

Mary-Margaret rolled her eyes and gave her a knowing smile.

"If I say combat boots, black leather and cigarette?"

Oh. Not again. Why would they all assume that something was going on between them? There was absolutely nothing. They would just hang out from time to time, and then they would share an accidental kiss after watching a movie. And here she was thinking about it again. Great just wonderful.

"He's not my lover." She spat abruptly.

"Who are you girls talking about?" The chestnut haired boy questioned, frowning.

"Killian Jones. Are you sure Emma? Because everyone thinks that you guys are dating."

Dating?

"We're just...!" She stopped dead in her track.

'Friends', that was what she wanted to say but no they weren't even friends. What were they actually? She couldn't tell.

"Well he's just... An acquaintance." She faked a nonchalant tone but she didn't even manage to convince herself, how could she imagine that Mary-Margaret would buy it?

"A pretty close acquaintance" she accused, raising her eyebrows.

"Him again? Emma I told you I don't like you being around this guy-"

"David! It's her life, she's a grown up woman." Mary-Margaret cut her boyfriend off dryly.

"I know but I don't want her to get hurt."

"What makes you think she will get hurt?"

"And what makes you think she won't-"

"And what makes you think - _she is right here._" Emma said sarcastically which prevented the two love birds to keep on with their argument.

"Sorry." They both stated, looking down shamefully but it was also a way to hide their grin.

"You haven't been around Killian much lately, everything is alright?"

Yeah everything was alright, except the fact that she had tried her best to not run into him for the past couple of days because she didn't want to talk or even think about the fact that she kissed him, on his damn lips.

"Speaking of." David muttered as Killian was making his way to them.

And considering the fact that it took longer than usual for her brain to receive the information, it was now too late for her to run away. She inhaled deeply, making herself ready to face him.

"Swan."

Emma was surprised and let's be honest a little bit impressed. How did he do it? Being able to come to her with this same cocky smirk on his face when she had been nothing else but tormented because of their 'shared moment'.

"Jones." She pressed her lips together, feeling really uncomfortable in her body.

"How are you doing?" He asked her casually, raising his left eyebrow.

"Great."

She nodded slowly and looked anywhere else but at him, as she was about to walk away.

"Swan you're avoiding me." He stated with an aggravated tone.

"I'm not avoiding you." She denied but she was trapped since she couldn't leave now. Or she could but then she'd lose all credibility.

"Sure you're not. You know I'm quite perceptive and this, well, it's avoiding me."

"Leave her alone." David intervened as he noticed that Emma was about to explode.

Alert. She had a bad foreboding and she knew exactly why. When David decided to be protective, it could never end well. She remembered that afternoon back to when they were 9 in York. They were two little kids playing with beads. Everything was in place. We could hear their laughs echoing in the yard. But then another kid arrived. He took a bead away from Emma's hand. What next? David pushed him on the ground. They were 9, people, 9 years old. Fighting like boxers. What he didn't expect was the boy calling for backup. So Emma got in to help him. Fortunately he knew how to kick and she knew how to throw a punch. But it didn't change the fact that it wasn't a fair fight, a two against four. They bruised themselves in the process, and she got punished by her foster parents, no playing in the yard for a week.

"I don't take orders from you mate." The Irish accent interrupted her little moment of nostalgia.

"Oh yeah? Well maybe you'll take orders from my fist in your jaw _mate_."

"David!" Mary-Margaret cried.

"Listen. Another time, I don't fight in front of ladies." He said with a wide smirk, which resulted in irritating the boy even more.

"You'd better go now if you don't want to risk having your pretty face messed up."

"I'm flattered, but I'm straight and-"

_Bam_. The captain of the football team pushed him onto the locker violently which let his girlfriend stunned.

"Don't go near Emma or I swear-"

"David enough!" The blonde yelled, staring at him with her eyes wide open.

He let Killian go reluctantly, not without giving him a death glare.

"Thanks beautiful." He said after getting released and winked at her.

She rolled her eyes and at this moment the bell rang.

She headed to her English lesson followed by Mary-Margaret.

* * *

Today's lesson was all about poetry. And it would be lying if Emma pretended to be interested.

"Are you going to tell me what happened or?" Mary-Margaret asked her in a rather loud whisper.

"Sorry what?"

She sighed. "I'm not dupe Emma, you think I didn't notice the tension between Killian and you this morning?"

She felt like her head was going to explode. Why was love the only thing teenagers cared about nowadays? She barely had a break, they were all on her back waiting for some gossips and almost forcing her to say she had a love life even if the truth was that she didn't.

Apparently, romance became the most important thing in the world. Not a day could go by without hearing people talking about love, and crush, and dating...

'I feel butterflies in my stomach' they would say, giggling and blushing.

'He's the best thing that has ever happened to me' what else?

Pathetic, they were pathetic.

They were all holding hands, kissing in the corridors, floating in their little bubble without a care in the word, feeling unstoppable and strong as long as they had the other by their side.

Disgusting.

But maybe she forgot the fact that, she had loved too, _once_.

"I kissed him." She said in a rush.

She didn't really think, she was just trying to find a way to get rid of these flashes of memory that were starting to appear in her mind. 'Just don't think about it, it's in the past now, just forget about _him_' she was telling herself but yet her heartbeats wouldn't calm down and she now felt like it was hard to breathe. _He_ broke her heart. _He_ broke her. _He_-

"What? Who?" Mary-Margaret's voice dragged her out of her torments.

_Him_.

Oh wait no she was talking about the kiss that's right, she had just told her about it.

And she should have thought actually instead of blurting the first thing that came to her mind, in order to drown the ghosts of the past.

"_Killian_. I kissed _Killian_."

It was the only thing she could do, accepting the consequences.

"Oh- But- why?" Mary-Margaret was surprised and confused mostly.

"I don't know I was. Uh it's been a while I was feeling good and. I don't know"

"Does it mean anything?" She inquired with a mischievous smile.

"It was just a kiss!" Emma said on the defensive.

"Well hum okay? But if it doesn't mean anything to you, why are we even talking about it?"

The smile again.

"What? You started it and it's just that- you wouldn't let it go and. You know what? Forget about it."

She was slightly offended and focused on the text Mr. Booth gave them earlier to put an end to their conversation. But apparently her friend wasn't completely done.

"You know Emma." She sighed. "Talking about boys from time to time, flirting... Well all of those stuffs don't make of you a superficial girl."

Emma squinted at her suspiciously giving her that look that said 'really?'.

"And being in love isn't something you should find so negative, believe me, it feels great."

"You think I don't know that?" She snapped which let her interlocutor speechless for a moment.

Of course it feels great at first, extremely great. Until- 'now is not the time to mourn' she stopped herself.

"Emma. You should really consider enjoying life instead of having your guard up constantly. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, just for a second. Because paradoxically, it can be good sometimes."

"Thank you dearest moral compass." She said sarcastically.

"I'm being serious Emma. You just need to stop with the stubbornness and... Well it's your life after all, do whatever you want. But a bit of advice."

She looked at her in the eyes.

"Don't miss an opportunity of being happy. Even if it's for a short period of time just go for it. It's always worth it."

* * *

_**See yaa xx**_


	19. Chapter 19 - Until I met you

_**HIIII. (Sorry I really didn't know what to say.)**_

* * *

**Chapter 19: Until I met you**

She was avoiding him. And he didn't like it.

He knew he shouldn't pressure her like this but it was his pride we were talking about here.

So that would explain why he was there, waiting for her at her locker.

The bell rang. The corridor started getting crowded and noisy. He didn't move.

Oh here she was. Usually she was always so slow and the last one to get out of the classroom.

Which confirmed it; she was definitely avoiding him.

He really thought that since he realized he actually had feelings for her, it would scare him and well it would be kind of tense between the two of them. But not at all, it felt great. He forgot how great it was to _be in love_. Even if it was for sure less pleasant when it was unrequited.

When she saw him leaning against her locker, she froze.

They stared at each other, she looked down first. He noticed that she closed her eyes for half a second, breathed out, and made her way to the locker.

"You really thought you could get rid of me so easily?" Killian snapped with this sarcasm in his voice.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

Denial. She was always in denial. Lying to everyone, even herself._ Almost like her life was a lie itself_, he thought.

"Don't try to fool me Swan. The dry talking, the 'rushing out of the room so I have a chance to escape'"

"Not everything is about you, Jones." She emphasized his name, the acerbity was pretty obvious at this state.

She knew him well, so she also knew that attacking his pride was the best way to anger him. And she was completely right since he was now clenching his fists unconsciously.

"Again, don't try to fool me." He said calmly.

Because he knew her well too. And he knew that not playing her game was one of those things that she couldn't bear. Looking peaceful when her goal was to unnerve him, well that was a nice strategy.

"Can you get out of here so I can actually pick out my books?" She spat.

He did so, not taking his eyes off of her and when she was done, they started walking to the main doors.

They were now outside the building and they weren't speaking. Walking in silence was not something usual for them, in normal terms they would be debating about anything and complaining about life. But today... Well, _she was avoiding him_.

"Can we turn to the right at the end of the road? I have to work with my brother." He asked rhetorically because clearly he wasn't asking for her opinion.

Emma seemed to be considering it but nodded anyway.

"What now? Cat got your tongue?" He said more nastily than he wanted but come on, he was tired of talking to a wall.

"Cut the crap." She muttered loud enough for him to hear.

"If I'm bothering you, just tell me so I can save my breath."

"Fine you're bothering me."

He felt like he had just received a heat stroke. And his heartbeats were now faster than they should be. There, he was angry.

"I'm sorry if someone is in _such a great mood_ today." He blurted, and as hard as he tried to hide it, he knew it was obvious that he looked offended at the moment.

"You're right I'm not in a great mood." She whispered, and it sounded almost like an apologize. It was definitely a lie, but Emma Swan didn't apologize very often so just for that, he calmed down a little.

"Okay. But it doesn't mean you have to vent your nerves on me."

She didn't reply. They kept walking. The silence again. Unbearable. He waited for her to say something.

She didn't.

He was so sick of trying to make her talk so if she wasn't going to say a word, he knew he would explode soon.

1, 2, 3...

"Emma you're avoiding me and don't try to tell me you're not!" He shouted which made her jump.

She opened her mouth, ready to deny this fact but decided to keep it shut.

"So why? What did I do wrong is it because of what happened the other day at my place?"

He was now breathing heavily, and he didn't notice but he had grabbed her arm and was pressing it a little bit too harshly.

He released it and her left hand came rubbing it to attenuate the pain.

"What no it's-"

"Is it because of the kiss? Let me remind you that _you're_ the one who kissed me; so I don't see the point here!"

"No! It... _It was just a kiss_." She said with a small wince, before shrugging.

Time for the silence.

_ It was just a kiss, it was just a kiss, it was just a kiss_.

Her words were echoing in his mind, sounding harsher each time. So it didn't mean anything to her. She said it was just a kiss, a miserable little kiss. It hurt way more than he expected.

"How's that even worth talking about?" She added, as if what she said previously wasn't cruel enough.

His heart was beating so fast that he could almost hear it. Because of the anger or the frustration? He didn't know but he couldn't think properly it was like his brain was about to explode.

_He loved her_. He was sure of it.

He didn't know _when_, nor _how_ it happened but he bloody fell in love with Emma Swan. This tough girl who was in fact incredibly damaged on the inside.

_Damn_, he loved her so hard.

He couldn't hold back anymore, he didn't want to. He _had_ to say it out loud.

And the words slipped out of his mouth before he could manage to think about the consequences.

"It's what the kiss exposed."

She was looking at him with this fear in her eyes, almost pleading him to shut up but no he won't.

"I never thought I'd be capable of letting go off my first love, my Milah. To believe that I could find someone else. That is _until I met you_."

He felt lighter now. Like he got rid of a burden. He was relieved. But we couldn't say the same thing about Emma.

She looked angry, touched, scared, incredulous... A real roller coaster of emotions.

She didn't respond anything. And maybe it was the best thing she could do.

* * *

No. It couldn't be true. _He loved her_. He said it himself. 'Until I met you'.

She was confused and didn't know what to think about it.

Those words were both intensely beautiful and painful to hear.

He had just entered the 'Jolly Roger' and she was now alone, walking to her place, more like dragging her feet and supporting her own body that seemed heavier than ever.

When she got in, she was still in this awful daze and it confirmed what she thought; she definitely hated this feeling.

But when she stepped in the house, the whole place was actually shaking because of Blue's screams. She was apparently fighting with her husband Isaac since he was now shouting too. They were in the kitchen and didn't seem to notice that Emma was back and she didn't mean to do some eavesdropping but she couldn't tell why, she stayed there in the entrance.

"Why would you want to get rid of her?" Blue said quite loudly.

Hold on. _What was going on here?_

"Calm down! It's just that we're welcoming two new children really soon now that we proved ourselves with Emma-"

"What now? She was just a test to you? To see if we were able to take care of a minor right?"

"Well saying this way it sounds less glorious but yes, kind of"

The teenager couldn't make a move, it was like her entire body was frozen. Her lower lip started trembling uncontrollably and her heart was beating so hard in her chest that it almost hurt.

"You're an awful person you know that?"

"Come on Blue! You know I've never liked her anyway."

True. Emma knew that too but to be fair; she couldn't care less.

"And my point is that she's trying to be daring and tough; and we're letting her live her life and do what the fuck she wants all the time to not offend her. I don't want the new ones to believe that we have no authority."

_Little scumbag._

"Do you hear yourself talking? You're a horrible human being Isaac!"

"And do you hear yourself? Stop trying to be a fairy godmother, we're not in a damn fairy tale!"

Enough. Emma rushed into the stairs, making as much noise as she could.

"What was that?"

"Emma? Damn you Isaac"

She knew that Blue was coming to her now, and she didn't want to deal with her right now, she had her dose of problems for the day.

"Emma, I'm sorry-"

"You don't have to." She spat.

"Please don't blame him, he's really stressed out these days and-"

"I don't." She paused to look at her in the eyes and she noticed the glimmer of hope.

_Nice._

"I blame you." She wanted to hurt her, really badly and it seemed like she succeeded, as Blue's features started crumbling into pieces.

"And you know why?" She continued with a wicked grin.

"Because what he said is true. You're not a damn fairy godmother, deal with it. At first I thought you chose to ignore the complains about me because you were really naive and stupid. But in fact, it's because you wanted to be a sort of... Hero. You wanted to do the right thing; to save this little trouble-maker orphan that I am, not because you couldn't believe I was that bad, but exactly because _I am_ that bad. Because you're so perfect." She emphasized the last word with bitterness.

"Emma I-"

"I know I know. You care for me. But not for the person I am. You care for me because of what I represent."

"I was just- a lost little girl who didn't matter, and didn't think she ever would. A little girl, who cried herself to sleep at night cause... She wanted her parents so bad. And could never understand... Why they gave her up."

Blue was crying. And she didn't realize that she was crying too until she felt a heavy tear falling on her cheek, that she didn't even bother wiping away.

"And because you're so idealistic and so perfect, you thought 'why not taking her as a first experience in foster-mothering!'

I don't want to be a puppet in your vision of your so perfect world you want to live in. I want to be accepted for me, not fully I'm not asking you to like my flaws. But I don't want you to like me for what I symbolize or whatever allegory you picture me as."

Her voice was breaking because of the tears and the anger, and believe me, it's a really intense mix. She inhaled deeply before saying with strength:

"I don't need saving. The only one who saves me, is _me_."

* * *

**_I'm currently writing the last chapter of this fanfic, the 22nd. And I think I want to do an Epilogue too so._**


	20. Chapter 20 - Almost

**_Missing OUAT so much. 3 months to go._**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Almost**

A lost girl. That was what she truly was after all.

Blue had left the room saddened and offended; because she knew that what she said was true. And the truth is unpleasant, so human beings prefer living in a bunch of comforting lies.

Emma was mad at herself. She was mad because she almost opened up to her. She almost thought she could count on her. She almost believed that she was wanted.

And the unpleasant truth here was that, she had been unwanted her whole life.

Basically.

* * *

Age of three. She had been adopted and she felt like the happiest girl alive. She had a family.

_Almost. _

Because it didn't last long. They soon had their own child and what came next happened so quickly that she only had blurry visions of the scene in flashes. Some shouts. Arguments. The next day she was back into the foster system. Being a three year old girl didn't mean she couldn't feel pain, and they seemed to forget about that when they sent her away. She had cried at the top of her lungs which owed her some slaps to make her shut.

Age of nine. She was in York in a loving foster family. She met her soon to become best friend there, David Nolan. She liked the house back then, and the small little yard she used to play in. And those giant trees, or the neighbor's cat. She was _almost_ enjoying life.

_Almost. _

Because life is a hoe; and she was full of hope. She thought they would adopt her, how stupid she was. You hope for things, you get disappointed. Indeed she was sent away a few months later. She learned to never hope so hard again.

She would stay one to four months in the same place, being bounced around from one family to another by the system. It was hard to be the new girl, either in a new family or in a new school. She soon realized that to survive, she had to force herself on those little children. _'Mess with me and I'll mess you up';_ they quickly learned to stand out of her way which was all she wanted.

Or _almost;_ if we forget the fact that in the end, she was alone. And she had always been.

Those years had been determining in the establishment of her today personality. She was a lone wolf, trying to convince herself that she didn't need a pack.

But the thing is that, it's hard to feel _alive_ when you're _alone_.

And then she met Ingrid. Ingrid who was supposed to take care of her for three months. Ingrid who became the mother she never had and always wanted. Ingrid who believed in her. Ingrid who made her trust her. Ingrid who said she was signing the papers to adopt her.

And Ingrid who was in fact; nuts. Literally. She was convinced that Emma had some superpowers. And of course the little girl didn't believe in magic. _Who does?_ But to prove her point, she threw her in front of a car, expecting her to have a sort of magic reaction to it. A car that _almost_ hit her.

_Almost_, because hopefully she had good reflexes and managed to avoid the impact.

She ran as fast as she could, she just wanted to get away from this crazy woman. She went to the cops and she had no idea what happened to Ingrid after that.

Age of 14. She tried to stick to the right path; she tried really. But it didn't guide her anywhere. She was there, praying so hard that her hands were aching, wishing upon her lucky star.

Nothing.

So she stopped believing.

Praying for things to happen is you being lazy. It's you counting on God rather than yourself, it's you making no effort to get what you want. Enough with the waiting for a miracle to happen. She'd make the miracle happen herself.

And the next day, she was gone. _'Good bye foster system. I've never liked you anyway.'_

Sprinting like a little gazelle. Flying.

No dear, not running away. _Breaking free_.

She felt so light, in a little bubble. Alone, finding her way through the darkness of the night; she felt like she belonged somewhere.

But the next morning when the sun went up and that people began invading the street, the magical atmosphere simply disappeared.

And now she was afraid. Afraid because she didn't think about the consequences. What now? She was going to live in the street like some beggar? No money, no food.

No one out there to protect her from the danger of the world.

She didn't have a choice now. Or did she? It was either _that_ or returning to the system.

So she did it, she started stealing. She realized that she wasn't so bad at it so she did it again. And again and again. A thief she was.

And one day she saw it. This isolated yellow bug hiding in a dark spot.

The perfect opportunity. What could she do with that? She didn't know, but at least she had somewhere to sleep. She barely knew how to drive, one of her foster dad showed her once but nothing more. But when she saw the little bug, she didn't think. She only had one thing in mind: _I go and get in_. Even if it's for a second, it's just bloody cold outside.

She managed to open the car door quite easily, which was surprising.

She shouted. Someone was in there and smiling at her goofily.

A _'Holy fuck'_ escaped from her mouth, and the boy still had this annoying grin on his face.

He told her to get in. She didn't move. He repeated the same thing. Their eyes met.

And she understood.

He had this despair in his eyes, the one that said he was just like her.

Lost, alone, _hurt_.

She got in.

They spent the day together and she learned a lot more about him. _'I stole a stolen car'_ soon became their favorite inside joke.

His name was Neal, he was 16.

Orphan. A runaway too.

And you know what came next. Discovery of this feeling; _first love_.

Most of the time people would say that teenage loves don't matter; don't mean anything 'you're too young to fall in love' you hear everywhere. But what is purer than this kind of love? Being in love requires a certain naivety believe it or not. You have to be dumb enough to blindly trust the other. That's what true love is. So my friends, the only true love here is the one you have when you're a child. At this period of your life you don't need to fake your belief and innocence, you already have it in you. And _love is innocence_.

So no, she wasn't too young to fall in love.

Because it was pretty obvious and predictable, _it made sense_. The lost girl and the lost boy.

Nothing could feel more right. Even if what they did daily was wrong.

Indeed, they became partners in crime, using their angelic faces to steal most of the time; or they would also scheme one heck of a master plan if needed.

They were surviving. And loving each other.

One day they discovered this place with these big houses.

Those were renting houses actually, the ones you rent for summer only.

So they decided to sleep in there for awhile. Their home they would call it.

And he told her this thing she would never forget: "That's how you know you've really got a home. When you leave, there's this feeling you can't shake. You just _miss it_."

Bullshit.

Because the next morning she woke up. The house was empty. His things were gone. She understood.

She heard the Police alarm. They got her, gave her a warning given the fact she was only fourteen.

They sent her back to the system. He left her. And she wasn't sure that he missed her.

_Almost._

She _almost_ had a home. Too much, it was too much. She knew she couldn't take another deception. She was wrong the whole time thinking life was about a quest for happiness. The truth was: life is about making it out alive.

Enough trying to be happy, the only thing she had to do was avoid getting hurt. Trust no one, don't care about anyone else but yourself, don't let anyone in. That's how you're going to survive.

(***)

Only there was one thing she didn't know. She didn't know that Neal truly loved her. And that was the reason he left her.

That day; Emma mentioned the future. And it scared him. He thought the whole night.

He realized that she was young, clever and definitely _good_. She had nothing to do with a ruffian such as himself. He couldn't do that to her; she had life ahead and shouldn't waste it.

He was making her a bad person, he was a bad influence to her.

They weren't going to live like this for the rest of their days; in the kind Bonnie and Clyde. This wasn't living.

He knew that in 10 years, if they were still together (which was something he wanted since they were in love), they would start talking about children. And he could never give her that, they didn't have a job and what made them think they won't get caught by the cops one day?

It was too late for him, but not for her; she could fall back into the right path. Go to school, eat non-stolen food and have a family. A real one.

He knew that she wouldn't have listened to him if he had told her all of this. she was hell stubborn.

So he didn't say a word to her. Let her believe he abandoned her like a dirty sock. He preferred having her hating him her whole life than mourning the fact that she couldn't have convinced him to stick by her side.

He left in the middle of the night. Called the police so they would put Emma back in the system.

And the moment he put his feet outside the house and felt the wind blowing on his face, he knew he was already missing her. _Missing her like home_.

* * *

Oh there she was, crying. The tears wouldn't stop rolling down her cheeks and she was battling to stop them but she just couldn't.

She tried to cry in silence so her foster parents won't hear her but it was just too much and she started sobbing uncontrollably, trying to choke the noise by crushing her face in her pillow. Her stomach was aching, her head was burning.

Those memories she struggled to forget, to burry so deep inside, they just showed up all at once and it damn _hurt_.

Without knowing why, her hand made her way to her neck, and reached this necklace she wore every single day since _he_ gave it to her.

It was during their first 'robbing session' and he stole a swan keychain as a hint to her name.

If at first it symbolized love, hope and joy, she now wore it as a reminder to _never trust someone again_.

She tried, really. She kept telling herself that she was meant to be alone. And she should have got used to it with time. But she didn't.

The universe didn't have time for her.

She was a burden.

_Unwanted._

But...

A few hours ago, _someone_ proved her wrong. _Someone_, told her they cared for her. _Someone_ let her know that they wanted her.

_He_ did that; _Killian Jones_.

And somehow, it made her feel great. Too great.

Now it scared her more than anything. Because for a moment, she _almost_ brought her walls down, she _almost_ trusted him.

_Almost_.

Then what? He said he loved her, but perhaps he wasn't even sincere.

_Don't be a fool._

Of course he was. She knew he meant it, she saw it in his eyes. And she crossed her fingers so hard to detect a lie in it but no, he wasn't lying.

Okay, let's say he _did_ love her. But for how long? Love isn't infinite.

And then she would get hurt. And she didn't want that.

This town, these people... She tried to deny it but the truth was that, all of this was_ toxic_.

She made friends.

She appreciated her foster family, a little bit. _At least before today_.

She liked it at school.

She enjoyed spending time with Killian Jones-

Storybrooke was bad for her. It was weakening her walls.

Enough.

She made her decision.

Tomorrow, she'd go talk to Gold.

* * *

_**I MET JEN, COLIN, LANA, VICTORIA, MEGHAN AND THE FROZEN CAST. They're all adorable! I feel so lucky. But wow I've been writing this story for 6 months now and I'm about to write the Epilogue it's crazy! So I might post chapter 21 in two days I don't know. Thanks to those who actually read my fanfic xx**_


	21. Chapter 21 - East of Eden

**_I'm back._**

* * *

**Chapter 21: East of Eden**

Killian had skipped the first lesson of the day. He didn't feel like getting out of his bed that morning. So as soon as he stepped in the school, he made his way to Gold's office, knowing that this one was waiting for him.

But apparently he wasn't.

He was casually sitting on this chair, waiting for the principal to be done with the person inside. They were talking loudly and the door was half-open so even if he didn't mean to overhear the conversation, he did.

_"I'm not so sure to understand"_

_"_What_ the hell don't you understand"_

Hold on he knew this voice.

_"_Miss_ Swan I suggest you to take a seat first"_

Oh right Emma was in the office. And she was definitely not in a good mood. The usual.

And now that he knew it was her, he couldn't help but listen. Bad guy.

_"__Look_,_ they're going to send me away very soon so prepare the papers and that's all."_

He wasn't sure to understand either now. His palms were becoming sweaty and he could feel his increasing heartbeats bumping loudly against his chest.

_"_Miss_ Swan I asked you to-"_

_"_I_ don't have time for this don't you get it?" _Her voice was quivering, and it felt like she was choking on her own saliva.

_"_Okay_ you need to calm down and-"_

_"_They_ must hate me now! I'm not staying in this town-"_

"What?"

He couldn't bear it any longer, he _had_ to say something and understand what was going on. So he was now in the room, breathing heavily as Emma and Gold turned their head towards him.

"And that is why students should learn how to close a door properly" the principal said in a sigh.

"Killian now is not the time I-"

"You what? Want to leave, I think I heard it right."

She looked at him in the eyes, looked down... and get out of the office.

But he wasn't done with her, so he followed her in the corridor.

"What is happening here? They're sending you away?" He said, grabbing her arm to stop her.

"I don't wanna talk about it." Was what she responded with this bitterness in her voice.

"Oh I see. Are you sure they're the ones wanting you to leave?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"What I think is that you're the one here who wanna leave so badly. So, where? Going to _East of Eden_ maybe?" He spat as she went rigid. She opened her mouth, ready to shoot something back but closed it before walking away.

But he was Killian Jones and wasn't letting it go.

"I didn't know you were so weak; hiding yourself like a scared little girl when a problem appears."

"Leave me alone Jones."

"Can't you just live instead of always running?" He said, ignoring her.

"LEAVE ME ALONE." She shouted, her voice echoing in the empty corridor.

He blenched slightly before sighing and letting her go. He knew he couldn't have a serious talk with her when she was being so grumpy.

His next lesson appeared to be the psychology one, in which he also appeared to be sitting right next to Emma.

And if at first he planned to harass her in the need to obtain answers, he changed his mind and kept quiet the whole hour.

Sometimes he would glance at her briefly, he knew that she could feel his eyes on her so that was why she was staring straight ahead.

The bell rang.

He packed up quickly, put his bag on his shoulder and, as he passed Emma by, he threw something on her desk: a DVD.

He didn't respond to her inquiring look and head to the door.

And now he had to go find _someone_.

* * *

"I've heard you were looking for me?" David said annoyed, still sweating from the training he'd just had.

They were on the bleachers of the field, the sun was about to go down, giving them this magnificent view called dusk.

"Aye."

"And why is so?"

He breathed out heavily, he didn't know exactly where to start. Yet, he still managed to look confident because, well he was Killian Jones.

"We've got a problem mate." He simply said, scratching his neck.

The captain of the football team seemed surprised at first, but it soon turned into something that looked like disdain.

"And how come _we_'ve got a problem _mate_?"

"Swan. Emma."

The chestnut-haired boy's eyes darkened, and he saw how his fists clenched.

He really cared for her. Good then, he might be able to help him.

"What did you do to her?" David barked at him.

'_Kissed her_', he wanted to respond with a cocky smirk, but now was not the time to be cheeky.

"Alas I'm afraid it isn't about me this time. There's something going on with the foster family" he explained.

"You mean they want to send her away?" His interlocutor asked; having this fear in his eyes.

"I don't bloody know, but I'm pretty sure that she's planning to leave."

He noticed how David was breaking at the news. Of course he was, he had known her since there were 9, he saw how hard her life was, and how the system could be totally fucked up.

"What is she to you?"

This caught him out of guard.

"Why do you care?"

"I know your reputation."

Was he seriously doing this now?

"Emma is not some conquest. I wouldn't go seek help from her unbearable friend for someone I see as a loot."

They stared at each other, and he felt like the boy was scrutinizing him deeply. Really deeply, it made him feel uncomfortable.

"You care for her." David blurted after a little while.

"That I do."

"Do you love her?"

He clenched his jaw and his pulse became faster.

_Well, no need to hide._

Still looking at him straight in the eyes, he murmured a 'Yes', almost inaudible.

David nodded briefly in response to it.

"Where can I find her?"

* * *

Emma was looking at the horizon, she found it calming.

She had gotten really mad this morning. She didn't even feel sorry about it. What? Didn't they get it? She was tired. Tired of all of this. All those craps that kept coming and falling on her making her feel like a burden. And now, well now she knew what was going to happen. She would be sent away, end up in a new foster home, be all out of control and rebellious, they would get rid of her immediately, she'd be sent away again. And so on.

Things will stay the same. She was meant to live a fucked up life, and as hard as she tried, no matter what she did, she couldn't change that. Why even bother? She wasn't in a bloody fairy tale, she was stuck in this ugly world that was called reality.

"Killian told me I'd find you here."

She turned around.

"Hi David."

"Hi Emma."

He sat next to her, waiting in silence for her to start the conversation.

"Why did he send you here?"

"He didn't think you'd listen to him."

"He's right."

"Emma I-"

"No just. No."

Silence again. She didn't feel like talking or arguing or anything, she just came here to relax and to calm her nerves.

"Emma." He said firmly. And it was so unusual to hear David using this tone so she looked up to face his gaze.

"Why?"

She was about to answer but apparently it wasn't a question since he continued.

"Why doing this? Why? I just- feel like I don't know you anymore you're so distant and it's making me sick."

"Why do you want to leave? You've touched everyone's life in here. Everyone cares for you."

"You're exaggerating." She murmured, more to convince herself than him.

"You brought light into our lives you made us happier than before."

"You're wrong."

"You managed to make Mary-Margaret an extrovert. You brought us together and now we're in love and happy. Elsa adores you and said she couldn't imagine her life without you in it. Ruby admires you and sees you as a role model. Killian loves you-"

"You're _lying_." She spat. She wished he was lying, really.

"No I'm not, why can't you just believe it-"

"Why is it so important to you that I do?"

"Because I, the town... Everyone _needs_ you." David told her, staring at her straight in the eyes.

"I don't want them to need me." Her voice was shaky, she knew the tears were coming. And she didn't want to, she didn't want to cry. Because tough girls don't cry.

"Well that's too bad because, we all do."

She didn't like hearing those words. It made her feel like she had the weight of the world on her shoulders. And she hated this feeling. It was driving her crazy; she couldn't hold back anymore.

"Are you saying that I'm responsible for everyone's happiness? That is crap! I didn't ask for that, I don't want it." She yelled with anger.

Her heart was beating really fast, her head was aching, her hands were shaking.

"Emma, we're all counting on you and-"

"Then you're all _screwed_."

She looked away this time.

But the boy wasn't giving up on her.

"You're in pain, you have these walls always up and I don't know why! And not knowing the reason of your what seems like eternal gloom is driving me crazy." He was speaking louder than before, and she could feel the emotion in his voice.

"Something broke you. Something, _someone_ broke you and I don't know what it is and I don't want you to ever get hurt but you did. I've always wanted to protect you, but I'm so furious because I wasn't there for you when you needed me-"

"David no it's not your fault" she managed to say, struggling against her tears.

"But it's true I wasn't there, and now that I am... It's just too late. The damage is done. I'm sorry Emma."

"No don't feel sorry I-"

"I'm just a stranger to you now and I feel so guilty. I wish I could have done something and- I would give anything to see that smile on your face again, that genuine smile of happiness you had years ago." His eyes started getting watery but he managed to hold the tears back because damn, he was a man.

"David this isn't your fault. Believe me I'm not the kind to lie. It's just- those walls you're talking about I... That's how I managed to survive." She was really bad at making confessions, her lower lip was quivering; she was getting really emotional and she didn't like it.

Her friend looked at her in the eyes, it was more like he was staring into her soul, as he told her with strength: "Survival isn't enough. You have to live."

That was it. She bursted out into tears. She couldn't stop it, the tears were flowing on her cheeks like some waterfall. It's just that she was suffering, dying on the inside little by little. She refused to admit it but, she wasn't as strong as she thought. She was human, she could get hurt.

As she tried to control herself, it just resulted in her sobbing even more.

And if David seemed surprised at first, it was a matter of time before he put his arms around her protectively. She closed her eyes at the contact and let herself being calmed by his embrace. She hated being vulnerable, usually. But in that moment, it all felt _right_.

* * *

Emma was still there on the bench, alone this time. David left about an hour ago, it had been difficult to convince him that he could leave and that she was perfectly fine, but she succeeded. Perhaps the fact that he was actually really understanding helped in that accomplishment, he probably knew that she wanted to be alone and well, the perfect guy that he is, he respected her choice. What an awesome friend she had, she knew she was lucky.

She was there, breathing in and out. She watched the floor lamps lighting up as the sky was getting dark. 'For once they thought of us' she told herself, since it was really rare to have light at the dock.

She decided to listen to some music, so she started searching through her bag to get her phone but instead, her eyes focused on this thing. This rectangular thing that someone put, no _threw_ on her table in psychology lesson.

She took it out of the bag.

It was the film '_East of Eden_' with James Dean, the adaptation of her favorite book.

'I might watch it tonight' she thought. She opened the rectangular box and was surprised when she saw not only the DVD in it, but also a note.

She immediately recognized Killian's handwriting.

"Not all those who wander are lost eh?" This Irish accent echoed in the dock, which made her blench.

_Speaking of,_ she muttered to herself.

* * *

**_One chapter left before the end of the story !_**


	22. Chapter 22 - Timshel

**_Hey I wasn't even that late this time :( but anyway. Here's the chapter. Enjoy!_**

* * *

**Chapter 22: Timshel**

Killian was in the 'Jolly Roger', preparing the place for tonight.

"Can you take care of the table 9 lil' bro?" Said Liam from the bar.

"Anytime."

He made his way to the table, having three glasses of wine in his hands. _She wanted to leave. She was running, again. Did she really think it was the easy way-_

He heard the noise of something breaking, which only resulted in him jolting.

Indeed, the glasses had just slipped out of his hands and they were now shattered into pieces on the floor.

"Good job" Liam blurted, rolling his eyes.

"Sorry I-"

"Hey what's going on with you? You're being so woozy today. Come back to earth" he teased gently.

Killian only chuckled at this and went back to the bar to get some new glasses and a sweep.

He couldn't help but think about a certain blonde in a leather jacket. He admitted his feelings for her. And then they fought. And now she was planning to leave. He sent the Nolan guy, hoping it would be enough to make her change her mind but, the stubborn girl she was it would be difficult. He really, really wanted to go see her but he decided not to because, well she was mad at him. And why was she? For the simple reason that he made the mistake of _falling in love with her._ It wasn't like he did it on purpose. Seriously with all the girls in the world he had to pick the most prickly and _damaged_ one. Damn lass-

"Killian, I asked you something." His brother's -annoyed- voice interrupted his train of thoughts. _Again_.

"What- sorry I wasn't listening"

"Yeah I kind of noticed" he responded sarcastically. "I just wanted to know if your revisions were going well."

"Yeah." Was all he could mumble, absent-minded because _he couldn't get her out of his head._

"Hum. And everything's going well with your girlfriend I assume"

Girlfriend?

Oh. He rolled his eyes. Three times, and then he let out a long sigh.

"Swan's _not_ my girlfriend."

_But you wish she was._

"Really? Then stop talking about her all the time" Liam responded with a cheeky smile, apparently trying to unnerve him.

"Come on. I don't talk about her _all the time_"

His brother looked at him suspiciously before taking a high pitched voice to say: "Swan told me this, and she did this, and had this clothes today, and is damn bitchy, but she's pretty too, yet she's stubborn as fuck, and annoying, and oh-"

"Okay okay okay. Will you stop now?" Killian cut him off. "Plus I don't talk like that. My voice's lower than yours anyway."

"You love her."

Was that so obvious? _Holy shit_ his case was hopeless. Since when did he become a love-sick puppy?

He bit his lips, inhaled deeply before breathing out with his eyes closed:

"But she doesn't."

"I knew it!" Liam shouted in victory, and as Killian gave him a death glare, he quickly added: "I mean I knew it that you loved Swan, not that- anyway. You love her. Like love _love_."

"Yeah." He rolled his eyes for the billionth time.

"Remind me to thank Swan later?"

He frowned. What was he up to?

"Don't look at me this way lil' bro. It's just that, ever since you met her, you look different."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"_Alive_."

Killian looked up to face him, confused and surprised, not knowing what to say.

But mostly, he was touched. It was true that, since the death of their mother, he was more dead than alive. And then he met Milah. And she made him feel again. But then she died too. And since that day, he managed to never let his guard down. He was surrounded by a wall of guilt and pain; strongly believing that he _killed_ her. Nothing could reach him, he had this iron heart to survive. _He was a survivor._

But a girl, as desperate, hurt, damaged and guarded as him had to appear.

Emma Swan.

Emma Swan who, was and still is a mystery to him.

Emma Swan who, hid her vulnerability behind some tough girl appearance.

Emma Swan who, annoyed him more than once.

Emma Swan who, yelled at him twice a day.

Emma Swan who, made him fall in love with her.

"So Killian. I don't know what exactly happened between you two; but if you don't go fix it yourself, I'd make sure to go kick your ass as hard as I can."

He forced a wry laugh. Of course he'd love to 'go fix it' as his brother said. But he knew she didn't want to see him-

And so?

_Okay she doesn't want to see you, but she's about to make a terrible mistake. And you are not here for her._

Was he out of his mind? Just because she was running away from him meant he couldn't keep chasing her? The Killian Jones he knew would have gone talk to her anyway, yell at her and argue with her if it meant getting what he wanted.

"_'A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets'_ is your motto dude, so what now?" Liam quoted him, funnily coinciding with his inner thoughts.

His brother was right, he _had_ to do something.

"Don't mind if I take a day-off?"

In only answer, Liam raised his eyebrows and smirked mischievously.

He smiled back and took off his apron. As he was about to leave, he turned around one last time.

"By the way, brother. Her name is _Emma_. Swan's just the family name."

_And now, it's just you and me, Swan._

* * *

He knew she was at the dock but didn't go there immediately, he wanted to give her the opportunity to have a talk with David. So he was there, wandering in the street, thinking.

Thinking about what had happened these past few months.

Ever since she appeared in this town, things started changing. It was like this quiet ghost town was waking up slowly.

Emma Swan was like a hurricane, blowing away everything in her path.

Making things move. Changing the way people think, _live_.

The glimmer of hope everyone was waiting for.

He didn't believe in destiny and all the crap. But the fact that a cold and cynical girl managed to somehow thaw people's heart, to help others when she was the most helpless of them all; well that was a funny coincidence.

She was the perfect anti-hero.

And the fact that she _fixed_ him whereas she was as _damaged_ -if not more- as him.

And this; was driving him crazy.

He tried to gain her trust, he tried to fix her too. But her walls were way tougher than he could ever imagine. She was lost, and he wanted to save her, he wished he could catch her and prevent her from falling. _And it was now or never._

A little hour to wait before having _the talk_.

* * *

...

* * *

"Not all those who wander are lost eh?" He quoted Tolkien, more like _quoted her quoting Tolkien._

Emma closed her eyes as she heard this so familiar voice. Of course he would come to her, he was not the kind to give up.

"You remember." She mumbled, faking an indifferent tone.

"That I do. It was during our first encounter at the dock. Seems like years ago."

He got closer and sat right next to her, looking at her intensely.

"Oh you were reading my note? No need, now that I'm here to say it out loud to you-"

"Killian. Please-"

_"Remember, life is short. Break the rules, they were made to be broken."_ He stopped and kept staring at her which only made her roll her eyes.

_"Forgive quickly, kiss slowly..." _This time he was smirking cockily and she knew where he was heading.

"No comment." She warned him, raising her eyebrows.

_"Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that makes you smile. The clouds are lined with silver and the glass is half full, though the answers won't be found at the bottom. Don't sweat the small stuff, you are who you are meant to be. Dance as if no one's watching, love as if it's all you know.-"_

_"Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today. - James Dean" _She finished, starting to get lost in his blue forget-me-not eyes even if she was strongly trying not to.

They stayed like this for a while, as if it was just the two of them- well it kinda was-. She had already heard this quote and she used to tell herself that she was going to live this way but-

"Bullshit." She spat, looking away and putting an end to their staring session. It seemed like her words surprised him since he was now frowning.

"I mean this quote is so cheesy and inaccurate."

"Well, what I think is that you _wished_ it was cheesy and inaccurate because you are unable to do any of this." Killian responded calmly.

"Ha Jones. Wait- are you challenging me?" She widened her eyes as she realized what he was doing there.

"Come on _Princess_, prove me wrong" he said while standing up and pulling her arm to make her stand too.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"We're going to _dance as if no one's watching._"

This time it was her mouth that was wide open.

"Are you kidding me? I don't... Can't dance and-"

"There's only one rule; _pick a partner who knows what he's doing_."

Without understanding a thing, she was now in his arms, as he positioned them in a way that told her he was thinking about a waltz. She sighed loudly but let him guide her anyway. She didn't feel like fighting, he wanted a dance? Well there you go.

They were moving slowly in silence, but strangely it didn't feel awkward at all. It felt _nice_.

"Well your highness, you appear to be natural" he whispered in her ear before making her spin, and a small shout escaped from her mouth because of the surprise but it was soon followed by a giggle.

Okay. She couldn't deny it she was having a great time. So great that she could almost forget about all the shits going on like Blue and Isaac, or the fact that she was letting her guard down around Killian-

She stiffened. And her guess was that he noticed her frustration since he stopped dancing.

"Everything's alright?" He inquired, clenching his jaw.

"Why are you here?" Was all she could say, having this bitterness in her voice as she pulled away from him. Little did she know they weren't supposed to be on good terms.

He breathed out and closed his eyes for half a second. The fun was over apparently. What was about to come next won't be pleasing.

"You're about to make a terrible mistake."

Obviously it was the matter here.

"Killian that is none of your business-"

"Of course it is! I'm in love with you so I have a pretty valuable reason to stick my nose in."

_I'm in love with you._ Why did those words make her heart beat so fast? And why was it so easy for him to say it?

"You're not in love with me." She blurted, yes she didn't find anything better to say.

"Because now you get to decide if I love you or not?"

"Exactly."

"Emma." He whispered, almost like he was begging.

"If- if I'm able to let my guard down, why can't you?"

_Please shut up please shut up please shut up._ He didn't have to do this, she didn't want him to do this.

"Maybe it's time for you to stop running. Stop running away from everyone, from your own feelings! -You've got to trust me at some point."

She was on the verge, he was pushing it too far. And given the fact that these past few days had been heck intense, she exploded.

"That's what you think this is about, that I don't trust you?" She shouted.

"Is that not what it's about?"

"Of course I trust you!" Finally she said it. It wasn't that hard was it?

"Then why do you keep pulling away from me?"

"Don't you see? There! That's the problem! I don't want to trust you, but yet I do!"

Silence. His facial expression softened as he seemed to understand. They both took the time to breathe in and out so they could calm down.

"It's just that, all my life I- I've been left alone and-"

"Hey. I don't intend to let you down."

The sincerity in his voice hit her. And she couldn't help but smile weakly at this.

"Look Killian. I- everything I do feels wrong. My life is wrong. I always fuck things up it's in my nature. You are who you are meant to be uh? Well that's how I was meant to be. A... Failure. I can't do anything about it." Her voice was shaking, she just wanted to leave and shout, cry at the top of her lungs.

"You're not a failure Swan." He said dryly and grabbed her chin to make her look up.

"You are many things, but surely not a failure. And we aren't in a bloody tragedy, there's no destiny, no fate. You have a choice here, we all do. You can change your faith if you _want _to."

This sounded familiar-

"Isn't that the whole message of Steinbeck's book 'East of Eden'?" He added, nodding towards the rectangular DVD cover laying on the bench.

She thought about it again, twisting her brain to find the information. What was it saying yet? It's been a while since she last read it and-

"_Timshel_." She whispered as she suddenly remembered. And he smiled.

"Aye. Timshel."

"_Timshel; Thou Mayest._ We all have a choice- I have- I have a choice?" She stammered in disbelief.

"That's what it says, love."

Well, she _didn't choose_ to be an orphan. She _didn't choose_ to be bounced around by the foster system. She _didn't choose_ to be rejected. She _didn't choose_ to fall in love with Neal or to be left by him. She _didn't choose_ to be her.

Yet...

She's the one who _chose_ to live this way- more like survive. She _chose_ to build those giant walls around her to prevent herself from being hurt, to protect herself. She _chose_ to be strong and tough to hide her weaknesses, her vulnerability, her pain. She _chose_ to be cold hearted and go through life as a lone wolf. She _chose_ to avoid feelings. She _chose_ to hurt herself.

And now, what did it bring her? Was she happier than before? Was she less sore? Did doing this erase all the bad memories?

The truth was that, she was damaged, and still is. The only difference was that she was keeping it to herself instead of showing it to the world. And here she thought pretending to be fixed daily would be enough to make herself believe it. She was wrong the whole time. She was still this lost girl. And pushing people away, being careless, jaded, well it didn't change that fact. It didn't guide her anywhere. She was so scared of getting hurt and betrayed ever again that she didn't realize that she was the one hurting herself. She thought she was being cautious when she decided to build these walls. But in fact, it was only her burying, trapping herself inside.

What a mess. What a waste.

She was now crying in silence. She had cried a lot these past few days, as to make up for all those times she held back her tears to look strong and all the crap.

The tears were rolling down, she was crying because she was mad at herself. Because she was in pain. Because she was tired. Because she wanted to let it go. Because she wished she could free herself-

"Emma, are you okay?" Killian was staring at her, not knowing how to react at the view of her tears. He looked really concerned and it was kind of cute.

And this man that was standing right in front of her. He was just like her, they had been through similar things. They understood each other, they were kindred spirits. And this man, he cared for her, he _loved_ her. And she cared for him back. But was it love? She couldn't tell, she kept repeating herself that it wasn't, and when you don't accept your feelings for someone, well you cannot tell what they mean. And he was looking at her with his shiny blue eyes, those eyes that had seen as many horrible things as hers, those eyes that had seen too much, those eyes that had secretly shed so many tears when no one was watching. Those eyes that were now sparkling again after years and years of darkness, doldrums. Those eyes that had a small light inside; called _hope_. There, he was hoping again. And she could deny it as much as she wanted, but she truly was the one who gave him this. '_Hope sucks'_ she told herself everyday, but look at him, he looks different, _alive_. And look at yourself, as morbid as a dead body.

She thought about the first time they met. And how she hated him in the beginning. But how she enjoyed arguing with him too. Or how he would make her day brighter by just smirking at her cockily. He had frustrated her a lot, made her chuckle, laugh, and now cry. He got her angry, furious, happy. But mostly; he made her _feel_ again. And she was grateful for that.

She loved him.

"Emma?"

She looked up to face his gaze. He let his guard down for her. And he looked brighter than ever. It was the proof she needed to believe that it was possible to heal. "_You may be damaged, but you're not broken... Yet. So don't let that happen"_ was what Mr. Booth told her months ago. And she had thought about it for weeks but never understood, until today. It was up to her; the only thing she had to do was...

She closed her eyes briefly, inhaled and exhaled the fresh air, opened her mouth, ready to talk...

"Yeah it's just that- you're right I'm- I'm tired of running. I want to change things and..."

"And?" He said, raising his left eyebrow, grinning slightly.

"I'm tired of standing in the way of my happy ending" she concluded, before throwing herself in his arms and kissing him as if there was no tomorrow.

* * *

They were here, looking at the horizon. It was true that it was calming.

Emma was comfortably seated, in Killian's arms. She was feeling good. Safe. Loved.

He would try and look at her discreetly but she'd always catch him which would only result in making him giggle.

She tightened her embrace even more, wanting to stay there forever, never letting him go.

He kissed the top of her head gently and rubbed her arm with his left hand.

"So Swan, I'm your happy ending now?" He said teasingly.

She rolled her eyes. He would certainly never change. And she was glad about it.

"My happy ending isn't a man. It's just that- love is a part of all happiness and- we have to be open to that."

"So, what's your happy ending?"

"I don't really believe in proper happy endings if I were to be honest; this fairytale-ish thing that means 'living happily ever after'. If I used this term it's because I have a whole different meaning for it. To me, it means peace of mind and... Feeling at home. And right now, it's one of those moments. I've never felt so light. Storybrooke... _it's my home._"

He nodded quickly before staring at her like she was the most magnificent thing in the world.

"Killian I- I'll need time to get used to this whole relationship thing. So- be patient."

"I have all the time in the world." He responded, before leaning slightly to catch her lips and kiss her passionately.

* * *

**_I like this chapter you know. My OTP is wonderful; Emma and Killian are so nicely developed in the show, together and separately as well. I'm currently writing the Epilogue and not gonna lie; I'm struggling. I might be able to post it next week or something but I'm not done at all. Xx_**


	23. Epilogue - Take a Leap of Faith

**_Holy crap this one is quite long I didn't know I could get that wordy. Please listen to Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton before reading; this song is really important to me because it's my Daddy's favorite and we sing it all the time I love you Dad, even when you're annoying :)_**

* * *

** Epilogue: Take a Leap of Faith**

Time flies in the small town of Storybrooke.

Beginning of July; summer vacation. Well deserved for our seniors.

Mr. Gold would never say it out loud, but he was kind of proud of his students. The percentage of graduate was at its best this year which was a surprise. But... What was even more surprising had to be his own life at the moment. Indeed, some major changes happened that were worth talking about.

First of all, he saw his institution winning four places in the ranking of the best high schools. Though to be completely honest; he didn't give a damn about it. Okay, just a little bit, he had smiled a little when Belle announced the news.

Ah Belle. That little girl was, indeed; _the_ major change in his life. For the simple reason that, she was now a part of it. Unbelievable? Predictable? You choose. It was true that they had grown closer throughout the year, her adequacy of seeing the best in people caught his attention; he had never met someone like her and it was what made her unique in his eyes. But not only did she do that, she also changed him. He had worked to become a man worthy of her love, the best version of himself. Of course some nasty habits couldn't simply disappear like that, but he was clearly making efforts. Anyway, all you need to know about Gold is that; his life was nice, peaceful and quite enjoyable at the moment.

And what happened to our two main teachers? Well, Mr. Booth and Mrs. Mills were those who hadn't seen anything new happening in their oh so dull life.

Booth liked his life this way, simple but yet entertaining enough to not fall into boredom and doldrums. Of course he was alone, no lovers, no children, no pets; just an empty apartment. But at school, it was different. He wasn't alone anymore; he was surrounded by people, teenagers who were lost and clueless about life. He felt like he was useful out there, because he had been a teenager too, and he had acknowledged this feeling of loneliness. Teaching was his thing, he was good at it and he knew it because of the great feedbacks from the students and parents mostly. They would all qualify him as inspiring. And it was all he needed to be happy.

Regina on the other hand; wasn't as satisfied with her life as him. She was still broken because of the loss of her husband Daniel, and she was still seeking occupation in her work. She was definitely working her ass off, she needed to keep her mind away from depressive thoughts and this; was the only thing she found. In her free time, she would either prepare her lesson over and over again or read thousands of books about psychology. What a life she had there uh?

She was in pain. As a child she had lacked her mother's love. And now as an adult; she had lost the love of her life.

But... What happens when, a new teacher, a male history teacher named Robin appears? What happens when, she learns that his wife has just passed away and that he is a widow just like her? What happens when, they definitely get along? And that for the first time in forever, she sees a smile on her face when she looks in the mirror?

They were undeniably connected, it was striking. _What'll happen..._

* * *

Mary-Margaret and David were on their way to Granny's; meeting their group of friends there.

It was in fact, a sort of farewell diner. They for sure knew that after high school, they would all take different paths and not necessarily stay in Storybrooke. Mary-Margaret who had been a straight A student her whole life had received her letter of acceptance in the university of Columbia a few weeks ago. It had always been one of her biggest dream; but now that she got in; she couldn't help but feel like having a heavy heart as she realized she had to leave her friends.

But she didn't want to think about it. _Tonight; they were having fun._

David on his side, surprised everyone. If at first he was thinking about going to a football school (and everybody expected him to); he changed his mind at the very last moment and decided he would join the police. This vocation came hitting him on the head as his new neighbor; Graham, appeared to be the new sheriff of the town. He enjoyed spending time with him; Graham was a friendly guy. And the guy was very fond of his job, and he really liked talking about it too which only resulted in passionating David.

they kept on walking, holding hands; as the light of Granny's ' signboard appeared in their field of view.

* * *

Ruby and Elsa were already in the restaurant since they had just finished working. They didn't plan on leaving town for the moment. Ruby would stay working at Granny's for awhile and the Australian girl chose to take a year off so she could stick around Anna a little bit more. It was a pretty bold choice, but she pictured it as wiser since her parents, too occupied because of their exhausting work as business man/woman couldn't take care of the youngest. Then maybe later; when Anna would get older and more mature, she would attend a school to form engineers, math and stuff had always been something she excelled at.

The two girls were there, at the table; waiting for their friends to come. And as the welcoming bell of Granny's rang, announcing the arrival of David and Mary-Margaret, they waved at them, smiling.

They all greeted each other and ordered some drinks.

As they started small talking; they realized that something was missing. Someone, _two someone_ to be exact were missing.

"Where's our favorite couple?" Ruby inquired, frowning.

"Right here!" David raised his hand and pointed his finger at him and his girlfriend jokingly.

They all laughed at this as the girl with red highlights said: "Sorry but you two are only 2nd on my list. The Swan/Jones is my OTP."

The poor boy pouted and swept some inexistent tears away with his sleeve, which only made her roll her eyes as she sticked her tongue out.

"Emma told me they would be a little bit late; she had to pick up her things at her foster house to bring them to Killian's" the girl with the pixie cut explained innocently, but at the view of the others widening their eyes, she realized that she had goofed and felt like she had just betrayed her friend.

"Sorry what?" Elsa blurted, addressing to Mary-Margaret.

"You guys didn't know- of course you didn't, she called me less than an hour ago." She said, face-palming herself. "How stupid I am. Okay so now that you know; I can tell you properly. Emma decided she would move in with Killian for the summer vacation."

* * *

"So. That's where I'm gonna sleep for the next 2 months."

"Aye." Killian said, giving her a warm smile.

"Great uh- where can I put my stuff?" Emma pressed her lips together, nodding towards the rectangular box at her feet.

"Let's take care about that later shall we?- and that's all you've got?"

"Yup."

"Of course it is. Three leather jackets; red, burgundy, orange. Three pairs of jeans and there you go!" He teased her, giggling as she only rolled her eyes but yet couldn't hide her smile.

"Actually four jackets. I have a blue one too." She stated really seriously.

Their eyes met; and they both bursted out into laugher.

She started wandering in the living room; looking at the couch, the small TV, the table.

"I don't know if I've already told you this but, I like your place."

"_Our_ place." He corrected, and she froze. He seemed to notice her sudden change of mood since he added quickly: "at least for now."

She had warned him. She told him that night at the dock that she needed time and he agreed to give her that. Indeed, they were a couple. But definitely not a cheesy, noticeable one kissing at every corner. It was almost like their relationship hadn't changed. They were doing those debates daily like they used to before, the only difference was that they would share a small kiss before leaving each other or a hug when one of them was feeling down.

The day right after they became 'official'; she didn't plan on saying anything to the others and she was even apprehending Killian's arrival, afraid that it might be- awkward. But then he appeared in the hallway as she was chatting with Mary-Margaret, and kissed her gently on the forehead in greetings. The little girl jumped in joy as Emma was clearly less amused, even if this small morning attention coming from her now boyfriend warmed her heart.

When she was done with her lessons of the day, he was waiting for her as usual. She was a little bit embarrassed as they started walking but he did his best to make her feel comfortable. And then he noticed her reluctance to go back to her house. And he remembered the whole fight with Blue and Isaac. But what she didn't expect was him dragging her into the house, forcing her to have a talk with them. She didn't want to apologize, she was too proud he should know that. The problem was that, Killian refused to leave if she wasn't going to say a word to her foster parents. She sighed in defeat and told them she agreed to have some explanations with them in order to 'clear that f'd up mess'. And as Killian was still standing there, she introduced him to them and Blue immediately understood that they were more than friends as a mischievous smile appeared on her face. Then Emma told him to go as she promised that she was truly going to talk to them, and he left since he trusted her and knew she wasn't lying.

They had a fucking damn long talk. Blue cried a lot and took her into her arms. Isaac apologized to her weakly and she decided to give him a chance only if he was willing to do the same with her. We can say that they had buried the hatcher that night.

Now that she had graduated, she wanted to attend a law university in the short future. She knew since the beginning that Storybrooke was just a one year thing, a little bit less. Her foster parents had just taken a new kid, a thirteen year old little dude named Henry. And as she informed Killian about her intention to leave, she noticed how the news saddened him, he had this forced broken smile she hated to see on his face. So she swallowed her pride and hugged him, and at this moment she realized that, she was for sure going to miss him. The next day, he came with the idea of going on vacation with her but she told him she preferred staying in town before leaving it for good since, it was her home. They talked and argued, and finally decided that they would live together for the summer. Emma thought it was a good arrangement and explained the thing to Blue. She wasn't really enjoying the idea because, she wanted to stay with Emma too before the separation, but accepted anyway as long as she was going to visit them twice a week.

So here she was, moving in with Killian Jones. As she was glancing at the whole place, a photo frame disposed on the counter caught her attention. She got closer; and she smiled.

"What a beautiful picture uh?" Killian whispered in her ear, hugging her from behind.

"I can't believe you actually managed to make me come to prom"

Indeed, it was a picture of them dancing, waltzing. She had a red princess-ish dress and he was dressed as a real gentleman with a fair brown costume.

"We had fun, don't deny it."

_She wasn't denying anything._

* * *

It was around mid June, and it had been a week since prom had been announced. People were all being so excited and talking about which dress, makeup, partner and _blah_-.

Emma was heading to her locker and groaned angrily as she saw this paper-ad-for-prom thingy glued on it.

"Seriously!?" She yelled, which made some students around blench. She ripped it out furiously, threw it on the ground before crushing it with her boot.

"How hot you look when you're mad."

She turned around, her eyebrows still furrowed, only to face Killian.

"Do you know the dude who takes care of the propaganda in here? If yes, tell him to go brainwash people anywhere else but _on_ my locker." She blurted, crossing her arms on her chest.

He laughed. And she shot him a death glare. _It was definitely not funny._

"What type of propaganda?"

"What do you think? Prom night of course. This stupid thing that everyone is so fond of when it's just some kind of fucking silly fancy party where horny teenagers flock together in order to have fun."

"Oh." He bit his lower lip and looked down. Now he seemed nervous. What was wrong with him- _oh god no._

"Jones you'd better be kidding me. You weren't going to invite me to go to prom, were you?" She sighed.

He looked up and stared at her with this intense gaze of his. _She wasn't falling for it._

"Please?"

"No!"

He got closer, and she took a step back but was soon stopped by her own locker. Wonderful.

"Swan?" He said, arching an eyebrow.

"Killian everyone's looking."

"I know you don't give a damn."

True. People had been used to seeing the two of them together now. It didn't take long before the whole school knew about them being a couple. It wasn't really surprising, they knew it was going to happen soon or later. To be completely honest, bets had been going on and Emma got really, like really angry when she heard about that one guy winning 70 bucks, because he had bet 'they're gonna get together before the end of the school year'. She had grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, he was about to pee in his pants. She told him through gritted teeth 'you're ridiculously pathetic' before letting him go. And she was even more furious when she learned that he wasn't the only one making money out of it. But anyway, most of the people found it cute that the two troubled and well 'untouchable' people of the high school were dating. They would hear whispers as they passed by, but nothing really alerting. They were living their definitely _unusual_ romance, without a care in a world.

"I'm not going to fucking prom Jones. And I'm not wearing some fucking- what's the dress code yet?"

"Royal ball."

"Holy freak. And here I thought it couldn't get any worse."

The upcoming days had been a real operation make-Emma-come-to-prom for her friends. It wasn't only Killian. It was now David, Mary-Margaret, Elsa, Ruby; they were all pressuring her.

"And what's in it for me?" She shouted, pissed off.

"It's a tradition Emma!" Ruby whined.

"I don't give a fuck about traditions."

"It's just that I'm dying to see you in something else than a leather jacket" Elsa said with a wide smirk, but her sarcasm was not appreciated apparently since they all shot her a death glare.

"You know Emma, it might be our last big thing together" Mary-Margaret finally blurted, smiling sadly. Everyone turned to face her as they all remembered that they were getting separated in a few days, the end of the year approaching dangerously.

And now Emma felt guilty.

"Yeah I know but-"

"But what Emma? Come and have fun with us!" David cut her off and they were all looking at her with pleading eyes.

_Shit_.

"I-"

"For us?" Ruby said with a small voice before pouting. They all had this hope in the eyes, and she hated that.

_She was so screwed._

Oh and double shit.

"Okay." She breathed out in defeat, as they all cheered in joy and came for a group hug.

"Eh get the fuck off of me I only come for the free food" she groaned but it was soon followed by a laugh.

When she told Blue she was going to prom, her foster mother got all excited and decided to personally take care of her dress, hair and makeup. She couldn't argue with that and it wasn't bad after all, she didn't have any dress and couldn't even manage to fucking braid her hair, or even tie them into a bun.

As she looked at herself into the mirror, she couldn't help but open her mouth in disbelief. With this red -damn uncomfortable- dress and this tiara and her hair and makeup done and well- she looked like a real princess.

She thanked Blue and tried to walk with this big thing she was definitely not used to wearing, and _God what did she get herself into._

As she opened the door for Killian who came to pick her up, she asked automatically:

"How do I look?"

The boy had this prince costume on _-looking far too attractive-_ and he seemed like- paralyzed at first, _stunned_ but he quickly regained consciousness and started humming:

_"__And then she asks me, do I look alright-"_

"Please." She rolled her eyes.

_"And I say yes,-"_ he paused, before continuing in a normal voice:

"You look wonderful tonight, Swan."

As she was walking by his side and complaining about how a nightmare this corset was,

_"You might not be able to move Swan, but you cut quite the figure in that dress"_ my ass.

She noticed that every eyes were on them. She didn't like that.

"Why are they all staring at us?"

"Not us, Swan. _You_."

She rolled her eyes. Again. She did that a lot around him. "Well make them stop, I'm not a damn _circus freak_"

"As you wish. _Mesdames, messieurs_-" he said, speaking louder for them to hear.

"What the hell are you doing? I was kidding-"

"_Mademoiselle_ Swan standing right there doesn't like the way you're all eyeing her." He glanced quickly at her to gauge her reaction and she was just shaking her head in exasperation.

"And I don't like it either. _She's mine._"

"I'm not something you can fucking possess Jones." She spat. "Are you done fooling around now so we can go get the food?"

_"We go to a party, and everyone turns to see, this beautiful lady-"_

She nudged him in the stomach which made him moan slightly. Great now this song was stuck in her head.

_"-that's walking around with me-"_

"Shut up."

In the end, she did have a great evening.

* * *

"Ah here they are!" Elsa cried in joy at the view of Emma and Killian entering Granny's. The Irish boy waved at her frantically as he and Emma took a seat at their table.

Since the day he started dating her, he grew closer to her friends too. They all accepted him immediately -it took a little more time for David and yet he was still over protective when it came to Emma- which made him regret judging them for so long just because they _enjoyed living _at a time he was only a waste. He hated the whole judging-without-knowing thing, but this was actually what he did with them and he felt sorry for this. After all if they were Emma's friends, they were obviously great. He could make efforts.

"So you guys are moving in together and didn't tell us?" Ruby admonished them, squinting at them suspiciously.

"How do- Seriously?" The blonde turned to Mary-Margaret with a _so done_ face as she gave her an apologetic smile in return.

"Well we were going to tell you guys about that but apparently, someone already did" he snapped sarcastically, making the poor girl blush.

"Sorry guys I didn't mean to-"

"Hey it's okay, it wasn't a secret anyway. Or was it?" He said to tease his girlfriend who only rolled her eyes.

Killian graduated this year, since he realized how important studying was and revised a lot for his exams. Gold was proud of him, he knew that because deep down, he liked him. And perhaps he liked him back after all. For the moment, he wanted to stick around Storybrooke, working at the Jolly Roger with Liam; the usual. Then maybe find something else to do when he'd get tired of this job. Not pressuring himself; making his way slowly, peacefully.

They were all having a great time around the table. Chatting, laughing, _living_. Killian's eyes began wandering around, but then they stopped to contemplate _this; this scene, them._

He had his right arm around Emma's shoulder and she had her head resting on his. He was playing with her long blond hair, caressing and twirling it.

So that's how it feels like? To be happy?

He was proud of him, of her, of _them_.

_Because they've come so far._

"What are you thinking about?" Emma whispered in Killian's ear, as she noticed that he was lost in his thoughts.

"Life." He mumbled, absent minded.

She frowned. So he was preoccupied because of something. "Come again?"

"-And how I love mine at the moment. _We did it_, Swan."

"We did what?"

"Look at us. We're not surviving anymore, we're_ finally living._"

She looked up to face his gaze, and his blue eyes were electrifying. Shining with joy, relief, and this hope that looked so good on him.

A big genuine smile appeared on her face without her noticing it, showing her bright white teeth.

"Well, _shot_?" She said, handing him a coke.

"I never thought I'd see one of those"

She rolled her eyes (yes, again I know) "it's called a coke."

"No Swan, _a smile_."

In only response she gave him another grin as she yelled, raising her own coke and addressing to everyone: "To us!"

They all did the same, echoing her with the 'to us' thing.

After that, everyone returned to their chatting and giggling.

_ It was nice._

And thinking about the fact that, a few months ago she was at the bottom, an orphan. A lost girl, guarded as hell in order to find her place in this world. She was hurt, alone, cursing her life..._dead_. And here she was now, happy -kind of-, surrounded by amazing people, grateful for having them in her life... _Alive_. They were more than just friends, they were the family she never had. And it's crazy to think that, to get to this point, all she had to do the whole time was to believe that _a lost girl could find her way home_. Because this; was her home. _They_ were her home.

Though a temporary one.

They were all going to leave one by one in the upcoming years and she knew that. She hated this fact and- There she was tormented, good job. _Not now Swan, enjoy this quiet moment and shut up._

_"__There is always a crisis. Perhaps you should consider living your life during them, otherwise you might miss it." _

Killian had told her at the dock, back to January when they were still in this 'I hate you but not really since you're the only one out there who understands me' optic. She got into a fight with Blue that day, and came rambling about how she was tired of crisis and that this wasn't over; and how it was exhausting to not be able to have peace, always being on defensive.

He was right.

The past shouldn't _define_ us, the future shouldn't _worry_ us. Because somewhere in the middle there's the present. And that's exactly what we have to focus on, otherwise _we've forgotten to live_. We have to do things in order to make _today_ beautiful, not yesterday or tomorrow. _Let it guide us._

Finally she understood that. It took her what? Only seventeen years and a half? But hey, it's never too late. She felt free now, as if she got rid of a burden called _state of mind._

For her entire life she had sought safety, reliability, proof. She had been cautious; not taking any risk, always avoiding danger, running away and so on. But where did it guide her? _Nowhere_. She was left alone behind those tough walls she had built up, mourning her pain.

And _now_, look at her now. Sparkling, blossoming like a little flower in this _oh so ugly_ world.

Doesn't it feel great?

Sometimes, all you have to do is; _**Take a leap of faith.**_

* * *

_**Wow. That's the end, for real. *getting way too emotional* I wanna thank you for reading my story and also for bearing with me and my grammar mistakes because of the English-not-being-my-first-language thing. And special thanks to guest Andria for staying from beginning to end :3 I can't believe it's over I've spent so much time writing this shit and I loved doing this and now I'm going back to my so dull life. God I don't know what to say, that's the first thing I've ever written entirely and maybe I'll come across it in a few years and read it and be like 'that sucks and my English was actually really bad' but I'm sure I'll get super nostalgic of the time I was a Fangirl. Cause I'll be all grown up and not really into fandom and shipping anymore I guess. Writing this fanfic, developing the characters of this story, (especially Emma) made me realize so many things about myself and my own personality. Sometimes I would stop writing and be like 'perhaps if I behave this way it's because of that too and maybe I'm also overacting-' But anyway, you guys are wonderful; so is Captain Swan. I wish you all the best Xx LONG LIVE ONCE UPON A TIME AND THE CAPTAIN SWAN ARMY.**_


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